The DaSquaddie Code


War Hero
I was having a chat with someone the other day about that Da Vinci code book and expounded my theory, perhaps a slightly contentious one, that Jesus invented Christianity to skive a bit during basic training.

I've read a lot of historic articles and made a point of following traditional religious thinking, by putting two and two together and getting fifteen.

For those holy rollers amongs the larger congregation, don't dismiss my theory out of hand.

At the time Jesus went through basic, the predominant faith was that of the Hebrew. Apparently, this really fcuked up Sundays for everyone, so the boy Jesus came up with a scheme, whilst he was doing a 7 day stretch at the Galilee pokey for not shaving. In a move later followed by L Ron Hubbard, Jesus dreamt up his new religion then squeezed it past the Pharisees at a Squadron do. Within a couple of weeks, Jesus was up the block drinking hibiscus tea, whilst all the Jews had to push out the prayer till well into the afternoon.

I have established through extensive research that the 12 apostles were a gang of disgruntled trainee Matlots, who followed their 'fisher of men' solely so that they could wa-nk themselves daft with no fear of being caught.

It's a lot to take in, I know, so i'll leave it for now, but I ask you to consider a couple of things.

40 days in the wilderness. Is it such a stretch of credulity to acknowledge that this equates to a five and a half week stretch in the nick. It was well known that Jesus had a temper, particularly after Grolsch. The elders in his squadron were notorious wind up merchants, and a snapper like Hay-soose would be in and out of the guardroom all the time.

The resurrection - Jesus dies. Three days later they go to check on him and find that he has disappeared. This phenomenon has been repeated down the years by all Jesus' followers in basic. How many times have you took the recruits round areas in the morning, only to find that each time you turn round, one of their number has mysteriously vanished. A direct correlation, I would suggest.

I would be very interested to hear if any other's who have had similar thoughts about the origins of Christianity. Examples of biblical references to contemporary squaddie life are especially welcome.


Oh, hang on. I've just realised that it's different. The fifth paragraph refers to trainee Matelots and not REME fitters.

Sorry about that.