The daftest thing(s) you've ever done....mostly.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Jan 31, 2016.

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  1. Those silly non-dangerous kind of things that you have done either in the
    distant past or quite recently. Two incidents of stupid spring to mind.

    The first has already been posted - that being me getting up after a night-shift
    to get ready for another night shift, having a shower, drying off and then using
    a can of Tesco air freshener to spray my arm pits with instead of the tin of Lynx
    on the bathroom shelf.
    The other one involves being on nights and sort of nodding off at stupid'o'clock
    in the morning on my desk then waking up suddenly in desperate need of a pee.
    Off I staggered to the heads and seeing as I was still in a sort of knackered coma,
    I started to take a wazz in the gash bin that was supposed to be used for the paper
    towels instead of the urinal which was next to it. Sixty seconds into urination -
    I realised what was happening but it was too late to stop.
    If there's any cleaners reading this.....I am truly sorry.
    I was very, very tired.

    • Funny Funny x 2
  2. Ever put your boots on in a big hurry and tied a left boot and right boot lace together? You'll look and feel pretty daft when take your first step and go arse over head!
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  3. Going commando in just a pair of white footy shorts to a neighbours BBQ , must have had some undercooked food as when we went to the local after BBQ I let out what I thought was a fart , large pile of watery shit on pub floor.
    Managed to get home , shower and back to local for last orders.
  4. When I first started my property refurbishment side career, I connected the main water supply direct to the cistern heater tank (instead of from the water supply from the loft tank). Switched on main supply, filled tank, then it started to creak and expand and whilst I ran to turn on a hot tap to decrease the fucking split wide open and dumped 20 gallons of water all over the floor before dropping the kitchen and hall ceilings. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck !!
    Next day signed up at local adult education college for a plumbing course !!
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  5. Was duty onboard and had a few too many CSB's when I got called to the donk shop as a 44ov portable DB fan wasn't working. I took the access plate off and saw the sign on it saying switch off before opening, which I duly did but not checking it was dead.

    I stuck my hand in and then flew across the donk shop, got up, and, on wobbly legs, switched it off at the socket.

    Top tip, 440v up your right arm pit sobers you up in a nanosecond (assuming you survive that is)
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Picked up a tow line from a tug in Singapore, pulled it through the fairlead and round the wrong side of an awning stanchion, then over the bollard.........too late to do anything about it, tug took the weight and pulled the stanchion and guardrails over the side.
    Oh how the Buffer and the Jimmy laughed..................not!!!:confused:
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. May 2008
    Joined Rum Ration...
  8. Purple_twiglet

    Purple_twiglet War Hero Moderator

    Baghdad 2006, US base called 'Camp Victory' - posing for 'warry' photos under a sign marked 'sniper alley'.

    Didnt realise it was called that for a reason... :)
  9. Should that have been 'wary' photos? :)
  10. Bleary-eyed, and blind as a bat without vision correction apparatus affixed to one's mug, mistakenly opted for Deep Heat rather than the Colgate (red tube variety). Unless you've done the same, the "discomfort" is something that you would not wish to repeat.
  11. Leaving harbour in Newcastle and the Capt decides to 'spring off' then turn us round. Fwd spring gets jammed on the bollard while paying out. So now we've got 6,500 tonne of RN Destroyer on the fwd spring. I stupidly make the decision that I can release it by hitting it with my hand!! I was right did release, dislocated my thumb to a sickening angle. I quickly turn to the Buffer for help and sympathy, only to receive a bollockin and a belt round the ear hole as hard as the spring jumping off the bollard, en route to the sick bay!!!!:confused:

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