It's been a while since I have posted a poo dit so I thought I would regale you with this little episode I had this morning: I went for my usual Monday morning sesh on the seat of ease (during work time obviously) and carried out all my usual preps for firing; Clean seat, give cursory wipe just to make sure - check Adequate reading material, discarded copy of the Sun, suppose it'll do - check Pre flush to ensure clean splash back - check Buffer wodge of bog roll to reduce splash back - check Sufficient supply of bog roll for clean up operation, one fresh roll - check Satisfied that it was safe to continue with the evolution, I sat down and enjoyed curling out a Cleveland Steamer while I flicked through the Sun. As I finished up and got to the last pages of the Sun, (the bits with the adverts for hearing aids and wax jackets) I inspected my load, satisfied with the Bungle's finger I had created, I commenced phase two of the operation, the cleaning up. As I started to wipe, I realised that there was a considerable amount of residue. I continued through none the less, trying a varied combination of scrunched bog roll and neatly folded bog roll. Every time I wiped, there seemed to be more and more shit and wiping only exasperated the problem, smearing greasy turd across my hoop and balls. I started to near the end of the paper realising that I was going to run out long before I had cleansed myself fully. Since I had now used an entire bog roll, I decided to flush in order to minimise the chance of blocking the shitter. The next problem that presented itself was how I was going to replenish the arse wipes? Listening out for the tell tale grunts and splashes of another bog user, I realised the coast was clear, so I opened the door and did the penguin walk to the next cubicle with my trousers round my ankles. I locked the door in cubicle number two and sat down. To my horror there was no bog roll. Once I again I repeated the penguin walk into cubicle number three, where luckily there was a nice new fresh roll of Andrex glinting in the sunlight. Another half a bog roll later, I finally finished up, clearing all residue and I trotted back to my desk with a sparkling hoop that would've been ready for Captain's rounds. It dawned on me that this extended wiping seems to happen a lot to me and I wondered if maybe I have an abnormally deep crevice? Is anyone else blessed with such an affliction?