The Crayoning Thread

WORK IN THE MORNING? WORK IN THE MORNING!!!!????
Spare a thought for us grave diggers will you? Squatting in
this shed 'till half six...THEN I've got to hang about until
08:30 'cos I've got a school run to do and then maybe I'll
get me swede down for a bit...might even have a Barclays
Bank before I nod off - depends on how nackered I am.

(Sniggers a bit...yawns...drinks more fu**ing coffee and carries on regardless)
 
WORK IN THE MORNING? WORK IN THE MORNING!!!!????
Spare a thought for us grave diggers will you? Squatting in
this shed 'till half six...THEN I've got to hang about until
08:30 'cos I've got a school run to do and then maybe I'll
get me swede down for a bit...might even have a Barclays
Bank before I nod off - depends on how nackered I am.

(Sniggers a bit...yawns...drinks more fu**ing coffee and carries on regardless)
What kind of work do you do?, security?
 
My CV.

I used to be a rent-boy and then I suffered a prolapsed rectum, which 'aint a pretty sight
when your ringbolt is your bread winner, so I tried me hand at opening a kebab shop where
I could flog dodgy luke warm meat to pissed service people at three in the morning, but
someone died when they ate a dead rat covered in coleslaw and I had to do a runner.
I then bought a franchise from the MECCA Bingo chain and set it up in Islamabad -
which didn't last long and so I returned to the UK - attached to the drive shaft of
an articulated lorrys trailer unit with masking tape....cost me the last of my money.
Since my return, I've been an operator in a telephone sex chat line office for the
profoundly deaf, a lemming sexer at a breeding farm in Rutland, a semi-professional
holiday camp entertainer - I perfected a speciality act in which I bounced, semi-naked
on a trampoline whilst mounted on a pogo-stick, simultaneously juggling six plastic
Chinese takeaway containers full of fresh sick kindly donated my members of the
audience. I currently work nights as Head of Security at a "Pick your own coconuts"
farm down here in Devon........only had seven deaths so far......drunken fuckers
shouldn't try nicking coconuts at night....not on MY watch anyway.

Anyway - I hope that's answered your question.

Yours Sincerely,

BillyCoconut
 
He actually answered me by PM, and I must say it shocked me.
I never in my wildest dream thought people still did that kind of thing.
You fuckin disgusting bastard, even Wreckler wouldn't do that,....I hope.
They dont, I checked with the RSPCA, its illegal except with Camels, they are putting a team together and tomorrow his ass is in a sling
 
To ease Seadogs job (he's busy in cabinet or with the first sea lord) I thought I would post a reply to a remark Blackrat made in the VC thread here.
Blackrat said it would never occur to him to throw himself on a grenade.
It occurred to me.
I would throw you on a fucker, (sorry) law of the jungle, survival of the nastiest and all that shit.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
To ease Seadogs job (he's busy in cabinet or with the first sea lord) I thought I would post a reply to a remark Blackrat made in the VC thread here.
Blackrat said it would never occur to him to throw himself on a grenade.
It occurred to me.
I would throw you on a fucker, (sorry) law of the jungle, survival of the nastiest and all that shit.
You'd have one hell of a job.
 

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