The Chronicles of Nor-mania"

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by slim, Oct 26, 2007.

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  1. Though a master of name changing Norman has told us nothing of his life.
    Why does he have a down on Lt Cmdr's?
    Why is he upset at fat sailors?
    These and many other questions need answering.

    So as he will not supply the information, it is up to the good shipmates of RR to supply reasons for him acting as he does.

    Hence "The Chronicles of Nor-mania"

    Part One
    Norman's entrance to the RN
    It was a wild winters day when Norman still clutching his wet Teddy Bear entered the hallowed halls of HMS Raleigh to join the RN. He was young and skin and as his teddy would have told you if he could talk still wet the bed twice a night. Even at this stage it was obvious to all and sundry the Norman was not exactly sailor material, however he was homeless. His parents had taken to moving home frequently while he was working at his day job, collecting this shit dumped by the milkman's horse and selling it to householders to put on their Rhubarb (no jokes please).
    Normally he managed to find where his dear mother and father had gone, but not this time. So a kindly Lt Cmdr at the local Royal naval Careers office offered him accommodation for nine years, and all he wanted for this info was a blow job. Norman was to find in later life that a great many Lt Cmdr's would abuse him in this manner.
    So here he was in the new entries block and being issued with his kit by this nice man. Who was this man? A sailor who he thought might be a sergeant because he had three stripes on his coat told him that this man was a civvie twat. Excuse me civvie twat said Norman, I'm tired where can I sleep. This nice civvie twat took Norman to his bed for the night and even gave him a tot of rum. In the morning civvie twat woke Norman and gave him a bollocking for pissing the bed, he also gave him a shilling. Norman thanked him profusely and left, reminding himself that he must never drink a tot of rum again as it had made his arse sore.
    he also realised that he had already learned a great lessen in life in less than one day, civvie Twats are nicer to you than nasty Lt Cmdr's

    Please add to the Chronicles as you see fit
  2. Norma paraded, after his breakfast of 1/2 a grapefruit and a bowl of Special K cereal,no fried breakfast for him he had his svelte waistline to consider, with the rest of his Division on the Parade Ground.
    A man with a loud voice and lots of shiny buttons on his cuffs made them all walk about and then stop and walk about turning this way and that until poor Norma was quite dizzy and had to have a sit down.
    "Get your bloody arse off to sick bay you idle Nozzer, you." bellowed the Chiefly one.
    Sniffling into the sleeve of his No1s Norma staggered to the place that was to be his refuge in the coming weeks, the MOs office.
    It is true the Doc was a 2 and a 1/2er but he had red bits in between the lace, so in reality (Well Norma's version of it anyhoo) he was a 4 and a 1/2er, and he always gave Norma a lollipop after performing his 'examination' of Norma's nether regions....
  3. That night in his bunk listening to his messmates talking all around him he longed for peace and tranquility, he had asked several times for them to be silent but the horrible people told him to shit in it as it was only 1930. Now Norman knew how to tell the time, the big hand was on the 6 and the little hand was on the 7, it was half past seven in the evening, what were they talking about 19:30 indeed, ignorant morons he was living with. It was dark and must have been the middle of the night when Norman was pulled from his bed and smacked in the face, when he asked big Jock why all he got was a load of intelligible garbage. In the morning the class leader pulled him to one side and told him to report to the course officer a certain Lt Cmdr Lovebottom. The class leader explained to Norman that big Jock had reported to him that Norman had pissed the bed last night and as big Jock had been sleeping in a drunken stupor it was some time before he realised the reason he was so wet was entirely due to the occupant of the bunk above.

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