The cave


War Hero
Book Reviewer
To All Al Queda Fighters
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting
a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have
few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to
avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we
need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota have
you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to
the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That
means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the
background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea
slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the
edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys,
there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,
Group Hug.