Thats so not fcukin funny.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Sep 21, 2010.

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  1. Right so for fun and a bit of shock value you substitute the rabbit shit with currants. We had it arranged for yesterday arvo at my mates house.
    We gets in garden he gets the wets in and we are sitting around the table being plied with the demon drink and having a very pleasant modulation about trivia. The kids come home, and I goes into the rabbit sh1t eating routine, protein and all that and then gets a hand full and slaps it in the old gob.
    Mate in bits, yes its rabbit shit and it tastes fuckin rank.
    The bastard just popped round he's still laughing at me and my kids have joined in.
    I'm planning pay back, it has to be subtle, and as he is an ex matelot as well its got to be real sneaky as he has plenty of CDF.
    All suggestions welcomed.
  2. Just admit that you a raving idiot, Steve, and if he is really ex, he'll accept you as his 'Bezzie' (whatever that is.)

    Meanwhile, at the other end of the Rabbit....

    Sister in law visited from Dublin; in kitchen, with a large drink (we never do small ones) finger dipping into a dish and craicing on

    'Ahhh, this Muesli is quite tasty'. 'Indeed?' sez I. 'Actually that is the Rabbits feeding dish....'

    Nuala, sigh, bless her & RIP.

    BTW, the Rabbit's name?


  3. My being a raving idiot has never been in question.
    However I want my revenge, and I shall have it d'hear I shall have it, I want it its due me, ahhhhhhhh.
    That said I need a plan. :roll: :roll: :(
  4. Revenge? Revenge?

    But your signature block indicates you are more of a "Rodney, Repulse or Renown" sort of guy?

    Ah well Steve, just for you:


    But lay off SSN03 - Not entitled! :wink:
  5. Bizarre, I thought Revenge was SSBN 04 :?
  6. For fcuks sake, we have the makings of a good thread and you cnuts immediately turn it into a piss, cabbage and old spice fest.

    Get back to giving kids Werther's Originals you old cnuts and let's get back to spinning dits about eating rabbit shit.
  7. Gayer
  8. one thing you could keep your eyes open for is ....

    whilst on a run ashore in Guzz, the beer flowing i went to ease springs
    whilst in the heads i noticed that the disinfectant blocks that they put in the urinals looked like MINTS, small white round pellets.
    obviously being a few sheets to the wind i decided to scoop a few up and put them in my pocket and rejoined the lads in the bar.
    after a few minutes i calmly asked if anyone wanted a mint and produced the pellets from my pocket, needless to say 2 of the lads jumped straight in and popped them in their mouths, i have never laughed so much when the foam started coming out of their mouths and the look on their face when the taste hit them.
    you could keep this in your back pocket and next time you spot the said pellets in the urinals, scoop some up for use at a later date...
  9. I was thinking the same thing
  10. Rummers, RE the thread title: Yes it is :lol:
  11. Do I Know SKK? Someone did that to me in the Two Twigs once.

    Anyway, talking about Kit-Kats, this one works Rum Rat, I've done it.

    Get a piece of said Kit Kat and place it between the cheeks of your recently showered arse and forget about it. Later when said bezzy oppo comes round 'drop your guts' following with the ' oh shit! I've followed through' statement. Then reach down the back of your keks and retrieve a mini toblerone of melted choc on yer finger and show him. Then pop said finger in yer gob.

    works for kids as well

    :puke: revenge
  12. The old favourite of cling film under the bog seat?

    or slide off the wrapper of a choccy bar (like Galaxy) and slide said wrapper over a bar of that laxative chocolate and offer him a large piece (seen that done).
  13. Get a post it note and pop a staple in through the sticky bit, curled over ends on the sticky side.

    Remove staples from stapler (Important)

    Stick post it note on forehead (with the sticky bit)

    keep finger over staple to hide it.

    put stapler over staple (make sure no one see staple!!)

    Open up stapler, push stapler into forehead till it clicks.

    Remove stapler

    "Nice staple in Forehead"
  14. .....thats madness...... brushteeth

  15. Diesel I'm really liking this, but I thought if I did the finger dippy fast I might just get a wipe across his face quick like, before doing the savor the flavor bit. Yes I do like this.

    Wrecks I did the cling film bit at work about 8 or 9 years ago and I got sussed and sacked for it.
    The wrong bugger went in the bog and it was a unisex affair. A split arse crouched and filled her nicks with piss.
    They had to undouble me before they escorted me off the premises. Wrong target maybe, but so fuckin funny I cheesed down. Not funny when I got home mind and the war office attacked. :twisted: 8O :cry:

  16. I'd rather stick to troughing my sh1te than a fuckin rabbit. At least I know where mines been.
    Having said that, I'll tell you sprog types one of the pleasures you have to come when you reach 60.
    Its shitting in your own hand or as the NHS call it a "Bowel Cancer Screen test" Boy you ain't lived till you stand in your own bog stone cold sober with a plastic bag between you and a big steaming pan ferret sitting in your hand with the joy of scrapping a lump off each end and posting the lot to a complete stranger. And you have to send three separate dollops. 8O
    Fuckin great joy.
  17. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Steady RR you'll get 2DD overly excited. :wink:

  18. Mrs SB use to work in a hospital reception desk and was the happy receiver of lots of platic bags full of bodily solids and fluids - usually still warm!! She loved it......... not!
  19. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    As they say revenge is a dish best served cold.

    Get some rabbit sh1t, take it home and get your ice cube tray out, put a rabbit sh1t pellet in each cubicle, fill it with water and chuck it in the freezer.

    Next time your mate comes round give him a tall dark drink, rum and coke, vodka and coke etc, put your special ice cubes at the bottom of the glass, ram the rest of it full of normal ice cubes, serve, sit back, enjoy, take the p1ss.

  20. I have a true dit about that kind of nonsense.

    When I had a vasectomy many moons ago I was not only between wives, I was regularly between a certain pair of legs. ( How crude) So these legs belonged to a lab assistant at Good Hope Hospital, where my sample of sperm or what is now seminal fluid was due to go.
    So she helped me produce the sample and off it went for testing.
    A few weeks later me and the lab assistant are out for a drink with her friend from work and her partner. Whilst we are dancing later in the evening the friend cuts in and starts talking as we dance,
    She asks me if I enjoyed my blow job.
    "What blow job"? I ask.
    "The one that produced your sample" she says.
    "How do you know that"? I ask, "did your mate tell you"?.
    No the sample did she retorts, it was full of saliva. :oops: :oops: 8O

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