That party last night........

Got awful crazy I wish we'd taped it. Actually, I really don't

A mate of mine has just been accepted as a pongo. I found myself on a train home last night because I intended to go for a run along the beach instead of running home from work like I normally do.

I decided to text this mate as he lives quite near the station and I've just been given a credit card. Said card had to be tested and I decided the pub was the best place for it.

What started as "A pint or two" ended up with us going down the karaoke bar, me grabbing a random poof and singing "Mickey" with him (turns out his name was Mikey. Weird that), and said pongo puking all over me half way through my drunken interpretation of "Bike" by Pink Floyd.

For some reason the bar staff said "You two are like seagulls! You come in hear, you make a lot of noise, you disrupt the normal working of everything, make a mess and the leave". My reply of "That's unfair! We haven't left" was met with "You are now. Fuck off!" so we did. I grabbed a fat ginger hippocrocogrillapig on the way out and took her back to the pongos, stopping only for a kebab on the way.

When we got to his the pongo promptly passed out in his kebab so I did the decent thing and laughed before going balls deep in the gwar on his couch. My mate wakes up just as I'm spraying on her back, laughs, calls me a cnut, and pisses off to bed.

This morning I woke up wondering how I'm not dead. I got on the train to work and grand slammed. I'm now covered in her gash juice, his puke, my everything, and everyone's drink. I'm sat in the office feeling as useful as a para in a maths test and growling at anyone that asks why I smell so bad and why I'm covered in scratches.

To get to the point, should I have had an egg with my bacon sarnie this morning?

 

Why on earth would you make such a drastic change to your daily routine?

 

Well I didn't have time for a wank this morning so I'd already changed my routine drastically as it was

 

Didn't have time? But you come across as being so adept at it!:glasses8:

 

Exactly. Leaving the house without one was a traumatic experience!

 

The filthy language you use, the puerile behavior you describe in disgusting detail, your complete lack of social graces and disregard for everybody male or female that has to witness your childlike antics coupled with your seeming determination to drink and abuse yourself into an early grave mark you out as someone who will go far in the mob, well done keep up the good work.

 

Haha! Thanks Sharkey. Can I put that on my CV?

 

Well I for one think that this kind of disgusting behaviour, showing complete lack of feeling for your fellow human brothers marks you out as just a typical honky bastard.
I bet your ansestors raped my ancestors and transported them to a completely different life. Ripping them away from all they held dear and were accustomed too.
They was quite content to live on the Jasmin Allen estate, why move them to Brixham?
White bastard.

 

Your just jealous because you want raping too

 

Ignore the "bruther" noshers, he's not feeling well. He's spun some dit about being ill in hospital when what really happened was someone outside his local shouted out they wanted a fast black, he stepped forward and was promptly run over by a taxi!

 

Fuckin racist bastards, when I was lead oar (or was it whore) on the flag cannoe of the Imperial Trinidad and Tobago maritime defence force you would have trembled at the thought of upsetting me.
My bruvver was the one who swung de big feva and was known to maim as he struck wich it.
And are you suggesting I'm sexually challenged Nosher, I have never pushed back ask wrecks.
When we was in panto playing the lead faries in peter pan it was just for money.............

 

I've read an Andy McNab book. You should fear me, not vice versa.

Funny that. I used to play lead fairy in peter pan too, except mine wasn't for money. It was for a night out in Pompey

 

Aaah that panto..remember it well. I'm not falling for that again. I'd always wondered why the front end of the horse was called "the short straw". You didn't even have the decency to give a reach round.....selfish barsteward!

 

I did give a reach around!

Oh wait. You were talking to Rumrat......

 

If there's one thing I've learnt from years of drinking to excess, it's the importance of correcting the rebound hypoglycaemia. Therefore it might also have paid to wedge a hash brown into it. The cysteine in eggs also helps your liver process booze.

In short, yes.

 

Wow. Thanks! I thought the most info I would get is "Yes, it tastes better". I'll try and remember that next time

 

With a mouth like a Baboons ring you could have slipped a Brillo pad in there and not noticed

 

Zebraaa, I don't have a clue what you're talking about, I always found a sneaky tinny when I got down the boat worked for me. Hair of the dog...kill or cure, works everytime (and I still can't do reply with quotes on the work machine).

 

I'd usually prefer to drink it away too...a vodka and red bull works wonders.

 

I like brillo pads. The pink stuff inside tastes sweet and is slightly addictive.

Ahh, hair of the dog. In my experience this means picking the fag butts out of the flat Guinness next to my bed and drinking something with the viscosity of cold gravy. Good times!