That Oh Sh*t feeling! - what was yours?????

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by MG Maniac, Sep 5, 2011.

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  1. On Decrepid in the 90's there was a Chief Tiff who got grippo'd by some rich yank bird whilst alogside in Ft L. he must have made a really big impression as every stop we made thereafter, the minute the gangway was down the pipe was made "Chief Tiff -Visitor - Gangway" ... "Miss America" met the ship in every port right down to the Dutch Antilies.

    A month later coming alongside at South Railway in Proc Alpha ... standing not 6 foot from his Mrs and 2 kids ... was "Miss America" ... never saw a Tiff get back into ovies and disappear back down the engine spaces so fast! His face when he saw her was an absolute picture ... Classic "Oh Sh*t! :laughing2: Seems one of the lads had sent her an official invite!

    So one for the dit spinners! Ever had one of those moments??????????????
  2. Similarish thing happened to the killick of my mess.

    Ship docked in Vladivostock and him and me happened to draw the first watch on the gangway. Among the usual throng of journos and VIPs was a fit looking MILF who was an official tranlator. Anyway the silver tongued QM copped it straight away and quickly secured a date for the following evening, after he had come off watch.

    He duly went on the date which was a success and spent the night scuttling her back doors in and drinking vodka in her hell hole appartment. Email addresses where duly exchanged under the promise that he'd invite her to come and visit him in the UK. Anyway he kept up with the emails for a bit of entertainment and eventually things got a bit steamier with phots being exchanged.

    One night after a mess piss up, he staggered to a NavyStar terminal and sent a reply along the lines of 'those last pics you sent were sexy as fuck, I've spent all night thrapping to them etc. etc.'

    Unfortunately in his pissed up state, he accidently sent the email (with all the previous ones copied in) to his missus back home (the one he'd proposed to not 4 months earlier) and not Miss Vladivostock.

    Amazingly he managed to convince her that it was all an elaborate wind up executed by myself and another lad as a matelot joke. Ha ha ha.

    His missus didn't speak to me at the wedding and I didn't trap any of the bridesmaids.

    W**** you fat fuck, you still owe me a pint for saving your marriage.
  3. I know of an instance fairly similar to the one mentioned by 2DD, but in this case the guy had been married for something like 20 years. A visit to a foreign port had led to a liaison with a woman who lived there; he managed to get together with her on a few occasions and his wife was none the wiser.

    Until ...

    One day, when he composed a long and rather intense e-mail to the young lady, talking in detail about the time they had been spending together and referring to names of places etc. and his plans for their next meeting ...

    and in a monumental lapse of attention sent it to his wife.

    I believe that they are now divorced.
  4. Oh some funny stories there... excellent.

    I remember when my mum opened the phone bill and found a large amount of money on a television hotline..something like babe station..Dad shot up and didn't come back for a few days..then the fun started.

    I got away with that one!! Good job the old mans a dirty sod too!!
  5. :evil3:Same sort of experience but Prison Service not Mob.Did a dog handling refresher course with Lancs. Police Hutton Hall Nr. Preston. A mate copped off early on at Squires night club and had a torrid eight weeks of wild rampant sex. All good things come to an end and on return to station , it was a Sunday afternoon on weekend off,he was relaxing feet up after lunch and dinnertime session when threre was a knock on the door:censored: There she was suitcase in hand. The next time we met he was broke divorced and slumming it it the single officers quarters.:brave: Mine was a punch up at a dance when I unleashed a text book straight right and left cross , I'm a southpaw, and he just shook his head and laughed Oh fcuk. I got filled in BY A CRAB FROM R.A.F. CREDENHILL:disgust:
  6. Mermaid on passage to Singers to be stationed there as ''Five power (UK,Oz,NZ,Singers,Malaysia) agreement ship'', fez guardship, so married accompanied draft. Pulled in to Simonstown and ships company dance arranged in some club in Capes, all filled their boots with the local talent apart from me as I was on route to Simonstown after stint in DQ's. Yep, long Q outside sick bay on route to Seychelles, one stoker had caught a strain of vd that pissed on all anti-biotics so when we pulled into Singers he had some explaining to do to wifey waiting dockside.
  7. Similar one to yours Stirl, I once overheard a cracking conversation while doing WE rounds one night. One of the compartments you have to check also houses the Paradigm phone system so while you are banging out a set of rounds, it is polite to wait outside while the lad on the phone has finished his call.

    While waiting outside, I overheard the lad saying: ''Yeah babe, it's pretty serious, I was on the beach and I accidentally stepped on a syringe that was in the sand, it cut my foot and I am just waiting for the results from the tests now to see if it's all OK. Worse case scenario is AIDS, it's pretty rife in Africa. Fingers crossed yeah.''

    Turns out the filthy fucker had been going bareback on some pretty gopping whores and was preparing for the potential backlash when he got home.

    Luckily for him his tests came back clear. He must've been wearing his pusser's thick black socks.
  8. Similar dit, my best mucker in the mob on passage to FES on Berryhead '69, good looking bastard pulled a posh deb in Capes, she gave him knob rot that gave the finger to all attempts at treatment. In Terror with me and we met up again as barrack stansions in Viccy barracks.
    Haslar gave up and he was medical discharge July '70, came to my wedding in '73 and it had taken 2 yrs for civvy consultant to come up with a combo of drugs that finally nailed his knob rot. What is it with Africa and absolute bastard knob rot ?, mebbee west coast off shore rig peeps are having same probs today. They reckon monkey bum flu had it's origins in said continent.
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2011
  9. Ha!, thou seafaring virgin, any old mercantile mariner shell back and denizen of the African Coast trade will tell you in simple terms, " Mix not with the peoples therefrom, neither shalt thou entertain the leaders nor lay with their women for they are bearers of pestilence." or, in other words "dont fuck jungle bunnies, after all, you dont eat infected rabbits do you.

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