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TESCO'S DISPENSARY

babystew

Lantern Swinger
JOHN AND JACK ARE HAVING A PINT IN THE PUB, LEANING ON THE BAR. JOHN SAY'S MY ELBOW HURTS I THINK I'LL GO TO THE DOCTOR TOMORROW. JACK REPLYS WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE NEW TESCO'S MEDICAL MACHINE, ALL YOU NEED IS £5 AND A URINE SAMPLE.
THE FOLLOWING DAY JOHN GOES TO TESCO'S PUTS HIS FIVER IN , THE MACHINE THEN ASKS FOR HIS SAMPLE. AFTER TWO MINUTES OF WHIRRING OUT POPS A CARD WHICH READS YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW , SOAK IN WARM WATER AND REST FOR A WEEK.
BACK HOME JOHN IS AMAZED. AND WONDERS IF THE MACHINE CAN BE FOOLED. HE GETS A JAR PUTS IN TAP WATER, SOME URINE FROM HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER, AND CAT A PIECE OF DOG EXCRETEMENT, THEN TO FINISH OFF MASTURBATES INTO THE JAR. THAT AFTERNOON SEE'S HIM BACK IN TESCO'S WITH HIS SAMPLE AND £5
HE PUTS THE £5 IN .THE MACHINE THEN ASKS FOR HIS SAMPLE
FIVE MINUTES LATER AFTER MUCH WHIRRING OUT POPS HIS CARD
1/ YOUR TAP WATER IS TO HARD; GET A WATER SOFTNER
2/YOUR CAT IS EXPECTING KITTENS; GET A VET
3/ YOUR DOG HAS WORMS; GET WORM TABLETS
4/ YOUR DAUGHTER HAS VD; GET A DOCTOR
5/YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS AND THEY ARE NOT YOURS; GET A DIVORCE.
6/ IF YOU DONT STOP MASTURBATING YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.
 
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