TESCO'S DISPENSARY

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by babystew, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. JOHN AND JACK ARE HAVING A PINT IN THE PUB, LEANING ON THE BAR. JOHN SAY'S MY ELBOW HURTS I THINK I'LL GO TO THE DOCTOR TOMORROW. JACK REPLYS WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE NEW TESCO'S MEDICAL MACHINE, ALL YOU NEED IS £5 AND A URINE SAMPLE.
    THE FOLLOWING DAY JOHN GOES TO TESCO'S PUTS HIS FIVER IN , THE MACHINE THEN ASKS FOR HIS SAMPLE. AFTER TWO MINUTES OF WHIRRING OUT POPS A CARD WHICH READS YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW , SOAK IN WARM WATER AND REST FOR A WEEK.
    BACK HOME JOHN IS AMAZED. AND WONDERS IF THE MACHINE CAN BE FOOLED. HE GETS A JAR PUTS IN TAP WATER, SOME URINE FROM HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER, AND CAT A PIECE OF DOG EXCRETEMENT, THEN TO FINISH OFF MASTURBATES INTO THE JAR. THAT AFTERNOON SEE'S HIM BACK IN TESCO'S WITH HIS SAMPLE AND £5
    HE PUTS THE £5 IN .THE MACHINE THEN ASKS FOR HIS SAMPLE
    FIVE MINUTES LATER AFTER MUCH WHIRRING OUT POPS HIS CARD
    1/ YOUR TAP WATER IS TO HARD; GET A WATER SOFTNER
    2/YOUR CAT IS EXPECTING KITTENS; GET A VET
    3/ YOUR DOG HAS WORMS; GET WORM TABLETS
    4/ YOUR DAUGHTER HAS VD; GET A DOCTOR
    5/YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS AND THEY ARE NOT YOURS; GET A DIVORCE.
    6/ IF YOU DONT STOP MASTURBATING YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.
     

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