Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by IS-Potential, May 26, 2010.

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  1. Just got a call from the "National Crime research group" or some other similarly named group of cowboys. Told the harpy on the phone that I was TPS registered and to get lost, else likely face fines...cue half brained laughter from her and mouthful of chavvy imitation followed by an interesting choice of words from yours truly before hanging up.

    Next I get said muppets boss on the phone...threatening to report me to the council for "abuse" of his staff :roll: Needless to say I resisted the urge to collapse in peals of laughter or resort to salty language and instead illuminated him on the fact that a) he was talking out of his rear, b) he could go complain to the council if he liked, (I'm sure they would find his threats just as funny as I did) and c) to go away and stop cold calling me. What is it with Glasgewian chavvy telemarketing scum recently??

    Also found out later they are in the business of hawking shoddy and vastly overpriced alarms to the vulnerable under the claim of a home office survey showing a massive increase in burglary and other crimes locally...just wish I had known that at the time as I would have been nowhere near as polite.

    Telemarketers.....Make me wish I had an airhorn handy or worse :p

    Best / most amusing way of getting rid of the muppets?
  2. I had a fair few of them when I ran my own business. Here are a couple examples.

    1. Fuel card company rings - I make them hang up by convincing them all that worked for my business were done for drink driving and therefore had no need for a fuel card.

    2. Telephone Company - After listening to his speel, I went on to explain I didn't have a phone. To which he was confused on how he was talking to me. I said I got our handyman to rig up a Pot and string and that's how the phone call is connected. We can't ring out but we can recieve calls. He hung up.

    3. Courier company - Having to use a courier alot this was something I made sure I used the right people and after already telling them to go away, I one day recieved a call again trying to sell me their business. I said we don't need a courier I deliver by hand. He asked what about National deliveries. I said I drive it up to them, so then he cockily said what about international. I said I work near the sea I just strap it to my back and swim to the coast of the country I'm delivering to then run it to it's destination.

    I don't think they liked me afterwards
  3. Both of those are good :D

    Then again telling them this number is classified and strongly enquiring as to how they gained access to this number could also be a good ploy, dropping in hints of charges under the terrorism act etc.... :twisted: :twisted: not that I'm THAT evil though
  4. I just keep saying 'Hello' over and over again then say'I can't hear anyone' then hang up.

    One called the other day and asked for me by name, I said I wasn't in so he asked if I was a relative.
    I said no, Im just burgling the house and thought I'd answer the phone as it was ringing.

    I hung up as he went very quiet.
  5. I must confess that I used a similar tack with the guys who used to accost passers-by on the street outside my office; it was always "just about research" but invariably progressed on to asking for my office phone number so that I could be contacted "for further research". I always said that we couldn't give our numbers out for security reasons.
  6. I "pretend" that I'm wanking and ask them to talk dirty to me.
  7. I love it :lol:
  8. I actually work in such a world at the moment :oops: :oops: :oops:

    I am well up on the earning list. If you really want to make sure you don't get repeat calls etc, just pretend you are interested, give phoney (but realistic) details, keep the caller hanging on as long as poss. But before you do f'ck off ensure you tell them that you are glad you have wasted their time. Your name will be circulated as not to bother. I have actually turned round wind up calls by "playing the game". An ex- serviceman can normally make quite a decent wage as they can normally suss the wind ups straight away !!
  9. When I have the time I do that. Just keep stalling with "oh, hang on, there's someone at the door", "I need a pen because I am sooooo forgetful" and "what was the middle bit?".

    I like costing them money and lowering their call rate.
  10. mistaken double posting
  11. They called AGAIN tonight, asked them if they were trying to hawk me some alarm system and they went " of course not" so told them I wanted to speak to his boss, went onto hold for a good few minutes then the line went dead....partial success anyway.

    I think I'll play deaf next time, speak in tongues or perhaps attempt to sell him something or ask him to answer my survey on "telemarketing as a career path"...failing that...I think my dog training whistle (audible to humans and damned loud) might get blown close to the phone by "mistake" :twisted:
  12. I'm wondering whether your phone line provider allows you to block numbers which are a nuisance? Could you block their number?

    If you can't, but have caller display, just note their number and then, when you see it on the caller display, don't answer it.

    The "speaking in tongues" idea isn't bad; learn to say "I'm sorry, I don't understand English" in another language, preferably German.
  13. [quote="soleil]
    I'm wondering whether your phone line provider allows you to block numbers which are a nuisance? Could you block their number?

    If you can't, but have caller display, just note their number and then, when you see it on the caller display, don't answer it.

    The "speaking in tongues" idea isn't bad; learn to say "I'm sorry, I don't understand English" in another language, preferably German.[/quote]

    On a similar note. In my house we get an unavaliable number that calls constantly, and when answered, It just beeps and beeps and beeps and beeps till you hang up. Im not sure what it is, but it/ They phone at silly o'clock in the morning, Not amusing. :roll:

    As for telemarketers. I find the best way to wind them up is the following. You let them say they're whole spiel about whatever it is they are trying to sell. . .

    Then once they're finished say, could you repeat that please, And so on and so forth. Eventually they give up. If they dont, I ever so kindly tell them to fcuk off.
  14. If only Soleil, sneaky little toads withhold their number and as the Dr's, Bank, Credit Card anti fraud dept etc all withhold their number unfortunately not answering withheld numbers isn't an option.

    However top tip once again none the less :) :D . If they didn't withhold their number it would be blocked and their details sent to the Telephone Preference Society's complaints service for actioning or I would call back and keep calling back till they got the message to stop bothering me :wink:
  15. Could be a BT line test, we had that a few times, phoned BT who went "shouldn't be doing that at that time of day and I can see how that would get annoying" and they passed it on to the relevant department who eventually got it sorted out, touch wood no more calls since.

    Telemarketers: It was better when they called from the south of England, then drifting into broad Scots and talking as fast as possible was usually enough to put them off and stop them calling. Recently though most of them have been calling from Glasgow or thereabouts, and most of them sound like neds / chavs who have decided to experiment with the world of work....bad enough I struggle to understand them half the time or get a mouthful of verbal abuse from them :roll: I think I might invest in some cheesy hold music and leave them on hold for a while.
  16. Trig

    That sounds like you are being called by a fax machine.

    Next time, dial 1471 afterwards, see if you can get the number. Google it then e-mail the company trying to send faxes to your phone and ask them to stop. It's probably a marketing via fax company which has your number by mistake.
  17. Ill tell my mum and dad to have a look at that, about the line test!

    My bold - I could probably point you in the direction of the call centre they all call from if you wish, And give you some names too. ;)

    Again, Ill have a look into that. Its strange, it started doing it a couple of years ago. The parents did phone BT and they said they'd look into it. But recently its started a lot again. If they wake me up at 4.30 again, On their heads be it. Whoever / whatever's head it is :lol:

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