Swamper dit

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Sharkey, Mar 3, 2013.

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  1. The post about tinnitus that turned out he was pissing the bed reminds me of the time I shared a bed with a swamper, some digs in some grotty town, one double bed one single, we toss up, the flag wagger with us gets the single, me and the swamper in the double, come the dawn he's pissed the bed so gets up early and goes down the boat, door opens and woman who rune the place comes in, 40ish and quite nice, she looks at me pulls out a key and locks the door, she heads towards the bed loosening her kit, I panic, I,m going to be sexualy abused, I decide as a sailor of HM the Queen I should lie back and take whats coming, flag wagger wakes with a groan and surfaces from under blankets, woman groans, turns and leaves, bastard.
     
  2. So if flaggs had not broke surface you was gonna get down and dirty in a swamped pit.
    Hope you had your life jacket on, or was it a submariners version of hands to bathe?
     
  3. Closest I go to a bath on that trip
     

  4. Thats odd.............we bunting types have been known to sleep through earthquakes and the like.
     
  5. Was it not bunting tossers?
     
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  6. I pissed all over my first missus after an extreme piss up at her works Christmas party. I slept through it but she couldn't handle my wet dream.
    Lucky for me we had had a new bed a couple of weeks before and she had left the plastic on the mattress.
    We had only been married about 3 months of which time I had been away mostly.
    It was her introduction to being married to a matelot, and I think the beginning of what turned out to be, 10 years later, a happy divorce.
     
  7. Me and my mate got sorted with a couple of penpals while deployed out the gulf, got back drove up to Geordie land in my mates TR7 (yes it was a while ago) pulled up outside the flat in Middlesborough knocked the door and my oppos bint answered the door fcuking essence in a punk sort of way we go inside and my bint is on the sofa - all of it a real fat minger so I say Tom outside quick and say no way am I banging that fat munter he says if your a real mate you'll stay for the night just to let me bang the good looking one ok says I thinking maybe a two's up is on the cards no such luck. Got back from the working mans club bollocksed turns in with fat lass and promptly swamps on her then in her wardrobe, she writes me back a couple of days later saying if I send her flowers she will forgive me- eh fcuk off rather thrash my wrist.
     
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  8. I had a drunken nocturnal bit of accidental bladder action on a weekend away with my ex, luckily he was a deep sleeper and not the brightest bulb in the box- so i managed to escape embaressment by rolling him into the offending patch, considering my drunken state i am impressed and disgusted looking back that i thought of wiping a bit on him as well to look real. Not only does this make me grim, a liar and just generally mean, it also backfired as he was so embarassed i never saw him again haha! Whoops.
     
  9. Not been married long, met a couple in benidorm who invited us up to Durham.
    Well me and her hubby all day on exibition ale. Do not remember going to bed
    but remember being woken at god knows what time pissing all over lady from Durhams
    dressing table in her spare room. Her make up was sodden.
    My Missis was not to pleased. Tried to blame her but to no avail.
    You no what nowt was ever said about my incontinence the next day.
    We never got invited again.
     
  10. Thanks. Tissues at the ready.
     

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