Thirteen things to do in the supermarket while your spouse/partner/significant other is taking his or her sweet time: 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples trolleys when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in the home ware section to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilets. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in home wares' and see what happens. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a sales assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 9. While handling knives in the kitchen department ask the sales assistant if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Scuttle around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible. 11. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through squeal: 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!' 12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream: 'NO! NO! NOT THE LEG! It's those voices again'. 13. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly 'Excuse me! We're out of toilet paper in here!'