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SUBMARINERS TALES!!!!

Our Navigating officer on Revenge was a right w***er and no one liked the bloke,we used to call him "Skull on a Stick " and on one patrol we used to nip in the Nav Centre when they were all asleep(Which was most of the time) and leave Lollipop sticks with little skulls on them,and he never got the jist of this at all.
Many years later he was on the BBC when they were filming the officers doing there Perisher Course and I was so glad to see the tosser fail !
 
I used to like nailing subbies on the attack scope, by innocently forgetting to cover my little flashlight with the red lens...**snicker*** whooomph white light right in the face...ooops darn flashlight...
muttley.gif
 
One trip up north I was scope hoist op and one of the riders, a 2 1/2 was on the attack says "down scopes "I put the attack to down creep which was slow as he was still hanging off it.the search went down fast as soon as the handles went up
I then get a bolocking and am told "when I say down scopes they are to go down fast". I looked to the Capt who was in the control house, he shrugged his shoulders.
"Down attack" The lever went from stop to down fast and back to stop as quick as I could , the handles were 3" above the well combing and he was still hanging on to them skinned fore head and shaken up.
The Capt then invited him to his cabin for "a word". :thumright:
 
Story from the first of the Bombers: the Old Man came from S-Boats, when he got to the "New" R class, he forgot there were 2 speeds of raising or lowering the peep sticks, which didn't coincide with old submarine practice: when he famously forgot, and ordered " raise the attack periscope two(meaning inches)", followed by an agonised scream: exit Skipper with 2 glorious black eyes, whole control room watch in hysterics, and the outside killick the hero of the evening. Yes, Mad Mike, I was on the foreplanes, Peter the Eater was on the panel - elephants may forget, but pissed off JDs - NEVER !!!!
 
Engines was on the search periscope roundabout wearing socks and sandles. the second panel was playing about and super glued the engines sandle to the operating pedal. Trouble was he got some on the blokes sock as well, for those who have never tried it superglue and nylon dont mix without causing heat. engines starts to grunt something about "Huh Hot wax HOT WAX!" jumps up of the round about seat falls ass upwards as his jesus boot is firmly affixed to the pedal still.....Stop snorting etc skiper comes out blah blah. second panel gets to polish all the bright work for the next month.
 
Nutty said:
Topstop said:
O my the fun that can be had in black lighting on a long trip with a box of 5H pencils and a chart table :evil2: :evil2: :evil2:

If you were on a SM1 O Boat engaged on Mk 24 trials 71/72 and you are going to the SA Reunion in Coventry be prepared for a smacking.

Nutty

If you were doing 24 trials in 72 I may well have spoilt the odd day for you as Assistant Sea Trials Officer.
 
In case you missed this for you record of tales posted on the Diesel Weasle thread.

"Crabman wrote:
R-Gs comment about the canteen or lack of one is interesting. Whilst having a shufty round HMS Otus recently I noticed in one small tight corner a dymo tape notice "Les's bistro cafe disco". No one can accuse submariners of not having fantasy and imagination.

Fantasy and imagination were the Norm, (Get it). On S20 we started a habit of changing watches on make believe motor bikes roaring down the passge making engine noises whilst changing gears. After complaints from management we changed to a bus, guy at front steering the rest of the watch all closed up tight making engine noises and the back marker ding-dinging and "fares please". After more complaints from on high the CR was marked out with yellow tape double no parking lines.

Oh how we larffed.

Nutty

Also the sewing of little red stars cut out of No.3 uniform branch badges onto the front of hats wooly/jungle in case we were caught by the Russians and we could claim the Officers forced us to be there and we were all good party members. "


Nutty
 
I recall on one S Boat a rumour appearing on Daily Dits that FOST was advocating the use of McDonald's style name tallies and stars for the back afties, with a star for each area (lower level, upper level, etc). The MEO was fielding complaints all day about that one. The XO seemed to be laughing all day, by coincidence....
 
Gus Honeybun causes divorce!!!

A certain POSA in Defiance tells his wife he is being pier head jumped to a boat for 2 weeks to replace a guy who was sick and had to be transfered off.
2days latter wifey is pleased and suprised when Judy Spires announces "happy 5th birthday to little johnny who is very lucky as HMS XXXXXX has come in to port 2 weeks early and will be able to see his daddy to day"
Wifey phones boat he`s not there he`s on leave
Him and baby Wren SA he was on leave with not popular
Hardware businessand flat above all in wifeys name OUCH!!!!
 
Back in the late 60's Gus Honeybuns ear fell off as he was doing a waggle for some Matelot or child who with students were the main audience. At his next appearance he had the biggest bandage you have ever seen wrapped around his head.

Nutty
 
You may recall in o boats the WR urn had a valve handle up in the T frames above the sink, so you had to reach up above your head and put the cup under the tap. Stew Lillicrap had a part 3 porker come up one day wanting a brew " make it yerself knob!" was his reply. Any way the porker got his brew makings and was looking for the tap on the sink looking puzzled. Stew made out he was casually leaning with his hand on the t frame"Oi its a voice activated tap repeat after me in a loud clear voice On tap" so the lad does and lo and behold the water appears in his cup.
Later in the night the part 3 rag has been sent to get the brews in for the lads, the XO was a wakened from his bunk in the passage way by the frustrated kid yelling ON TAP ON TAP
 
oz/RAN said:
You may recall in o boats the WR urn had a valve handle up in the T frames above the sink, so you had to reach up above your head and put the cup under the tap. Stew Lillicrap had a part 3 porker come up one day wanting a brew " make it yerself knob!" was his reply. Any way the porker got his brew makings and was looking for the tap on the sink looking puzzled. Stew made out he was casually leaning with his hand on the t frame"Oi its a voice activated tap repeat after me in a loud clear voice On tap" so the lad does and lo and behold the water appears in his cup.
Later in the night the part 3 rag has been sent to get the brews in for the lads, the XO was a wakened from his bunk in the passage way by the frustrated kid yelling ON TAP ON TAP

PMSL
 
oz/RAN said:
You may recall in o boats the WR urn had a valve handle up in the T frames above the sink, so you had to reach up above your head and put the cup under the tap. Stew Lillicrap had a part 3 porker come up one day wanting a brew " make it yerself knob!" was his reply. Any way the porker got his brew makings and was looking for the tap on the sink looking puzzled. Stew made out he was casually leaning with his hand on the t frame"Oi its a voice activated tap repeat after me in a loud clear voice On tap" so the lad does and lo and behold the water appears in his cup.
Later in the night the part 3 rag has been sent to get the brews in for the lads, the XO was a wakened from his bunk in the passage way by the frustrated kid yelling ON TAP ON TAP

That was the legendary "On Tap Tommo" or "Tommo the Amazing". The boat was Otway I believe.


Ovens came alongside 4 days early due to a defect, so a certain LSMT decided to have a few days on the piss instead of going home. Unfortunately for our boy his wife was an ABMTD (Driver) based at another establishment and two days after we got in she had a job that brought her down to Plats.

"Oh, how nice!" she thought, "Hubbys boat has just got back, I'll just go down and see him and promise him all sorts of erotic delights when he gets home tonight".

Unfortunately a quick conversation with the Trot Sentry established that the boat had, in fact, been back for two days. At this the young woman intent on offering all sorts of sexual delights became a screaming banshee demanding to have her wayward hubby brought to the casing so she can tear him a new ********.

This is where I came into the story. I was returing from inboard and the moment I spied AB X on the casing I realised that LS X's few days of single life had come to an abrupt end. After calming AB X down I had LS X piped to the casing. However word had quickly got around and after several pipes with nil result I finally tracked LS X down hiding in the Bear Pit. All his begging and pleading was to no avail as I ordered him to the casing to face the music. By this time an interested audience had gathered to see how our hero would face the challenge that confronted him.

It's not often one sees a rather petite AB dragging a large hairy arsed stoker across the brow by his ear, or hears the sort of language she was using. I have no doubt that he did not get his end away that night, or for many nights to come.
 
WEO on the Otter used to wear his torch on his pocket like a pistol.
WEO was OOW on the after peep stick round about about 23:00. Ginge Battersby Killick stoker was on the panel and bored. He had finished picking his nose and wiping it on anyone and everyone as they passed thru a darkened Control Room. I was sat on the after planes keeping a beady eye on Ginge making sure he didn't attached a grolly on my T shirt.
Nope I was safe Ginge was busy trying to switch the WEOs torch on whilst he went round on the roundabout. After about 5 or 6 rotations Ginge managed it, switch the WEOs torch on that is. This coincided with the skipper, Pat Walker, entering a darkened Control room with the exception of a light going round and round like a revolving lighthouse. We were trying like mad not to laugh WEO was giving bearings on surface vessels etc When the skipper yelled who's F***ing torch is that turn the F***ing thing of where upon the WEO threw his two pennyworth in between reports 'yes turn that torch off ' he bellowed without taking his eyes away from the eyepieces on the peep stick. Its your F***ing torch WEO, The Control Room fell about the laughter could not be contained any longer. Oh happy days.
 

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