Submariners Quirks?

#1
What strange quirks did you have on your boat? One I remember (from, I think it was Sealion, but might have been Cachalot) were "GONE" chits. If someone left anything loafing around, it would be removed, and in its place would be left a chit with the word "GONE". This would happen in an instant, and anyone was a target, including members of the bunrun.The perpetrator(s) went undiscovered, and it was only after a plea from the skipper that the practice ceased.

We also had the baseplate award - if you fecked up, you were made to wear an SSE baseplate on a length of string round your neck until relieved by the next miscreant. Stupid I know, but hey - Submarines not Royal Marines - right?
 
#2
On Onslaught we had zapping which was like a permanant April Fool system of wind ups etc.
When caught biting you said 'Zap', used to get quite emotive and some times would lead to fisticuffs of the friendly nature.
Someone also used to make mystery pipes at odd times of the day or night.
Never did find out who it was.
 

theoldti

Lantern Swinger
#3
On Renown we kept getting 999 calls and the buggers were hanging up.
After 2 nights of keeping watches on the telephone exchange, monitoring where the call came from we found that it was from an outside line via junction dialling. The lower deck trot on the boat on 1 berth was dialing 7 to get off his boat, dialing 72 to get onto our exchange on 2 berth and then 999 to activate our alarm! Oh waht fun those middle watches were!!!!!!!!
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#4
rod-gearing said:
On Onslaught we had zapping which was like a permanant April Fool system of wind ups etc.
When caught biting you said 'Zap', used to get quite emotive and some times would lead to fisticuffs of the friendly nature.
Someone also used to make mystery pipes at odd times of the day or night.
Never did find out who it was.
Our version of zapping involved carrying the Sheriff type badge that came off of those scented toilet blocks. If zapped, anytime, anywhere, onboard or ashore and unable to immediately produce said badge it cost you sippers. It got out of hand, as always, you'd just get into the hover position to crimp one down and the doors would fly open to a cry of zap, bloody times that I've fallen off those little footstools in the heads trying to find the badge. I think a line was drawn under it when people starting shaking the off watch lads with a cry of zap and someone got goffered.
Only sure way to have it with you all the time was to have it around your neck as a necklace, trouble is the edges were sharp.....happy days.
 
#5
Stuff to make Long Trips more interesting.

(1).Rounds - beware eggs in Deckhead flaps
(2).Waking up to go on watch only to discover your Steamin Wazzers/shoes
had been filled with water and put in the freezer for six hours before being returned.
(3).Have all the bunk curtains tied together, so that when the last one in
line shut his, yours opened, you shut yours his opened etc....fiiigghht!
(4). Refer to (1). only place eggs in Steaming Wazzers/Shoes prior to
everyone flying out of their carts during a fire exercise.
(5). Have the Night Chef go through the Control Room when in Black
Lighting, having first ensured his mitts are covered in flour, grasp everyone
as he goes through..."S'cuse me....S'cuse me etc". Normal lighting in Control Room, everyone's covered in handprints.

And finally....

A very disgruntled Wrecker was sighted crashing along 2-deck clutching
a vile smelling clear plastic-bag. After a shit-load of effing & blinding he
stapled said plazzy bag to the Ships Company Notice Board.
This bag contained several teaspoons, scotchbrites, a tube of toothpaste,
some loose change and other flotsam & jetsam. The hand-written notice
underneath it read as follows:

"WILL THE &&**%%""@@~~## WHO DUMPED THIS
[email protected]@~***!!! LOT DOWN TRAP THREE PLEASE CONTACT
THE WRECKER - AS HE WOULD LIKE TO GIVE IT HIM BACK!"


(There were, as I recall no takers)
 
#7
0200 hours off watch at sea……. came the pipe “EMERGENCY STATIONS†….all hell broke loose …the worst bit was trying to get up the ladder from the control room…..with some bugger standing on your head and someone else climbing up your back. eventually you manage to claw your way out through the side door in the fin and sheepishly line up with the rest all in (an illegal) state of undress …looking round….. the boat was making about three knots with the sea like a millpond and the banks of some Scottish loch rising high on both sides…
then high above us came a voice from the top of the fin…

Seven and a half minutes…not very good ….we`ll do it again later……
 
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