Stupid Questions

Ok in an attempt to brighten up this Vessel,no more Muslims,Jihad,Piles,Gays or other fecking topical subjects.Whats the most stupidest thing youve asked when in the Mob????

 

whilst in full number 1 rig....."so you in the navy then mate?"

 

Over heard in a Joint RN/RAF crewroom.

Rating One- Got a bollocking off a PO yesterday!
Rating Two- What, a navy one?

Jointery at its best


YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCE WHEN YOU CHOOSE YOUR BRANCH

 

as a NE "what's that leather thingee on your wrist mean Chief?" didn't have to ask again 8O 8O

 

Whats a spare lash Chief?

 

Not exactly what I said but....
In sickbay with glandular fever as a trainee. Managed to haul my carcass out of bed to go to the heads and drop the patel kids off at the pool.
Dropped the bottoms of my brown hatter's oavies and sat on the bowl to commence operations only to be rudely interrupted by two nurses, What the Fcuk?????
Apparently the light pull switch is for an alarm, not a light.
Doh!
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Did IT course many years back and the technique is question and answer throughout the lecture to maintain interest.

My lecture was on the safety aspects of hillwalking. As a killick wren RNR I asked a whole bunch of hairy arsed regular SRs

'Can anyone tell me how they would keep their equipment dry?'

Queue hysterical laughter from my classmates, and for those of you who are interested, it is put a bin liner in your rucksac.

 

Not so much a question I asked, but an answer I gave as a New Entry;

Q. What distinguishing marks does an RNR officer wear?

A. They have an R in their ring...... I was then lectured by a very upset S-Lt RNR that the correct term was "curl" while the other instructor, an old and bold CPO Stoker, was unfit for further instruction due to stifled laughter.

 

By a subbie....!!

So leading hand how long can we expect your 10 minutes brief to last..!!

10 minutes Sir!!

Doh!!!

 

No such thing as a stupid question, only a stupid answer!

Well that did come from our CHOPS(M)

 

Shit JD, where you been, thought you'd gone on draft :roll:

 

Got a phone call from the Legion last night trying to sell me a go in their new lottery.

"So, are you ex forces sir?"

"Yes 23 years in the RN", I replied

"Ever go to Sea?"

Clunk DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD







(Just thought I would bump my first ever post)

 

I must admit to asking during ammoing ship in Guzz, if they are only 3" rockets why is the box so big, i can only say in my defence as a stoker the fresh air got to me

 

No such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people.


(I think that was Mr Garrison in South Park years ago, but still good)

 

Top tip. Get some of these for your bergen instead:

 

"Chief, does this button shut down the whole....?....<sound of Ikara loading system shutting down>...oops!"

<sound of Chief's hand impacting the back of my head>

In my defence it was a dodgy emergency-off push and I only very lightly touched it.

 

Ah, Ballistic, that reminds me.

Not Navy but still embarrassing. Winter ’71 at Preston Air Traffic Control RADAR Unit.

Me; pointing to the PPI RADAR display; “what does that Trip button do?

Daventry Sector Controller; “don’t know. Let’s try itâ€. Screen instantly goes blank and the busiest Sector in the Northern FIR is blind.



Background.

That morning, as an ATCO under training, I’d been left to my own devices in the training room with a RADAR display, to familiarise myself with its controls and operation. After a while, so much noise had accumulated on the display that it was unreadable and nothing I did would make it better. Remembering that the Distance From Touchdown Indicator in the Tower had a “reset†button that tidied up the display, I noticed the “trip†button and thought “ah! resetâ€. Wrong! The screen went blank and nothing worked. It was dinner time, so I’d buggered off for some eats and was to spend the afternoon with the Sectors 1 and 6 Controller. Still puzzling over what I’d actually done I thought it was a sensible question.

 

on the road recently, pulled in to a nationally known service station with a branch of an equally well known italian themed coffee chain in it. In rig since I was on my way to a recruiting event, queued up at the counter, hoping to get my 20% discount at the till, ordered my wet and ready to pay, the cashier girls turns round to her oppo and asks:

"does the royal navy get an armed forces discount?"

I know we're known as the silent service, but give me strength!

that is the wonderful world of the general public...

 

This lads nick name was Bambi because his surname was Deer!

I asked him if it was because his mum was dead!!

 

Or only stupid people!!