Strangest Direct Order !!

pugfrom83

Lantern Swinger
Ships Office, HMS ANDROMEDA Cadiz'86 . Present: Myself, WTR Kev R***e and CPOWTR Fred Mo***ter. Kev being a fat [email protected] and having had a dodgy Spanish meal or two on the previous night was guffing for Britain. Fred (whose nickname was "fiery fred due to being the worlds most boring cnut) is not impressed. After an hour or so of pretty obnoxious gasses from Wtr R, said CPO was aggrieved enough to utter the following order.

"Wtr R you are to leave the ships office and vacate your bowells at the earliest opportunity. You are then to return to the ships office and complete your duties. Do you understand the order ?"

Kev, duely dissapears and leaves poor old me to be threatened (5 mins later) to be run for insubordination due to incessent laughter.
 

Topstop

War Hero
Control room S******* 76

Heard in the Control room coming up to PD.

"LT B***** ****** Remove that finger from your nose and stop scratching your arrse." 8O
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Adjutant: "Sig Blackrat. Get on top of that glass coffee table and have a shit on it"
Blackrat: "Ok Sir"

2 minutes later

Adjutant: "Thank you Lance Corporal Blackrat"
 

wunt_be_druv

Badgeman
My strangest order was a Makita petrol disc cutter from screwfix. (£489.90 inc VAT).
I thought it was a motorbike.
 

pugfrom83

Lantern Swinger
Blackrat said:
Adjutant: "Sig Blackrat. Get on top of that glass coffee table and have a shit on it"
Blackrat: "Ok Sir"

2 minutes later

Adjutant: "Thank you Lance Corporal Blackrat"
Would I be correct in assuming that said coffee table had a rim around the edge to avoid "spillage" ?
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
pugfrom83 said:
Would I be correct in assuming that said coffee table had a rim around the edge to avoid "spillage" ?
You would. And a clearance below of 2 feet. Just enough space for someone to get underneath it.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Freemantle docks Australia, Nov 1972 location in a dory doing side party HMS Devonshire.
POGI Pete Overfield lowering 12 cans of tiger down to us at about 9.30AM
" Make sure you see it all off before you come inboard Ratty." 8O
Just had telegram daughter born. :D :D :D

It took about three days to remove the boot topping off me after first freeing me from it. Cheers nick, and cheers Spidivers Bro. :thumbup:
 

Stirling

Banned
Some V/Admiral paying a visit to Sultan so big clean up all round, buffers party sweeping gutters in the road when Ch Stoker comes up and sez....

' You lot, go and skirmish the rubbish tip'......eh?

Returning from our 2 week stay off Mekong Delta before sods opera started during 1st watch.

' Do you here there, Captain speaking, all ships company not on middle or morning watches are ordered to get drunk'

Roger Sir. :)
 

The_Jimmy

War Hero
Rumrat said:
Freemantle docks Australia, Nov 1972 location in a dory doing side party HMS Devonshire.
POGI Pete Overfield lowering 12 cans of tiger down to us at about 9.30AM
" Make sure you see it all off before you come inboard Ratty." 8O
Just had telegram daughter born. :D :D :D

It took about three days to remove the boot topping off me after first freeing me from it. Cheers nick, and cheers Spidivers Bro. :thumbup:
:headbang:
 
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