As some know over the last 2 years I have attempted to write a book, 23,000 words later it is not even a pamphlet and I have exhausted what little is left of my grey cells to get to the finish, some of it you have already read apart from my mob life which is er interesting. I will post daily chunks till it is finished. . Chapter 1 Stirling Clones : At this time after all the years of heavy drinking my puddled brain was convinced that an army of clones were at my beck and call and the time was ripe for me to start my own private security company to rid the streets of my beautiful city of all the smack heads, winos, beggars and other detritus. I am bloody pig sick of one particular work shy bastard at the University of York, my work place. who only lifted a finger if the work would make him look good to the management, in short a brown nosing glory hunter . February/ March at Uni was boiler cleaning season, bloody hard graft but by third week of March myself and JH had broken the back of it, helped on occasion by DE, loads of overtime which meant more drinking vouchers. My luck was also in money wise as my bank had offered me a credit card back end of February with a limit of £ 2,500 to which I had already made inroads. Monday of the last week of March I handed in my notice on a scrap of paper to my supervisor, nice man but one of the worst communicators I have ever come across, he laughs and hands it back ‘’ Don’t be silly Stirl, is this a joke ?’’….’’I’m bloody serious boss I have work to do else where’’. I go to the central boiler house and have a cuppa and a tab and get stuck in to some work, pretty soon ML the charge hand arrives and ask’s what’s going on, ‘’I am leaving mate I have had enough and I’m needed elsewhere’’ ‘’But wot yer gonna do’’ ‘’That is fer me at know and you to ponder’’ MW is gob smacked, I don’t want to leave him in the lurch but needs must, I tell him of some gear we need and off he trotts. When you work hard time flys and it is soon tea break time, I go to the nearby college for a ‘’poorly hand’’, massive bap filled with scrambled egg. Enter mess room GC a lecy spots the poorly hand , ‘’ Ah, another heart valve goes bang’’, cheeky twat. Much banter about the weekend just gone, ‘’Ow much did yer plough through this w/end Stirl ?’’….’’Who are you, a fcukin detective’’ cackle cackle. T break over it is in to the workshops to see if any urgent work sheets have come in for my zone, there are none. Back to the boiler house, Smelly work shy comes up in his car, running joke is if he strays more than 50 ft from his car an alarm goes off, he stands about while we get stuck into work, jungle telegraph is working overtime and I can sense he is dying to ask about my notice but dare not, he knows I will tear his arm off and hit him with the soggy end, he pisses off. Dinner time soon arrives and it is down to the bakers in the village to get a jacket spud with hot filling of today’s special, in the mess room my mind is full of thoughts of strategy to kick off the clean up of York, after dinner no urgents for my area so back to boiler house, Smelly arrives and goes upstairs to sit on his arse in the office playing on the computer monitor…..RAGE….. I keep it tight and concentrate on work. 1630 I crash my nicks and socks out, hang them in the CHP CAT house where it is red hot, by the time I have finished my shower they are dry. Back to workshops to fill in worksheets and don fresh work shirt for trip home, 1700 and I’m out the door, supervisor ‘’Stirl can I have a word’’ ‘’Tomorrow’’, I am into ramming speed for the walk home, RW pulls up in Dolly and gives me a lift to traffic lights cutting my time to get to my local. First pint of the day, yum. People talk but my mind is elsewhere, have had enough of this and walk up to TheNorthern Wall to have a banter with A S the barman I have known for donkeys, back to the local for last orders then pizza, home, sleep. Next day avoid GT the supervisor, up to CBH, cuppa, tab ,work. ML arrives to lend a hand and we have a laff as work progresses but I can see in his eyes there are many questions he needs to ask but being the sound man he is, schtum. Tea break, another poorly hand and over to w/shops where GT is waiting, ‘’Stirl, about your notice, I …….’’I am leaving GT, get used to it’’ ‘’ Bbut…… ‘’FFS leave it GT…..I have work to do’’ ‘’Stirl ‘’…..too late I am up to ramming speed and away. Dinner time, by now every man and his dog knows about my notice but good on them for not being nosy bastards. After dinner GT comes up to CBH and I decide to use language that he will understand, ‘’Stirl…..’’Fcuk off I’ve nowt to say’’…..’’I have to talk to you’’…..’’Asked and answered’’….’’Stirl please’’… ‘’Asked and answered’’, he pisses off but comes back minutes later with some notepaper, ‘’Will you listen to me?’’….’’Possibly maybe, probably no’’….‘’What…..’’…..’’Asked and answered’’ ‘’We cannot accept your notice on the scrap of paper you gave me, if you are serious which I doubt then make it official on this note paper’’…..RAGE, I snatch the note paper and go to office to pen my notice AGAIN, ML arrives and stands at office door making idle chit chat, ‘’Give this to GT mate’’….’’ Er, okay, see ya in a bit’’. End of day, into the Spread Eagle my local, couple of drinking buddies in and we chat about one of our passions, Rugby League. I can sense the landlady, a redhead , is about to enter into one of her many ‘’interviews’’, I leave, bloody armchair psychologists. Up to Wall, it is AS’s night off, bugger, down to Rose and Crown and have a laff with buddies I have known since the 70’s. Pizza, home, sleep. Wednesday GT seems to have got the message and is using ML as a conduit, ML informs me I have a meeting after T break with the head of our department to confirm my notice , I enter big cheese office and GT is present, I am a reasonable photographer and have already done a couple of promo shoots for pubs in York and flannel big cheese with lies about jobs in the pipeline, he wishes me well and thanks me for my 20 years service at Uni, GT has sat there with mouth open all through this, confused GT ?, you will be. Exit office, ‘’Stirl…..I give him a look and at last he is receiving and not transmitting. Thursday, tomorrow I will be rid of this place and can put my very detailed plans into action, joe public starts his w/end on Friday nights, we start a day early, sides are aching with the banter this night, chips and curry sauce, home, sleep. Friday, dress in black Doc’s, black vest and black Lycra cycling bottoms, Walkman playing Techno version of Das Boot by U96 and I’m good to go, first tab of the day and increase ramming speed pace….peeps give me plenty of room and I am thankful. Work, go into lecy w/shop and hold my Royal Navy zippo up to GC’s face……‘’Mirror image’’ ( Clone )….’’Er….yea’’ GT is waiting in the our w/shop….‘’Stirl there is still time to withdraw your notice…RAGE…… HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I AM FINISHED HERE. ‘’ But…..DE recognises what could happen and steps in, result.Up to CBH for a cuppa and tab, sort what needs doing that day, sign off some stuff on the computer. DE ‘’ I’m gagging Stirl, fancy a cuppa ‘’….’’Aye’’. Cuppa, tab, DE ‘’You off ‘ome then?’’…’’May as well’’ 0930, bye bye suckers. Shower and change into some of my best gear and wait for opening time. Listen to soundtrack of Taxi Driver. Suddenly there is change Out, adrenalin is pumping and I am high as a Button Boy, Northern Wall, landlord behind the bar, ‘’Pint Stirlin’’…’’Aye’’ pint proffered…’’Stirlin will pay for this later today when he flies in from LA’’….landlord exit stage left, tab…. Second pint, same response, tab. Spot some detritus giving tourists hassle from Wall window, pint off and approach them, slow, quiet info as to what they should do, they move on. Walked the mile or so to city plod shop, stand outside and glare at them for a bit and back into town, spot Spread landlady but she manages to avoid me. Into the Wall, by this time AS is behind the bar…..‘’Stirl wot the fcuk are you on ?, are ya gonna pay for these drinks’’…… hand him my credit card wallet and as he goes to the till I leave, bump into MM and bum a tab, walk the city walls and go home, get some shut eye. 1700..out, down to Rose and Crown, couple of mates in but I do not buy a drink, pick an argument with a total stranger and offer him out, landlord tells my mates to get me out of his pub…they drag me out and we make for the Spread, them complaining that I have ruined their evening. Spread, unknown to me one of the two Rose lads tells landlady that I am about to explode and she calls plod, making a nuisance of myself and go for a lag, out the rear door of Spread, round the back of motor cycling clothing shop and back on the street. Meat wagon screeches to a halt outside Spread so I quicken my step assuming there is trouble inside, landlady and assistant come out and scream at plod ‘’ He’s gone’’…. and there am I walking towards them, 2 plod grab me but I do not struggle as I know my rescue squad will spring me within the hour.