Still Bitter & Twisted

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Joint_Force_Harrier, Jan 28, 2016.

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  1. Lets start a new one where we can post things we wont let lie :)

    Years ago when working at Cottesmore the education centre put out a poster all about the Armed Forces Learning Awards, take note of the words Armed Forces.

    You had to fill in a form with all the learning/quals you had done that year and submit it after being signed by your boss. That year I banged out a HNC, a GCSE in something, 16th Edition wiring and a few other bits.

    I then got a letter from the Education Officer saying that the awards are really only for the RAF and MOD “RAF” based civilians and mine couldnt really be considered !!! My boss (Sqn Leader) went “ffing” mad and read the Education Office his horoscope, I was then asked to pop over and was given a poundshop digital organiser. The winner was a lady in the cash office (civvy) who had completed an NVQ in filing or something; even the Ed O said I should have won it.

    First prize was a £200 amazon voucher.
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  2. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    • Like Like x 4
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  3. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    I'm still fuming that ExJ hasn't provided the Onesie photo's
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  4. Oh, that one is still running. Excellent, I knew I wasn't wasting my time standing at the stop waiting for it to come along again . . .

    All together now . . . :mad:
  5. We need a FFS button , along with a FRO button.
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  6. I am still flabbergasted that a brave young man should have been treated so abysmally
  7. Slim, I'l bet your flabber has never been so gasted!
  8. I'm not as bitter and twisted as I thought I was:-

    The "Officers coffee" e-mail scandal.

    From: xxxxxxxxxx
    Sent: 10 November 2015 11:11
    To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Subject: 20151110-Officers’ Coffee Adjt-O
    Importance: High
    Subbies (and Capts who from time to time may have to stand in)
    Officers’ Coffee
    However basic and simple you may think making Officers’ Coffee is, it is something that needs to be done correctly otherwise you look like idiots. It is something you are failing at, especially when people are away and others are asked/not asked to cover.
    The CO had to wait for some coffee this morning as a second jug hadn’t been put on – This is completely unacceptable.
    Just to clarify a few things so everyone is sure of what is expected:
    1. The most junior officer is responsible for Officers’ coffee. Until Feb 16 this is 2Lt [redacted]. He is to perform the duty each day that coffee is on. If he is unavailable he is to approach the next junior officer available to stand in for him.
    2. Ensure that there is always enough coffee. Never run out. Taylors is a good choice for coffee and don’t scrimp on biscuits. A selection of the following always goes down well: jaffa cakes, choc malted milks, choc hob nobs or digestives and as a treat party rings or pink wafers. It is important not to run out of coffee or biscuits as occasionally I have to put on a pot of coffee and a plate of biscuits when hosting officers that visit [battalion headquarters].
    3. Put the other officers before yourself. Make sure you gauge how much coffee to put on and when. Make sure the milk jug and sugar bowl always have enough in. If someone brings in cake ensure there is a knife and paper towels handy. Don’t wait to be prompted.
    4. Clearing up. Ensure the kitchen area and Harris room are left clean and tidy. This means: coffee machine switched off and cleaned, cups all cleaned (no coffee stains inside) and hung back on rack or placed back on tray. Coffee machine table wiped, kitchen sink and draining board wiped, table in Harris room wiped.
    I’m annoyed that I even have to write this. Get a grip and do the duty properly. You don’t have to do it for that long so do it right. When the CO sees an organised and proactive subaltern at coffee she can presume that you are organised and proactive in how you run your Pl.
    Enough said.
    And just to continue the pleasantries, she signed off with: ‘I’m annoyed that I even have to write this. Get a grip and do the duty properly.’

    Read more:
  9. Got told at the end of phase two I was going to fly to the Caribbean to meet my ship I was buzzing this is exactly what I dreamed of when I was in the careers office. The next day I went and got my tropics which despite looking a little gay meant it was a dead cert as the Navy wouldn't waste money right. The following day I got called in to see my DO who told me I was off to Temeraire to sign out squash bats and be the PTIs bitch.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
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  10. In Nelson for release and just finishing getting all the stamps to say I had returned AGR and such , picked up for haircut by WO1 , '' I am going outside tomorrow Sir '' ''Just not your day today is it'' he took me into reg office and told RPO that I was to report back to reg office having had my haircut before release .
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  11. Should've had a Steward drafted there.
  12. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Quite right too :D

    There are two ways to become a Warrant Officer. One involves joining the Freemasons.
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  13. Face Palm.jpg Sweet Jebus...Where do we get these a***holes?
  14. Trainer

    Trainer War Hero Book Reviewer

    Compulsory redundancy 16 months before my Immediate Pension Point. Think you can close the file now.....
  15. Trainer

    Trainer War Hero Book Reviewer

    I know its not good to you but if you have someone in your RN Orbat who is a deserving learner, then RNTM 375/15 Naval Service Elective Learning Annual Awards and Lt Cdr Hooper Essay Competition 2016. On the streets now.
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  16. Sounds like sour grapes. I'm pretty certain there is no NVQ in filing, and I suggest you move on. If that isn't an option, you might consider some cognitive behavioral therapy.
  17. Trainer

    Trainer War Hero Book Reviewer

    Sorry, just before any of us responds, who is it that you are trying to Troll here?....
  18. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    As I reached my terminal years, eking out my last in some godforsaken shore establishment driving a desk, I learned of a junior colleague getting his MSM. I thought, "That looks interesting," so I investigated. Fuck me, I ticked all the boxes, by some order and years as well. I approached my DO and he initially gave me the weary 'fuck's sake ... do I have to do this?' sigh. After some prodding, he looked into it and reluctantly agreed, then asked me ... to write myself up. This I did, using only honest, provable details inculded in my service record. Why bullshit? Others did and got theirs. I had it all there in my docs. He then went on leave, eventually picked it up in his inbox, procrastinated, allowed the deadline to approach and told me he'd put it in, with such a manner of dishonesty, I couldn't muster the courage to challenge this two-and-a-half for fear of being trooped. Months passed. I asked, and asked again and after asking several times more, he glibly replied, "Oh ... yeah, that. It wasn't successful. Never mind, eh?" I just knew he hadn't bothered to put the chit in.

    My draft came in and I measured the sensibility of travelling down to FOST against my length of time remaining and made a career decision. Seven clicks and I had my TX date. I went to my DO again regarding the MSM and this time, relieved, he told me, "Ah. You've got your notice in so you are not eligible." I believe this isn't so, but, hey ho.

    When I went outside I met up with another mate of mine, and learned he'd been bemedalled. His DO called him in and asked him if he'd considered the MSM. He hadn't. The DO did all the work and two months later the gong arrived. All he had to do was sign here, and here. He never wore it because he left the mob two weeks after getting it.

    DOs, eh? Some is good. Some are just Kuntz.

    Last edited: Feb 10, 2016
  19. Went on the table for my 1st GCB (around 1990 ish) and marched up to Cdr and his first words were "And wheres your DO?", I looked to Port and Stbd, and alas I was on my own :eek:

    Went back to the Squadron and my boss asked how it went, told him and he flew into a rage and stormed down to the Aircrew shack to tear one off my DO (Culdrose 771 Seaking SAR Pilot, hold that thought!!!)

    My DO who was the Duty Standby Pilot that day was nowhere to be seen, pipes, phonecalls to the wardroom and nobody could find him :oops:

    The final straw was to ring his next of kin, they ran the number of his family home (in Yeovil, 150 miles away) and loe and behold he answered the phone :mad:, not only was he duty but he was 150 miles away. He returned to work, took his bollocking, yes, a bollocking nothing more and and
    ignored me for the rest of my draft. My write up to go on Killicks course was "I have not know this man long enough to provide a write up", or words to that effect.

    Ended up as a Sea Harrier Pilot however was an 800 Squadron Jumper Tucker.

    Funny story about him and his dhoby in Norway, @Pontius , I think you might now know who I am taking about ;)
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  20. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    Of course, then there's the time when I was exiting a job on a particularly unique ship and during my leaving interview, told the CO that in my professional opinion, his vessel was fucked and would come back from the next extended deployment either under tow or on the back of a ship-lift.

    "Well," he said, barely concealing his contempt and anger at being fifteen-twoed with a pretty damning assessment. "I'm afraid I disagree with you there."

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