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STC - Special Force!

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Classified material? I've got reams of it.

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From:
Professor Archibald Whizzer-Jenkins
C/O Interrogation Unit
HMS PAINFUL
PO Box 666

Date *************

Dear COBRA Team,

Regarding your recent request to this Interrogation Unit to carry out a study of current techniques in this area and i.a.w.
paragraph 6b.(ii) of Document Zero Three (Information extraction - new methods and strategies), I have the honour to report that
this Unit has successfully developed (and utilised in "real time" situations) two new extremely cost effective ways to extract information from captured agents thereby negating the need to activate rendition directives.
Using two captured hostile agents as test cases, we have broken their resolve to stay silent in less than 48 hours.
Subject Alfa - Mustafa Al-Rama-Lama-Dingdong (Iraq Int Dept) refused to answer any questions using known persuasive methods (i. e. Waterboarding, assorted electrodes on various body parts etc), but cracked and gave up the names and addresses of his entire UK cell when he was told that his interrogators assistant was going to insert a tube into his anus and (quote) "top him up with expanding polystyrene foam" (unquote).
Enclosure 1.

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This method has been judged to be extremely efficient and stocks of foam can be purchased in bulk from any good DIY establishment for a fraction of the price of a rendition flight to Cambodia.

Subject Bravo - Arthur Gimp (British civilian MOD employee, handled by a Bulgarian diplomat) went insane and attempted to kick his own head in after being made to "force watch" this, running on a continuous loop for 36 hours.
Enclosure 2.


It is this Units opinion that the two new interrogation methods be incorporated in the next change to Document Zero Three and given the widest dissemination (on a need to know basis).

Yours Truly,

A Whizzer-Jenkins Bsc(hons) MRSA
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The author, off to the "grab a S. A. S." wife bop at Stirling Lines while hubbies were away bimbling around Brecon Beacons.
Christ! Me in my best Bernards clobber and
my trusty vinyl-topped Ford Capri......they were chucking themselves at me. I had so many pairs of nickers in the glove compartment, I had to put all my eight track Barry White cassette tapes on the back seat!

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(I still have those trousers AND they still fit me - just as long as I put them on over my head).
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Forerunners of the STC, the QVSG (Queen Victoria Special Gentlemen), who had their HQ in Fareham, were battle hardened and utterly ruthless in their training methods.
This is the type of punishment handed out to QVSG trainees if they failed CO's rounds, whose favourite nerve jangling catchphrase was "How clean is your chimney?".

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(The unfortunate wretch at the bottom about to receive "the cane of shame" is made to hold on to his chimney brush, whilst the two at the top, who were on rooftop chimney brush observation duties endure a week in the stocks)
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Cleaning ladies enter the QVSG Trainees accommodation to empty the single shit bucket and smash any wandering brown rats to death with wooden mallets.
Sleeping arrangements were rudimentary - this practice, known as "cramming" was standard procedure and if you scroll back a bit to see what the Married Quarters were like a few decades on, you'll notice that it didn't change much.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero
QVSG Class of **** pose for a final photograph with their instructor CPO Reginald Kray - and yes, he is part of a very famous lineage.

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The same class pictured here, waiting to be thrown off the top of Bishops Rock Lighthouse as part of their swimming test.
Each person was given a cannon ball from HMS VICTORY to carry with them on the swim back to Plymouth. Failure to be bring the ammunition back would result in S. 126 action against the miscreant. Failure to arrive back at all meant that N. O. K. we're liable for full payment for the immersion suit and cannon ball and instant eviction from M. Q's (if appropriate) and transportation to the nearest workhouse.

HMS_Roxburgh_2.jpg
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Picture puzzle. Loads of intelligence images found amongst that gert big heap of forgotten files.

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(Copyright STC Int Sqn).

It's 1980. The place is Kabul. It's Russian.
What's that covered up bit on the back for?
 

skyvet

GCM
Are you certain it's Kabul, and not Mummy and Daddy dropping off the hairdryer their little cherub forget to take with him to Raleigh?
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Truck mounted jet engine. Clears snow off runways in a heartbeat. Also used for decontamination and smoke screens.
(TMS-65)
Goes fast if Ivan forgets to put the handbrake on.

 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Wrong shape for an iron, definitely.

I've still got my STC issue iron:

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Just heat it up on a bonfire outside the block plunge it into a bucket of boiling water and get on with making all your kit presentable. We knew when someone was ironing on account of all the high pitched screaming and the aroma of burning meat.
Also used in games of brick volleyball on the parade ground. Last man standing was the winner.
 

Sumo

War Hero
I've still got my STC issue iron:

View attachment 42431
Just heat it up on a bonfire outside the block plunge it into a bucket of boiling water and get on with making all your kit presentable. We knew when someone was ironing on account of all the high pitched screaming and the aroma of burning meat.
Also used in games of brick volleyball on the parade ground. Last man standing was the winner.
Did you join up in London?
 

huwshpis

War Hero
I've still got my STC issue iron:

View attachment 42431
Just heat it up on a bonfire outside the block plunge it into a bucket of boiling water and get on with making all your kit presentable. We knew when someone was ironing on account of all the high pitched screaming and the aroma of burning meat.
Also used in games of brick volleyball on the parade ground. Last man standing was the winner.
Mine had “Goodwick” stamped into it. Definitely a vintage item, the brickworks there closed in the 1960’s and was replaced by a motel that had regular noisy discos.
 

Taztiff

War Hero
Truck mounted jet engine. Clears snow off runways in a heartbeat. Also used for decontamination and smoke screens.
(TMS-65)
Goes fast if Ivan forgets to put the handbrake on.

Good way of decontaming the target - blow the sh!t off and over everybody else!
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Did you join up in London?

All brick irons/volleybricks were leftovers from the original build of HMS PAINFUL.
There was a huge pile of them behind the drill shed.
Half bricks were used in our alternative game of cricket (bricket). LBW (leg broke well) was the usual way of getting an opponent off the pitch.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Hall of Fame

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Archibald "one ear" McGoogle. As a QVSG new entrant, he took the Bishops Rock to Plymouth swimming test but unfortunately got lost, went the wrong way and came ashore in Canada. Opting to remain there he joined the R. C. M. P. as a tracker.
The only mountie to never get his man.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Quick ad break. He's back. He's old. Probably incontinent. Just park your brain in neutral, buy a cinema ticket, a ten quid bucket of popcorn and revel in 90+ minutes of Technicolor violence. (Loads of people, animals and small children were harmed during the making of this movie).


(STC approved)
 
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