STC - Special Force!

BillyNoMates

War Hero
And speaking of RTU, I recall STC(Cadet) Hamish Trollop being sent back on day one.
Thick fu**er couldn't even get out of a his bunk properly.



(Shame it didn't happen to that specky four eyed single hair strand mongtard
inbred skid mark Noisy W. God! How we loved punching him in the face!)
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The STC, espionage and the fascinating world of "misinformation".

This subject will be covered in my book in a chapter entitled "Black cat this bastard"


The Cold War was officially declared as closed for business on December 3rd 1989 and it was round about that time that NATO and HMG started to get a bit twitchy about what to do with all the STC SpecOp cells that were still embedded in the Soviet Union and its satellite states.
We were the absolute kings of misinformation..... give Jack a dit to spin, add some expert STC psychological training, plant him undercover in a bar in Moscow frequented by off duty KGB spakkers, let him get rat arsed and start raving on about a new British non lethal super-bomb and just sit back and wait for the shit to hit the fan in the Kremlin.
Mikhail Gorbachev ended the Cold War in part because he was informed that the UK had developed an S. D. B. (Super Diarrhoea Bomb) - thanks to STC agents gobbing off after drinking the equivalent of their own body weight in back street vodka. Mikhail was told that the S. D. B. didn't even go "bang"....... just "thud" and that it was easily deployed and just one DOZEN biological S. D. B's would give the entire Red Army, Navy and Air Force the screaming shits for a fortnight.
Think about it.
Red Army soldiers trying to advance into West Germany whilst tsunamis of piping hot bubbling brown sludge are flying out of their arse holes. Air crew in Bear Foxtrots topping up their flying suits with jet blasts of liquid bum chocolate and submariners on Delta Class SSBN's watch in awe as their rectums turn into high pressure sewage pipes, poo gushing down their legs, topping up their steaming boots and overflowing on to the deck. They would surrender in a heartbeat and they wouldn't be waving white flags..... brown ones perhaps or maybe the odd toilet roll. We would win. No mass destruction necessary. Just roll into The Soviet Union with inoculated troops and a lot of hose pipes and water browsers because the entire country would be under about four feet of slowly cooling bum squitter.
You've had it to a lesser degree on holiday haven't you? And I bet YOU didn't want to go looking for a fight whilst shitting through the eye of a needle.
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Off topic momentarily.

HMG "misinformation" - to their own people for f*cks sake.

This is a Russian"Tsar" f*ck off nuclear bomb.
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This is what it does to a really big area of, say Plymouth when it goes kaboom!
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THIS is what HMG advised the population to do if one of these f*ckers was inbound.
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Methinks they were taking the piss.
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
One of the team involved in the S. D. B. conspiracy.

PO(STC) Ben D. Buss celebrates his part in the downfall of the former Soviet Union.

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Upon his return to the UK, he left the force and took up full time employment doing English dubbing voice overs for 80's Chinese Kung Fu movies, usually as the heroes drunken sidekick.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Got mine in the post on Saturday. That's another one I'll miss. Whoever the chairman
is, he needs to ease off a little on OpSec and all that.


Tenth Annual STC Reunion Dinner.

The 10th Annual STC Reunion
Dinner is due to be held on the
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and all Ex STC personnel are
therefore cordially invited to
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The venue for this year is called
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and can be reached by car using
SatNav - coordinates to input are
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The nearest railway station is
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On arrival, take a taxi and ask for
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Guests should be seated by
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at the very latest. Total cost is
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and should be paid in cash to
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who will be in attendance at the
Main Entrance. I would be very
greatful if some people could
actually show up for the reunion
this year. None of you fu*kers have
bothered so far.
Yours Sincerely,
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(Chairman, STC Reunion Committee)
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
The one in white is Otto "The Albino" Jizwinkel. The medical condition hirsutism was passed down to him from his grandfather via his Nazi SS dad who was a crack German sniper on the Russian Front in World War Two. He could hide in snow drifts stark bollock naked for days on end just waiting for his target and the perfect shot. His son,
Heinrich "milk bottle" Jizwinkel (Ottos father) emigrated to Americas Pacific North West after the war and it's believed that he started the legend of the Sasquatch (Bigfoot) because he liked to wander around the forests naked as the day he was born.
Otto left the USA, embarrassed by his father's nude ramblings and took up British citizenship.
That's deffo Otto in the photo. The hairiest Albino naked sniper the STC ever had.
He hasn't got a suit on.... that's him in the flesh.
It's all true.
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
"Op Glue Factory 83"

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In 1981, champion race horse Shergar ran six times. He won five of his outings but unfortunately only managed a fourth place in his very last race. After this, Shergar retired from racing and was put to stud at Ballymany Stud in County Kildare, Ireland.
In 1983 the world famous race horse was stolen and a ransom of £2,000,000 was demanded for his safe return. Everyone knows that Shergar was never seen again.
Then the STC got involved.
Contrary to popular belief he was found just one week later in a field outside Strabane, West Tyrone by specialist Horse Hunters L/Sea(STC) Dougal O'Fecknell and L/Sea(STC) Seamus Mongigan. Before Shergars position could be reported, L/Sea Mongigan put three rounds through the champion race horses head. L/Sea O'Fecknell has been quoted as saying;
"Seamus just turned the air blue with profanities saying that that bastard nag had cost him a month's wages in its final race. I couldn't stop him"
To this day, all the Security Agencies involved in the search for Shergar have been blaming each other for the mysterious disappearance of this world famous race horse.
PO(Phot) (STC) George Piles, who was with the Horse Hunters at the time provided HQSTC with photographic evidence that Seamus had been responsible for the horses termination.
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L/Sea Mongigan (the ginger bearded one)
looks on happily after blowing Shergars head off, calling him "a three legged, arthritic, loafing c*nt", whilst L/Sea O'Fecknell gapes in amazement at the equine carnage.

The horses corpse was spirited away to a factory that manufactured wallpaper paste. Bits of him could be on your living room walls right now.

Another "cover up" blown to bits.
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The Rock Ape Project.

Fact! All the apes living on the Rock of Gibraltar have received specialist STC training and are ready to lay down their lives for their country should the place be invaded by Spain. They are experts with specially adapted Browning 9mm pistols and can blind an oncoming enemy soldier with a well aimed shit fling.
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Mungo and Doris - the final pair of rock apes trained at HMS PAINFUL are escorted back to their cages before being HALO'd into Gibraltar the following night.
You paella munchers have been warned!

(If you visit Gib, DO NOT say the words "Julio Iglesias" within earshot of these special force simians..... it's their activation code, and they'll go fucking BANANAS!)
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
As far as I can remember, there have been only a couple of ex STC personnel who went into the movie business.
One of them is WO(STC) Harry Crack who is seen here in charge of the 2nd Unit, directing the action scenes and car chase sequences for the new Quentin Tarantino musical *Pablo Wonka and the Cocaine Factory *
(Music and Lyrics by Frank Bruno)

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He also pedalled the Black Dalek in the television series *Doctor Who kicks the Daleks back doors in*
 
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Sumo

War Hero
As far as I can remember, there have been only a couple of ex STC personnel who went into the movie business.
One of them is WO(STC) Harry Crack who is seen here in charge of the 2nd Unit,
directing the action scenes and car chase sequences for the new Quentin Tarantino movie *Pablo Wonka and the Cocaine Factory *


View attachment 42316
cant give a like and funny at the same time, so have a like?
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
LCK(STC) Will I. Burnett, who got through to a preliminary round of the very first series of The Great British Bake Off. His final qualifying bake was not deemed to be suitable for broadcasting before the 21:00 watershed, so he failed to make the cut.

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LCK Burnett, pictured before being thrown out of the studio with his final bake - "Italian Monster Cock Biscuits with Incinerated Garlic, Mystery Cheese Shavings and Smarties"
 

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