STC - Special Force!

BillyNoMates

War Hero
The last photograph of STC(Sniper) Norman Mong pictured on Exercise Black Maskers in North America. When the rest of his troop returned to his OP the following morning, Norman had disappeared. A Board of Enquiry came to the conclusion that STC Mong had fallen asleep during the night and had then been dragged away by giant mutant beavers and is now part of a beaver dam on one of the many rivers, streams and lakes that cover the area.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero
"Op Pissynickers" (date/time remains classified)

96 year old Florence Clagnut, who worked for the S. O. E. during WW2 was living in the Harold Shipman Memorial Rest Home in Margate when she simply went off her tits.
Using weapons she had collected during the war, she held the staff and residents hostage for nine days. Ms Clagnut made a series of demands during the seige which included the right to walk around naked during visiting hours, the abolishment of tambourine practice every Sunday afternoon, the right to defecate in her own handbag if she wanted to, a return to the quarterly change of underwear rather than the recent change to half yearly, an extra thirty minutes to suck her food especially on T-bone steak night and the re-homing of 83 year old Albert Kumshott who was addicted to Viagra and spent all his waking hours shagging the upright piano in the residents lounge. After nine days of intense negotiations with STC specialists it was decided that she should be taken out with a coordinated naval bombardment from HMS DOOM, anchored just off the Margate coastline but before we could call in the first salvo, STC Phil Yerbutes caved her forehead in with a well aimed sugared almond fired from a catapult at a distance of three hundred yards.

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Florence Clagnut moments before getting slotted by high speed confectionery.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
The STC were invited to the Ukraine to demonstrate their expertise in dealing with fare dodgers on public transport - a problem that is on the rise in the country.
Several UK bus companies have expressed an interest in contracting STC personnel to deal with the growing problem over here, as as well as a number of Mister Whippy ice cream vending franchises who say that the theft of 99 cones (with two flakes) are biting into their profit margins.

 
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Dusty70

Lantern Swinger
Sod being the geezer with the exploding stick

Good to see Elf n Safety apply in Rossia - have all the spectators got shields ????
 

Jacobus

Lantern Swinger
"Op Pissynickers" (date/time remains classified)

96 year old Florence Clagnut, who worked for the S. O. E. during WW2 was living in the Harold Shipman Memorial Rest Home in Margate when she simply went off her tits.
Using weapons she had collected during the war, she held the staff and residents hostage for nine days. Ms Clagnut made a series of demands during the seige which included the right to walk around naked during visiting hours, the abolishment of tambourine practice every Sunday afternoon, the right to defecate in her own handbag if she wanted to, a return to the quarterly change of underwear rather than the recent change to half yearly, an extra thirty minutes to suck her food especially on T-bone steak night and the re-homing of 83 year old Albert Kumshott who was addicted to Viagra and spent all his waking hours shagging the upright piano in the residents lounge. After nine days of intense negotiations with STC specialists it was decided that she should be taken out with a coordinated naval bombardment from HMS DOOM, anchored just off the Margate coastline but before we could call in the first salvo, STC Phil Yerbutes caved her forehead in with a well aimed sugared almond fired from a catapult at a distance of three hundred yards.

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Florence Clagnut moments before getting slotted by high speed confectionery.
Ffs. Chief. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Where do you get the [email protected] time ?
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Found one of my original manuals in my "go bag" in the loft (BR999).
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There will be a few Higher Ups in Whitehall panicking now...... these were supposed to have all been destroyed during the purge and disavowment operation when the STC was outlawed by HMG.
Well, fuck 'em. I'm still owed back pay.
 
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Billy how's the book going? I wish you every success, sell all them copies! Ill then invite you to join mE In a high end luxury bar for a drink were we can talk about our success's together.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
STC Legends.
(Record breakers who should have been included in The Guinness Book of Records, but could not, for operational and security reasons).

CPO(STC) Lou Nattick. The first and still the only man to have reached the North Pole single handed from Svalbard on a pogo stick.
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S/Lt Ivan Todroppalog. Dragged a pussers bus the entire length of a runway at RNAS CULDROSE, using just his foreskin and a couple of homeward bounders.
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(After completing this amazing feat of endurance, he had the stretched remnants of his penile sheath surgically removed and made into a canoe which he then paddled across the Atlantic for charity).

LSTC Jack Jissom. During sexual intercourse, Jack's ejaculation velocity was equivalent to the speed of sound thereby creating a sonic boom. This did not bode well for any of his eight wives, all now deceased and it was an unpleasant experience for anyone who shared a tent with him on exercises or ops when he fancied cracking one off.
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(A radio communications specialist - call sign "Noisy Wanker")
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Special Forces the world over don't mind posing for photos, just as long as their heads are mostly missing.

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The STC modified this idea, and incorporated it into their ID Cards. (We all got a "second" ID Card on successful completion of training - your original one was held on file in case you got RTU'd)
Here are some ID Card photographs of Charlie Troop, after completing all training back in **** that I discovered in those files left behind when HMS PAINFUL was decommissioned.

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Never forget a face but their names escape me.
 

Noisy W

Newbie
Hello Billy.
This is Noisy W.
Guess where I work now?
You have just been pinged by Room 101 so expect a visit very soon.
Oh and thanks for letting everyone know about my sex-noise problem you dick.
Must get back to work. I'm trying to figure out why there are so many adverts for Cillit Bang on North Korean television.
We think it's a code for some sort of planned invasion of the South.
I never liked you anyway.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Well hello you old twat!
Guess you're still pulling the head off it at the end of Runway 1 at Heathrow when the 747's take off.
It's the only way you'll get any you sad old comb over.
And if ANYONE rocks up at my gaff, I shall take great delight in telling the Old Bill to go and dig up the patio at the back of your last address....... there's a few ex wives with shattered pelvises under it isn't there?
Fu**ing knob end.
 

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