STC - Special Force!

Sadly but understandably, Medsec still prevents publication of the 1952 Top Secret Report of those gallant STCs struck down in their prime by the onset of the dreaded STD.
 

huwshpis

War Hero
Sadly but understandably, Medsec still prevents publication of the 1952 Top Secret Report of those gallant STCs struck down in their prime by the onset of the dreaded STD.
Not only Medsec; BT, as successor to POT and GPO, has objected to the release as well. I gather that calls to Rose Cottage by journos looking for comments have been met with the "number unobtainable" signal.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
The reason behind the MedSec "D" notice was to cover up the practice of ordering potential STC recruits to shoot themselves with live ammunition in non-fatal areas of their body in order to carry out extremely accurate first aid.
None of this pretend stuff for them.... oh no. If they preferred not to use bullets, instructors would offer them a hammer and order them to crack on.
It's a fact that no ex STC have ever successfully passed through an airport security check without the big thing that you stand in going fucking mental.
STC X-rays look like Cat scans of Terminators.
 

huwshpis

War Hero
The reason behind the MedSec "D" notice was to cover up the practice of ordering potential STC recruits to shoot themselves with live ammunition in non-fatal areas of their body in order to carry out extremely accurate first aid.
None of this pretend stuff for them.... oh no. If they preferred not to use bullets, instructors would offer them a hammer and order them to crack one.
It's a fact that no ex STC have ever successfully passed through an airport security check without the big thing that you stand in going ******* mental.
STC X-rays look like Cat scans of Terminators.
Fixed no charge.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Sabotage techniques.

Operating behind enemy lines would seem to be a good way to disrupt an aggressors ability to fight. However, these opposing forces have to get their arms from somewhere, so STC(GenOps) set up their own arms dealers, offering to equip any renegade armies and militia with weapons at knock down prices. All despots and nutcase dictators are suckers for a bargain. Why risk your men when you can flog these narcissistic bastards stuff that's been mass produced by ten year old kids to a gash standard in weaponry sweat shops in Zhiang Chi province, China?
Let them blow themselves up.

(Extract from footage of General Major Hector Enrique Salvadors failed attempt at a military coup in Guatemala, courtesy of STC).
We made a few bob out of the deal as well. Colonel Salvador didn't run fast enough either. The second line of mickey mouse mortars had just been "fired" behind him.


Op Epic Fail
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Lt Will Spanner, Commanding Officer B Sqn(STC) (South) pictured during his leaving run.
Fellow B Sqn personnel kidnapped Will, stripped him naked, covered him in marmalade and tied him to a beehive in Godalming after a massive dinner time sesh.
Lt Spanner survived the shenanigans but his body looked like someone had stuck maltesers to it for two months.
Will left the service and now develops a "survival food" line for the Iceland frozen food organisation. His leech, witchetty grub and natterjack toad thin crust pizza is one of Iceland best sellers.

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BillyNoMates

War Hero
Psychological evaluation.

Special Forces worldwide use a wide ranging collection of methods that have proved to be well established in evaluating the potential of prospective SF candidates to withstand such interrogation techniques without revealing sensitive information that would give hostile forces an advantage. STC use the same system to train candidates.
Realistic interrogation exercises submit trainees to sleep depravation, white noise, severe temperature changes, humiliation, good interogator/bad interrogator duos, threats of increased levels of torture, stress position holding and sexual abuse.
Almost 85% of STC trainees successfully complete this section of induction, but in order to retain "the best of the best" a final phase was added.
Immediately on completion of phase 1, and having been subjected to 72 hours of everything that has been listed here - individual trainees are paired off with women from our SS Division. They are then taken into the nearest city centre and made to endure 9 hours of shopping for shoes (0900-1800). After visiting each shop the SS (Shoe Shopper) will ask one simple question, "Have you had enough yet?"
Phase 2 reduces the pass rate to 60% on average, and we then know that we have the people that can just about withstand absolutely fucking anything.

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STC(CommSpec) Digby Wingnut completes Phase 2 in a Clarkes shoe shop (location classified) in 8 hours 13 minutes.
STC Wingnut never wore footwear again and always went on missions clad in a pair of heavy duty socks.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
HMS PAINFUL - STC Shore base. Location classified.

I recently took the pooch for a 60 km walk (just to keep up a basic level of fitness) and broke into what remains of that dreaded yet much loved shore base that "certain people" will have fond memories of (stand fast STC(Cadet) Charlie Smash and the unfortunate incident with the base cleaners pressure washer and two gallons of Fairy Liquid during "Hell Week").
It's an eerie place to visit.

The disguise manufacturing store.
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Training film block/cinema.
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STC Commcen.
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VM's Locker room.
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Main Galley.
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Ops Room(where I discovered a wealth of classified information that the Higher Up clumsy fuckers had forgotten about).
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The cage that once housed HMS PAINFULS four wandering security crocodiles - a very effective deterrent to intruders).
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My cabin, which hasn't changed one iota in almost 30 years.
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The Painful Club. Scene of the pressure washer incident.
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WO's Mess. I pinched the chandelier and put it up in my kitchen.
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Happy days.
 
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The CO's Landrover which he often used for personal trips with his family to his holiday home in Northern France. How he never got caught is one of the STC legends.
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The final resting place for STC(Strike Force) snatch bus. SWB Landrovers were used in this role for decades but if you want to catch suspects, informers and persons of interest off guard, simply steal their vehicles and put a bus on their route to work. Fuck me, they'll even pay to get on and then it's a quick pick axe handle to the nut and a-w-a-y we go to Interrogation Central.
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The wardroom. Growler was not happy being made to look like a floor lamp.
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Trophy Room, with Growler proudly wearing a souvenir from Op Vodka.
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The only toilet on the base which was used by up to 150 personnel. It was considered to be the cleanest place to eat your scran because the Dining Hall was an absolute shit house.
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Anyone tell me what this was? I think it was where we practiced naked ancient Greek wrestling but I seem to have somehow blocked that memory.
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BillyNoMates

War Hero
The Main Galley was randomly checked by civilian employees of what I believe is now known as the Food Standards Agency. Seeing as we were only fed on rations we could forage in the field or active combat zones, this meant that FSA reps were often in for some rather tasty surprises. Here we see Mr Paul Ponsonby-Dromgoole after he sampled a lunchtime menu consisting of moose uterus stew, badger nuggets and dung beetle kievs, followed by dessert - donkeys hoof in crab apple sauce.


 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
In memorium.

I have just heard that STC1 Raymond Vingnosh, former (STC) Interrogation Gp specialist has sadly passed away. Raymond could always be depended upon to extract information from detainees after lengthy "softening up" interviews by entering the room clad only in his favourite thong and looking....... how shall we say, "aroused" at the prospect of grilling yet another unfortunate soul. Rays crazed appearance and his catchphrase "Out of my way...... I'm going in dry!" was often all it took to get suspects singing like canaries.
Raymond died on Sunday in a Brighton hotel room when a role playing sex game involving a circus dwarf, two well known British MPs and a large bag of satsumas went tragically wrong.
So long Big Man, and it was so, so long.

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Ray Vingnosh
1955-2019
 
Would be applicants to the pre-selection stages of this illustrious branch often express anxiety about their future promotion prospects. They need not worry, as this shining example from the STC's annals illustrates:

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Admiral Sir Albie Ffawked CDM STC RN who gained fame for his undercover operations throughout the treacherous swamps in the remotest regions of the Atlas mountains. As shown here in his dress uniform Sir Albie Ff'd was proud of displaying his pre-STC service as a senior rating.

For STC Ops he set forth disguised as a Berber camel rustler and was welcomed among that region's blood-thirsty tribesman as a jovial old coot. Tall and slim our Albie was rarely seen without his tattered trademark - a locally-tailored raincoat into to which he handstitched huge secret pockets for rescuing kidnapped Princesses. This soon became known as 'Albie's Berberry' yet even today many remain ignorant of the origins of what later became a Fleet-wide uniform issue for inclement weather and similar rescue operations.




Note by Editor: Pussers Oilskins have a similar STC backstory, more of which in a separate article later.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Survival training.

We were thrown off the back of a moving lorry at midnight in the middle of Dartmoor, dressed only in y-fronts three sizes too small with nothing more than a small sharpened stick, a Mars Bar, two safety matches and a yo-yo to utilise in our annual survival recertification. The aim was simple. Get back to base in less than nine days. "Base" was constantly changing and its location was always written on a survivors buttocks in indelible ink which meant we usually had to coerce a local to read our arses and tell us where it was....you want to try THAT sometime.
A dishevelled bloke pops up from behind a dry stone wall clad in nothing but a skin tight thong that's divided his nuts at an alarming angle who's yelling,
"Excuse me sir/madam, I mean you no harm, but can you have a quick look at my ring piece and tell me what it says on my arse cheeks please?"
I would try to read my own buttocks in streams and rivers, but I can tell you now - it 'ain't that easy.
Survival techniques and tales will be covered in fascinating detail in my forthcoming book which should be ready by this time next year.

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Survival training? No, not this. This is one of the STC married quarters just outside HMS PAINFUL perimeter fence.
You should've seen the ones that the Junior Ratings got.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
RTU'd. Some STC Hall of Fails.

L/Sea Harry Redders. Failed Sniper School Phase 1 after missing all the targets with a LMG and completely annihilating the fifth Earl of Brecons private collection of endangered animal species during training on the Earls estate.

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CPO Jeremy Zoom. Did not complete first survival training course January 1980.
Chief Petty Officer Zoom was found living in a tree twenty five miles from his original drop off point by workers who were clearing an area near Exeter in preparation for the building of a new branch of IKEA in 2017.

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Naval Airman Mordecai Elias Jehoshaphat.
Disharged SNLR after refusing to acknowledge the existence of electricity and the internal combustion engine. It's believed he is now an instructor for the Amish Special Forces.

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The Beef brothers. Keith, Quentin, Roderick and Rocky Beef claimed that were transferring in from the RAF Regiment but it was discovered that they were actually a glam rock band called Golden Fudge Tunnel who performed hard rock versions of songs made famous by George Formby, Al Jolson and Gracie Fields. We don't do walts.

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