Stanly and Billy were lovers

Sitting in a public bar Billy says to Stan,
I'm going to hold my fuckin breath,
to see how long I can.
That sounds like a good idea,
says Stanly with a grin,
I'll do it when I've just breathed out,
to save me breathing in.
So there they sat in silence,
neither of them breathin,
Pair of cunts said rumrat,
its time that I was leaving.

Twas just a micro minute,
that Stan fell off his chair,
but Billy just sat staring,
you could see he didn't care.
Then suddenly he jumped up,
like his arse had just caught fire,
I need to fuck off now he cried,
My bus pass just expired,
but if I nick off straight away,
and try to not look bone,
I'll keep my thumb across the date,
and maybe I'll get home.

As he ran towards the door,
he felt a stabbing pain,
Stan had thrown a stool at him,
he was awake again,
He ran over to billy,
as he laid down there moaning,
and snatch poor Billy's bus pass,
which started louder groaning.

Do you know how many hours I work,
to get the fuckin money,
to buy myself a fuckin shed,
and its not fuckin funny,
now Stan has got my buss pass,
and that twats self employed,
he's got a fuckin pension too,
I'm fuckin well annoyed.

But Stan he did not give a shit,
he was pissed and full of jizz,
and with a free ride into town,
he could afford to do the bizz,
That fuckin wits can fuck off,
and poke his sweep stake up his arse,
Ive money for a bag off
and maybe buy a glass,
I think I'll get a sticky green,
and if I look a twat,
I'll sign the chit in another name,
Maybe as rumrat.

He's a sarky bastard,
I'll fuck im up real soon,
I'll get some cunt to beat him up,
Now who would kick a coon?
Ah yes maybe old frogman,
would give the twat a beatin,
or even fuckin flagdeck,
I'll have to arrange a meetin.
Then we'll give the twat some kicks,
A nd give the black boy real thick lips.

I'll settle scores with wits as well,
give him a big green rub,
he tells the forum often
I'm always in the pub,
But i am not a drunkard,
i don't care what they think
ah bollocks to the lot of them
i'm off to get a drink.

Meanwhile poor old Billy
was struggling to get up
Stan had left him lying there
he didn't give a fuck
but Billy he was fumin
and wanted to kill Stan
he planned to rip his bollocks off
and fry em in a pan
then feed them to his fuckin dog,
as Stanly watched in awe,
then laugh and take the piss all night
then tell him to grow more.

And so the scene was set now
the big fight was under way
would Stan stand his corner,
or fuck off and run away
Stanly's not for runnin
he told his flea bit dog
and Billy he looks stringy
like an undernourished wog.

They met at dawn on Stanly's lawn,
And like a pair of hatters ,
they stood and slung the shit around
about fuck all that matters,
Stanly thew a bun at bill
who responded with a draft
of lukewarm larger then a slice
of shit upon a raft.
You sneaky twat said Stanly,
And bringing out a tin
he threw the lot at billy
a load of herrings in.

And thus ended the battle
and we think it was a draw
neither of them standing
they couldn't take no more
So if you ever go to
a branch of RNA
and two old cunts start fighting
just get out the way
Cus if you don't you'll regret it,
the language will be rude,
and like on all occasions
where there's pensioners, there's food.
The Billy and Stan Appreciation Society

I've sent it to the top again,
I given it a bump,
So Stan and Bill will see it,
Hope they don't get the hump,
But do I really give a shit,
About a pair of trollops?
Yes I fuckin do as they,
Might tear off both me Bollocks.

Billy was a sludger,
he's no time for a skimmer,
He said there as much use
As a lifebuoy backwards swimmer
And If Stan is Psychotic,
And gets it in his head,
To hunt me down and kill me.
Because of what I said,
I'd better do a runner
Its time to FRO
Man I'm really fucked now,
Where though can I go.

I tried to go to Wreckers,
but the twat fucked of to France,
I tried to hide at Flag decks,
He just said "No chance",
I ran away to frogman's,
And begged "frog will you hide me"
His carer smiled said "he's not in"
As she parked his chair besides me,
And fuck going to sharky,
Not as though he'd care,
But the cunt lives up in Manchester,
You'd get knifed getting there.

No I'll stay and face the music ,
Cus I've just had a thought,
Stans not allowed out alone,
Cus he's the "special sort"
And billy well whatever,
Despite all that I've said,
Is busy doing overtime,
he want's another shed.
When Froggy and Sumo appear on here it makes old Rummers happy
cos he likes to dream of neopreme and fat blokes in a nappy
But most of all it's Sharky the one that I like best,
He pops up and tells us stories,.. of his days of the great gay fest,
The yarns of his adventures, and every where he's been,
With his old ships royal oppo,.. Wrecks the fairy queen.
The times he minced with Gilda,
Along the south sea shore,
And flogged his parts in the Albany,
and many places more.
He gagged on gash from the lowlife trash
he's yoffeled from the hard to the dockyard,
He'd munch the bunch of a tar for lunch
And send them away much less hard.
He's flogged his parts from the Jack of hearts,
To the ace of spades in guzz,
dropped his trolleys to a host of gollies,
and always felt the buzz,
He handed out chews to Muslims and Jews,
from Unicorn gate to the hoe,
And in the end he went round the bend,
There was no where left he could go.
How come I get a mention in that one? I ain't dun nuffink, I've got rights I 'ave innit.
Why is it the wrecker screams
That I’m forever in your dreams
Is it ‘cos I’m young and skin
Your fantasies I feature in
Is it cos I’m just a boy
You want me for a sexual toy
Is there no end to your depravity?
Your endless quest to fill my cavity
So sorry chum the wrecker smiles
You don’t do gay with nuclear piles
Fcuk me boys I'm being stalked
Into Morrisons today I walked
Met a mucker said see'n me on RR, you're Stan
Fcuk me, thought I'd been offplan
My cover blown I pissed and blusterd like a twat
On second thoughts he always was a fcuking pratt
Don't give a toss my drive is mined
Even Wreckers visits are wel timed
I have to say should rummers want to discover
All the secrets of my missus duvet covet
He's gonna have to moderate his manner
Stop his stutter and his stammer
After all he has entered into the temple of the janner
Where a wank and a blowjob even today don't cost a tanner.
I sense a touch of jealous rage we exchanging dits
Even if we get on each others tits
After all his main success seems to be civvy not the best
Jack Always loyal ,dedicated, boring civvies, I detest

Cummon Rummers stand your ground, civvy or matelot wot makes you proud
Me I'm just a drunken sad old fecker, mad sad and bad
Do me a favour tell me your'e my dad
Stanly you're well off the mark,
My poetry is for a lark,
No politics or points to score,
Just fun now,.. same as before,
If your upset or you're annoyed,
relax and don't get paranoid.
Everyone that's in a yarn,
Knows its fun and not for harm,
No intent to score a point,
To be a big fish in this joint.
You say that I have no success,
my time in pusser was a mess,
There pretty harsh words that you throw,
Tell me, how the fuck you know?
Cus I can never quite recall
that I ever said fuck all.
I never say a word on fighting
except as sport and that's exciting.
I sling shit I know its true,
but it ain't always aimed at you,
No one's ever thrown a fit ,
when I have served them loads of shit,
I would have bet a load money,
You would never spit your dummy,
seems you've grown a fucking tumour
that's blocked you're fucking sense of humour.
And as for civvy street well Stan
what would you have me say,
But if you really want to know,
I'll send my resume,
Driving coaches driving wagons,
Even worked a door,
Taxi's, paramedic as well,
And loads of real fuck all.
Worked as a stock man out in Oz
Gun repairs in Brum,
eBay trader Stan as well,
And that is fuckin fun.
Did foot patrols in Ulster,
With commandos that was fun,
Got myself another gong,
they let me have a gun,
A medic out in Moscow camp,
Bods in there were hot,
they treated me like Jesus,
In case some cunt got shot.
Still I don't do war stories,
if that is what your after,
didn't say I,ve got none,
but I'll just stick with laughter,
Here ends all you need to know,
but there's a whole lot more,
But that shit is all in the past
the futures whats in store.
The future,... now there is the fun
My hols will soon be here,
but if you miss me too much Stan
its cus you are a queer. (give us a kiss).
Your missus can sleep safely ,
her body unmolested,
I've got a younger model Stan,
And she keeps me well interested,
A nurse in black suspenders,
with stocking on as well,
What a fuckin shame for me,
my life is fuckin hell.
There you have it Stanly,
There is a whole lot more,
But you will only get the lot
When you become my whore.
But I don't bat for the other side,
Still if I get the itch,
I'll come down there and grab you,
And you can be my bitch.:D
Stan asks what makes Rumrat proud,
what makes me want to shout out loud,
So here I'll tell it all now Stan,
I'm proud to be Australian.
But here's the rub and I will tell,
I'm proud to be a Brit as well.
A foot in both camps can't be bad,
An Aussie mom, a Scottish dad,
Got the biscuits and the gravy,
Served me well whilst in the navy,
Two passports can be fuckin fun,
when you go on the bastard run.
I flitted round fast as a mozzie,
no one looking for an Ozzy,
Then one time I went in the shit ,
So pulled a switch became a Brit.
This little dit is meant to tease ya,
My adventures without visa,
one on here does know my tale,
he wont say he ain't a "wail".
One day when I think I can,
I'll tell you how my shit began,
Why I'm such a gobby type
talk loads of shit and type such tripe.
There is another side you see,
not always such a big OD
I used to be a serious chap
but fate dealt me a pile of crap
twas shit that sent wild and funny
so much crap could fill the dunny.
Don't want sympathy or sorrow,
forget the past, live for tomorrow
Have fun now whilst you still can
You may be dead tomorrow Stan.
So that's as serious as I go,
That's all you really need to know
Everyone has got a story,
All those to come and those before me,
It never pays to keep the dead
always there inside your head,
Forget the past its done and gone,
Just have respect, and then move on.
Enjoy yourself cus its been said
You're here once, and a long time dead.
Last edited:
Wish I could type in rhyme
I never seem to have the time.
I'm sure with your vocabulary,
rhyme would prove to be easy,
Just think of what you would convey, ,
pick two words that rhyme and say
the things that you would put across,
Language the slave, and you the boss.
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