Stan the sad old fcuk

Well fcuk my tall hat the missus has scarpered off to Egypt with her mate (so she says) bet she's fcuked off with that fireman !!! Has Monty gone missing again??
I've got the week to myself she's been gone three hours and I'm bored to fcuk at least if she was home I could give her a good kicking till Match of the Day comes on later, still the dog is fair game. Off fishing tomorrow how sad is that
Still I suppose I could venture into town and get pissed why didn't I think of that earlier,
Any ideas guys.
Better news this week 25% increase in my pension this year the old seadog is 55.

 

Crack open a tin, strip down to ya nicks and bimble round the house like a king. It will make sense after your 8th special brew!

 

55 Stan, what year did you join?

 

Spooky Stan, I hit 55 in March so this month should be a good 'un and thank fuck I never changed to the new pension scheme.

If you're bored, go to Launceston gun shop, get a decent air rifle (with silencer, you'll need it to stop scaring the neighbours), sit at a window and ping pigeons and cats all day as you work your way through a crate.

 

Quoting my brother now but it's a suppressor not a silencer!

 

Nasty Nigel over the road used to shoot the kiddies queueing for the icecream van from his bedroom window with an air rifle. He was a teenager then. Seeing the police at his house has become a common occurrence. the guy must be in his 30s and is still living at home, yet his parents are really nice people, although a lot softer than me, obviously

 

Either way, when there's a field full of fluffy bunnykins, when you slot number 1 bunny the others don't leg it.

 

Might I suggest donning one of the missus's best dresses, skimpy underwear and black stockings, get out your copy of Readers Wives (If you are really lucky there could be one of your essence neighbours in it) then give yourself a damned good polishing. Needless to say this activity must take place with the lights on and the curtains wide open.

 

Done that 5 minutes after she went out the door !!!

 

Me and da doggy off out with my little.22 BSA I get areal buzz out of slotting grey squirrels and he likes the taste.

 

Good man, I am proud of you.

Not as good as rabbit but those illegal immigrants don't taste too bad in a stew.

 

it is in fact called a 'moderator'

I'll get my coat.........

 

"...donning one of the missus's best dresses..."

Didn't know that you were an ex bootneck

 

Well the MODs on here do a fair amount of suppressing and silencing so fair call.

 

Stan's not.

Royals, ex and still serving, all have their own dresses don'tcha know?

 

Bitch thought you were less shallow than that

 

Wish my Missis would bugger off to Egypt with/without her mate! Been bitching non stop all weekend!