St Peter


War Hero
St. Peter is in his usual spot outside the pearly gates, when up marches a smartly dressed young man.
"Hello St. Peter" says the man. "Can I enter the Kingdom of Heaven please?"
St.Peter considers the request for a moment, and replies "Look mate, this is Heaven, right? We don't just let anyone in. You've got to convince me your worthy. Tell me, what did you do for a living back on earth?"
"Well" says the man "I was a soldier, serving in the Royal Military Police".
"F*****g brilliant" says St. Peter "we've got a few of your army lads here, and they're always getting lagered up and causing fights. Go and sort them out will ya?" and with that he opens the gates and lets the man into Heaven.
Two minutes later, another smartly dressed young man marches up to the pearly gates. Much of the same conversation ensues, exept this time the young man tells St. Peter he was a Regulator in the Royal Navy.
"That's champion" says St. Peter "'cos there's a few of your lot in here and they're always getting w******d on rum and having fights with the squaddies. I've just had a redcap through here and he's went off to sort them out. Go and give him a hand, will ya?" and the gates swing open. Off into Heaven the young man tootles.
Finally, a slovenly overweight 40 year old bloke saunters up to the pearly gates, hands in his pockets.
"Alright mate" says the bloke "can I enter the Kingdom of Heaven please, St. Peter?"
"Well" replies St. Peter " this is Heaven, not the local TA drill hall. We don't just let anyone in. Prove to me you deserve your place. Tell me what you did for a living before you crossed over".
With this, the overweight bloke puffs up his chest proudly, and announces "I was a Corporal in the Royal Air Force Police"
"That's b***dy fantastic" exclaims St. Peter excitedly "you're just the type of bloke I've been looking for"
"Really?" says the overweight RAF Copper, filling with his own self importance.
"You certainly are" says St. Peter. "Watch the gate for five minutes- I'm dying for a p***"

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