Speech Impediment

The_Caretaker

War Hero
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket please?"

The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".

"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man.

"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.

The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop.




In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked - "Can I have a cock please?"

The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?".

The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?"

The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir."

So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.




The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked "Can I have a bum please?"

The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?".

So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?".

The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!".

The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place." So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.




As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"

The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Local Government Association annual conference 2020: Minister for Regional Growth and Local Government's speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rushi Sunak, on the future relationship between the UK and Switzerland on financial services MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Environment Secretary speech at the COP26 Business Leaders Event MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM Economy Speech: 30 June 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Has coronavirus killed globalisation: speech by Laura Clarke MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Digital Secretary's closing speech to the UK Tech Cluster Group MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Fiona MacGregor speech at Digital Housing Week – 22 June 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Leader of the House of Commons speech: 8 June 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Caroline Dinenage's keynote speech for the Founders Forum - Healthtech stage MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Caroline Dinenage's keynote speech at the CogX Createch Stage MoD News 0
MoD_RSS COP26 President speech at Race to Zero campaign launch MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Tourism Minister's speech at the Extraordinary G20 Tourism Ministers' Meeting on Covid-19 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS COP26 President speech at opening of Placencia Ambition Forum MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Gavin Williamson speech on COVID-19 response MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Queen's Counsel Appointments Ceremony 2020: Lord Chancellor speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Economic secretary speech to the ABCUL MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Education Secretary speech at ASCL's Annual Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech for Airport Operators Association annual dinner MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Budget Speech 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Minister for Women and Equalities Liz Truss speech at The House magazine's Women in Westminster: The 100 event MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Housing Minister's speech to the Planning Inspectorate MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Defence Secretary Ben Wallace gives a speech to the Atlantic Council MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Secretary of State Oliver Dowden's speech at the Enders Media and Telecoms Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Times Law Awards 2020: Robert Buckland speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Nigel Huddleston Youth Sport Trust Annual Conference speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech at GCR Live: Telecoms, Media and Technology 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS IAP Keeping Safe Conference: Robert Buckland speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS HMA Daniel Pruce's Speech at the Media Freedom Reception MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Nicky Morgan's speech on the future of media and broadcasting MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM speech at COP 26 Launch: 4 February 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM speech in Greenwich: 3 February 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Minister for Digital speech at SINET Global Cybersecurity Innovation Summit MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Baroness Morgan's speech: how we can be the greatest place in the world to grow up MoD News 0
MoD_RSS HRH Prince of Wales Speech at Yad Vashem MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Holocaust Memorial Day: Foreign Secretary's speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS EST speech at launch of Financial Services Skills Task Force report MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM speech at the UK Commemorative Ceremony for Holocaust Memorial Day MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Governor Dakin's speech at TCI National Security Strategy launch: 22 January 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Minister of State speech at UN Global Compact event MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Alok Sharma's closing speech at UK-Africa Investment Summit MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM Africa Investment Summit speech: 20 January 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Foreign Secretary Introduction to Queen’s Speech Debate MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Foreign Secretary speech: UK & Canada MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Local Government Minister’s speech at the LGA’s local government finance conference 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM's speech to British troops in Tapa, Estonia: 21 December 2019 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS New pledges for the Armed Forces announced in Queen's Speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Queen's Speech: Delivering fairer, more affordable homes for buyers and renters MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Queen's Speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Queen's Speech December 2019 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Chief of the Defence Staff, General Sir Nick Carter's annual RUSI speech MoD News 0
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

New Posts

Top