Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Speech Impediment

The_Caretaker

War Hero
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket please?"

The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".

"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man.

"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.

The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop.




In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked - "Can I have a cock please?"

The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?".

The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?"

The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir."

So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.




The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked "Can I have a bum please?"

The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?".

So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?".

The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!".

The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place." So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.




As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"

The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Helen Stephenson CBE speech at the ICAEW Charity Conference 2021 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS COP26 President's keynote speech at the Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week summit MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Economic Update speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Environment Secretary speech on gene-editing consultation: Oxford Farming Conference 2021 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech on coronavirus restriction tiers, vaccines and testing MoD News 0
MoD_RSS ‘Fight For Fairness’ speech to set out government’s new approach to equality MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Housing Minister’s speech at the Insider Midlands Residential Property Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Defence Secretary's speech on defence reform MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Glenys Stacey's speech at Inside Government Apprenticeship Conference 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Housing Minister’s speech at HOMES UK conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Minister for Pensions Guy Opperman's speech on a new direction for trustee stewardship MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Oliver Dowden speech to the Law Family Commission on Civil Society MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Baroness Goldie speech at 25th Conference of States Parties to the Chemical Weapons Convention MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Security Minister speech to the Royal United Services Institute MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Spending Review 2020 speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Attorney General speech at the London Panel Induction Event MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Housing Minister’s speech at PlaceShapers annual conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Housing Minister's speech at Savills Annual Housing Seminar MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Minister for Equalities delivers International Men's Day speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS The Economic Secretary’s keynote speech to TheCityUK 2020 Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Defence Secretary's speech at the Defence Space Conference 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Dame Glenys Stacey: speech to AOC's FE Summit, 18 November 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS TheCityUK speech: Liz Truss highlights importance of digital, data and services trade MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Matt Warman's speech on digital identity at Identity Week 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Prince of Wales speech at the Bundestag, Berlin: 15 November 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech to NHS Clinical Commissioners conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS John Whittingdale's Speech at Open Data Institute Summit 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech to Airport Operators Association, November 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Baroness Dido Harding’s speech to the CBI Annual Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Natural Capital Committee Speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Chatham House speech: Liz Truss sets out vision for values-driven free trade MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Baroness Sugg speech on girls' education at UNESCO’s Global Education Meeting MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech to Great Northern Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Coronavirus debate: opening speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS “Beyond the crisis” - speech to the aviation industry MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Christopher Pincher's speech to the District Councils' Network MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Lord Chancellor's speech: Legal Wales Conference MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech to NHS Providers MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Chair’s speech to the Charity Law Association Annual Conference 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Foreign Secretary’s speech to United Nations General Assembly 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Lord Chancellor’s Speech: Opening of the Legal Year Service MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Chair's speech to the Charity Commission Annual Public Meeting 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS PM's skills speech: 29 September 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Prime Minister's speech to UN General Assembly: 26 September 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Environment Secretary speech on biodiversity: 24 September 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Matt Warman’s Keynote Speech at Connected Britain 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Robert Jenrick's speech on planning for the future MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Sport Minister's SRA annual conference speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Emma Howard Boyd, Green Summit speech MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Julia Lopez speech at techUK’s ‘Building the Smarter State’ Conference MoD News 0
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

Top