I'm a knackered silly billy. Just spent all of January battering the house to bits so that
WolfPackLeaders mother could be moved in. She's 88 years old and can no longer be
trusted to look after herself. So - I had to build another bedroom, install electrics,
change the main bedroom windows - alter the central heating system, fit a stairlift,
change all the bedroom doors to sliding ones, skim the boards, plaster up, rewire the
lighting and switches, take out the first stairlift because it was shit and get hold of
another reconditioned unit - have that fitted (**** doing that twice) - prime all the
wood surfaces, gloss all the wood surfaces, fit skirtings, fit carpets, wallpaper every
******* thing, paint ceilings and walls, ditch a vast amount of crap....the list of work
I've been getting through is endless and relentless. Today I leapt out of bed like a
dead gazelle at 07:00 and got on with more wallpapering. Stopped at 16:45 for a
shower and scran. Smacked down on the sofa at 17:15 until WolfPackLeader shouted
that it was 18:00 and time to get my arse to my other work. So, it came as no
surprise to me that having grafted my tits off yesterday (25/1/17) - I bimbled into
work on the wrong night. Don't get me wrong - family is family...but WolfPacks'
mother is a bit dense and she still cannot operate the stairlift. ******* things going
up and down up and down, stopping, starting, beeping, beeping, beeping, and just
to add cream to the cheescake, her indoors went out today, leaving me in charge
of WolfPackLeader Senior. I was busy as **** when I heard the following words
from downstairs in the living room.
"You comfortable mum? I've got to go out for a bit. You've had breakfast and
Billy's upstairs doing "stuff"......the laxatives you've just taken should start working
soon and you'll feel a whole lot better won't you?"
Laxatives? LAXATIVES?
Oh for fucks sake.
With that - off she went and by 09:00 the bell that WolfPackLeader had provided
for mother was clanging furiously.
You really, really don't want to know any further details - but she followed through
on the stairlift half way up, or down the stairs......
WolfPack and I are both dead on our feet by about 18:00 every day, she does a grand
job of looking after mum and I'm slaving my arse off. I am trying to set aside a day to
sort out the administrative side of things ( hopefully get Attendance Allowance or
whatevers legal) - so far, the only thing I have realised that we are actually enititled
to is a free tv licence.

Oh....I've just found out that WolfPackSenior is overdrawn at the bank, and their 'aint
nothing I can do about it and she's in no state to get to a bank to sort it out. Then there's
her housing trust place to sort out, the rent, the council tax, all the bills blah blah blah.
She likes the "warm" so my heating bill is now out of control. The washing machine
never ******* stops and I'm working on the house, working shifts, doing
overtime and wandering around with a thousand yard stare.

Already had a shit load of deliveries of "sit ons" for the crapper, slide sheets, walking
frames and wheel chairs as recommended by the allocated Occupational Therapist,
and I've got a loft full of boxes of incontinence pads the size of two-man canoes...
so all that's covered.

Is there anyone out there who has cared for an elderly relative in their own home
that could offer a stressed out, shagged out Billy and a threaders WolfPackLeader
a bit of guidance please? (Entitlements, Allowances etc).

Appreciate you taking the time to read all this pathetic gibbering.

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Thanks for the input. Wifey isn't keen on doing the admin side of stuff and I just
haven't had the time to do any of that. Still working on the practical side of things.
(house modification being the biggest and most tiring task). Every bit of info will
be looked into......and strangely enough it's the night-shifts that actually give me
the time to do it. How bizarre is that?
Billy my sister-in-law looks after the old crow, my dear mother-in-law, I will see what they get and from where, I know they get carers allowance, they had a down stairs loo converted to a wet room & a stair lift fitted all at some one else's expence, they were even going to build her a downstairs bed room but she decided no on that one. She has daily careers and helpers come in to help her dress and shower, most of it arranged by OT/ social worker, I'll get back to you with any departments or contact details.

Thanks for your input also. Now uber knackered. Off home shortly for a nervous breakdown and a
bowl of porridge and hopefully a few hours under a duvet.
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I feel your pain. Mrs MG's mother , while not actually living with us (thank F***!) does require daily monitoring and we have been through the Attendance Allowance route etc for both my Mother and the M-in-L!

I rang the Attendance Allowance people and spoke directly to them ... very helpful and can normally sort out any queries over the phone. There's two levels but it depends on various things I don't understand but Mrs MG's mother get the higher level and my mother gets the lower level. You also might find that you may be eligible for Carer's Allowance however that does depend on level of other benefits Mother is getting and you may find that while she has a underlying requirement, she gets too much in other allowances so you don't actually end up with any dosh. Age UK may be worth taping into ... but I did find that the AA people came up with more accurate information.

The other thing that may be worth getting is a "Lasting Power of Attorney" ... cost a few quid however once you've got it it makes dealing with the banks / vets / every man and his dog a lot easier!

As Sumo says ...if you've had the local Occupational Therapist they can often source funding for various bits and bobs ... ours organised a downstairs wet room to be built at M-in-L's as a stair lift was a non starter. Have a go at your Social Worker re getting carer's in for when you are both out at work/nights/annual leave ... does come directly out of the Attendance Allowance and you don't get a lot of change ... M-in-L has carers 3 times a day who get her up shower / feed her etc and the local council charge her £70 ish a week for that out of £82 Attendance Allowance per week .... the £70 is the maximum they charge her but if she only had one visit a day it would still be £70!

If I think of anything else I'll PM you!
I am genuinely full of admiration for both you and WPL, Billy. The advice from Ballistic, Sumo and MGM is all good, and I can't add much more about caring for a relative at home. When Mrs Wightsparker's mother had a fall about three years ago, we managed to put in place a system of visits by carers, meals-on-wheels etc for her at her flat in Leeds. Having her at home on the Isle of Wight wasn't an option ( she had other relations locally which meant she would not see them very often) and we already have our own life on the South Island.

The carer system worked (sort of) for about another year. The problem was that mother-in-law did all she could to negate the carers' work - getting up and dressing, for example, before the first carer arrived to help her do just that!

Then another fall meant that mother-in-law was told by her consultant that it was no longer safe for her to live on her own and the time had come for a care home.

That was accomplished and we found a very pleasant care home for her close to her old flat, which had to be sold as part of the plan to pay her care home fees. We visited regularly, with either us both driving up or Mrs Wightsparker travelling by rail (via London) or air (from Southampton). We aimed for, and achieved, at least one visit a month, which took out 3 or four days each time.

Sadly, the old lady developed dementia, but there were still flashes of her old feistiness. When she suffered a small stroke in October, we immediately travelled north and spent her last few days with her. Mrs Wightsparker stayed with her during the nights, and we both spent the days with her. On the last day, I collected Mrs W and took her for breakfast and to get some sleep, and returned to find her mother had died minutes before I got there. The care home reckoned this is a not unusual scenario, with residents actually choosing to slip away without their family being there. Or, possibly, because they are bloody-minded......

Mrs Wightsparker now feels guilty that her mother spent her last few years in a care home, despite the fact that she visited her regularly. There is also guilt that she was not present when the old lady died. Not really that logical, but then again, she is a woman....

The point of this ramble is that you are doing a great job for both your mother-in-law and WPL by doing all that you are undertaking. It might yet get to the point where the old lady has to go into a care home, and if it gets to that stage I would do my best to advise.
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I'm worth more dead than she is. In fact I have always been worth more dead than alive and working for a living.
Power of Attorney is on my list. Lloyds are happy to have me deposit cash in her account in order to clear the O/D, but try to do anything else and the Data Protection Act speech bollocks starts.
Unfortunately there are a few hoops to jump through for Lasting Power of Attorney but easier if MiL agrees to it. My mother refused point blank to do it and when her dementia got really bad (didn't know who I or my sister were) we had to get 2 doctors reports and then go through the courts.

If she's still got her marbles, get it done soonest.
Unfortunately there are a few hoops to jump through for Lasting Power of Attorney but easier if MiL agrees to it. My mother refused point blank to do it and when her dementia got really bad (didn't know who I or my sister were) we had to get 2 doctors reports and then go through the courts.

If she's still got her marbles, get it done soonest.
So, SO true. Get it signed NOW.
Sumo me old bucket,

Billy I remember this is one of the starting points

To request a needs assessment email [email protected] or call 01752 668000.

but if you have an OT in place that is an help, this can have an assessment as to any more changes that may be needed in you castle and would the local authorities help fund, I tried for Mrs S but got blown out due to my income
Income. That's the word that'll put the mockers on everything. I have a feeling that M-I-L's
pension will have to go into the pot - and that will be it.....apart from the free gogglebox
licence and two dozen commodes.
Going to try and sort out the Power of Attorney on Sunday when she's on the same planet
as me.
I shall push out an E-mail tonight to Plymouth dot gov and see what happens.
Billy. Might be worth simply calling Plymouth Social Services and talk to a real person. Sometimes, just sometimes, you can strike up a good relationship with someone who can see the problem and can advise accordingly.
I'm going to be busy on Monday. Balls out to get as much done as possible. And guess what?
That will be straight after a Sunday into Monday morning night-shift.

Oh joy of joys.

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