Some old some new

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Mar 26, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer


    My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

    Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

    I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

    Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

    2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutesI think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

    A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt
    Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche ...

    IT'S A BOY " I shouted "A BOY , I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY "
    And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
    they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
    Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

    Wife gets naked & asks hubby,
    'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
    Hubby looks her up & down and replies,
    'Your sense of humour!'


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