Some old some new.


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[FONT=arial black,sans-serif]My gay mate (not you, another one) who is dyslexic, cant wait for February 14th. he thinks its Vaseline day.

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing she could make a worthy contribution to the programme if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually 'Fact Hunt'!

People should lay off Lance Armstrong I think what he achieved was amazing... When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike!

After seeing the Swansea ball boy keep possession of the ball for more than 10 seconds Aston Villa have made a bid of £20 million for him.

My slow witted mate got sacked from his job at B&Q for knocking out an African woman. I think he needed more training when instructed to 'go and find a Black and Decker'!!

Just watched the Lance Armstrong interview. He lied to us so much and for so long I'm starting to doubt he landed on the moon at all.

The Government has passed a new bill in parliament. Now gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money. Its called the 'Knobseekers allowance'!

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class **** him off. I said 'son that three schools this year, maybe teaching isn't for you'!

Bradford city have announced that cup final ticket prices will start at 60 Rupees each and are limited to 40 per household.

After the horsemeat scare an old Irish Lady called Tesco's customer services and complained her Risotto has gorilla in it. The matter was quickly resolved when the assistant explained the photo on the box was Ainsley Harriot.

I called in sick today and told the manager 'the doctor says I have **** blindness. 'What is that he asked' I said I cant see my ass coming into work today.

Im starting to take this drink driving thing seriously now . Left the car in the pub car park last night & took the bus home. Quite proud of myself really I've never driven a bus before.

My mate Paddy rang me and said he's just got this bargain coat from House of Frazer. Originally it was £400 but he got it for just £25. He said it was supposed to be slightly imperfect but he's had a look all over and the only thing he can find is one sleeve slightly longer than the other two!

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