Reading about the “Sods-Opera’s†onboard HMS ships reminded me of a scene which I witnessed whilst hanging about at the South end of the Suez Canal in 1976(ish) H.S.M. Naiad. The PO’s and Senior rates organized an opera, funny as hell, but one dit sticks in my memory and still raises a laugh when I think about it.
Imagine the scene, the Jimmy is in his mess dress and announces to the assembled crew, that for our listening pleasure he would like to introduce (gives a fanny name) who is reputably one of the worlds most famous musical conductors.. At this stage a young greenie places a music sheet stand in front of the hangar door.
Entering from the starboard waste, a Chief Tif. Now you need to use your imagination here. He was wearing his mess shirt and bowtie. He was also wearing a stokers boiler suit which he had turned the bottom half (legs) inside out and was wearing the top half like a jacket. It gave the impression of the old “Claw-hammer coatâ€. His head was slicked back with probably half a pot of Brylcream and he was wearing a pair of John Lennon type specs. He was also wearing white gloves and had a baton in his hand.
Classical music (Helicopter scene from FMJ) starts up and off he goes conducting the music. The ever so slowly his arms started to get longer and longer and even more longer. What he had done was sewed another two arm lengths up into the ovvies, and his real hands were inside pushing the two false sleeves which were attached to broom handles out. I tell you for the first and only time in my life I nearly pissed myself literally.
Another memory for that trip was the Gully-Gully man. I was actually pulled into the middle of the chopper ring, and again I shit you not, don’t know how he done it but he started to pull me around for a few secs and then all of a sudden I felt movement coming from within my No 8 shirt. I undone a few buttons and fek me my shirt was full of fluffy yellow day old chicks, about a dozen if memory serves me right.
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