Social faux pas / foot in mouth dits


War Hero
Just a faux pas.

When I was a VERY baby sailor, I was a dabber. First ship, under sailing orders and I'm the Bosun's Mate.

Get sent to do all the Wardroom shakes at about 0500 for thems as needed to do stuff. All shook, except for one - I could NOT find Lt Weed. It was in the book clear as day - 0500, Weed, Lt. Up and down the cabin flat, checking all the doors - no Lt Weed, hence no shake.

It could only have been a couple of hours later when a VERY grumpy Lt , who had been dragged out of his pit by the Navvy and given a royal bollocking, came looking for me.

Turns out he WAS a Lt but had not put his name in the shakes book, but his job initials, which in those days was the Weapons Electrical Engineering Officer, or with his gash handwriting, Lt Weed!

Baby dabber 1, up his own arrse WEO 0.


This one is not an embarrassing dit but one that I am proud of. One of our lads was getting friendly with a stores Wren and despite the fact that we were shore based, she wanted him to write dirty to her. He had no experience in this department so asked my advice. I composed a letter for him. He sent it to her and she never spoke to him again!


War Hero
Visited Corfu on Courageous along with Fort class RFA. EVERYONE was hiring mopeds to zoom around on, but the fore-ends gang rocked up to our hotel car park in a rented Fiat 500.
"Why did you rent that thing instead of a mobie then?"
"Them mobies are crap, badly maintained and probably have duff brakes"
"Well y'can have a go on mine..... it's cheaper than a feckin' car"

On climbs one of them, and kicks off - whizzing around the car park. He lost control of the thing (duff brakes) and crashed it into the side of the car he'd just hired. Big dents no wing mirror left and a nice bill heading his way for the car and the moped.

We all thought it was feckin' highly amusing.


In a similar post by Brigham 600, I was talking to a mate who was moving in to a married quarter. Having met his wife, I advised him to be careful carrying her over the threshold when they moved in. "Why is that" he asked. "Because she is pregnant" I replied. He assured that she was not. I could have saved a lot of words by telling him that his wife is a big fat girl!

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