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Sober as a judge

pussercdo

Midshipman
A judge is walking home from court, pissed as a newt. Just as he walks in the door he vomits all down his front.

Wife: You're drunk!

Judge: No, I'm not! You wouldn't believe it; a tramp walked up to me in the steet and vomitted all down me. Don't worry though, I had him arrested and he's up in front of me in the morning - I'm going to throw the book at him

The 'morrow passes and the judge gets home sober for once:

Wife: Was that tramp that vomitted down your jacket up if front of you today?

Judge: Aye, and I threw the book at him. Sent him down for two weeks.

Wife: You should have given him a month 'cos he shat in your pants as well!
 

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