Slightly drunk and upset at o/h deployment

My o/h left tonight for his 9 month deployment, and Im heartbroken, it almost feels as if weve splitup, does that make sense? Im old enough to know that a lot of people go through this and in a lot worse situations but how on earth do you cope. Ive read all the good advice given out on here and it all makes sense but theres a huge gap left which makes me feel completely bereft. Im just moaning on and Im sure it will get better at the moment though its hell. I dont know if Im allowed to say anything about him and his ship so I wont say. Thanks for advice. x Samantha
I can only sympathise with what you must be feeling as I was always the other half!!

My wife had the kids to take her mind off my absenses I suppose. (Well thats what I was told).

Difficult one for us blokes to answer. Hopefully one of the wives will offer some advice.
thanks for replying, I think it would be easier if we had kids (or harder im not sure) but its just us two. This is a great site and Im reading a lot of threads and getting a great insight into the navy's way of life, I cant imagine what he feels as at least I still have everyone still around me but he's left everyone. My only solace is that I know the navy's a close knit community and so feel better about where he is and who he's serving with.
It sounds like its the first time O/H has been away and the thoughts at
the beginning of the 9 months are a bit daunting .He will be feeling the same as you are . Time goes fairly quickly though .
My wife used to keep busy with the house and kids and the letter each day
for both of you passes time .
Letters are quite important --but try to keep off the bad news 'cos he won't be able to help .Tell him bad news after you have sorted it !! Hope you have Parents or Relations living near you aswell to help you out.

You'll manage --- the first 3 months are the worst after that its a doddle.

:nemo: :nemo:


War Hero
Most of us that have served or who continue to serve can entirely empathise with your current circumstances. There is nothing that makes it any easier to cope with the grieving process that is separation, other than the ability to communicate with your partner & affirm your closeness whilst you each wait to be back together.

Often keeping yourself busy, keeping in touch, and remembering that life must go on regardless, helps both parts of a couple break out of the stasis of temporary loss.

Set yourself targets before your partner returns- don't tell them what the target is, let them find out upon their return. Whenever people are apart for long periods, they have to get to know each other all over again - don't be upset by this, simply look upon it as a positive means of strengthening your relationship.
I've sent you a PM Widow with some useful links, been there got the t-shirt when it comes to deployment so any advice I can give let me know

Take care

Hope the head doesn't hurt to much this morning


Try to do things that will keep your mind from wondering, take up a hobby or smething that you have always wanted to do.

Whilst your OH is away, he will have access to a phone onboard, however, take it into consideration that they have to book time on this phone, so he may only call you once a week at the best....................if he isn't boggerd down with work. Also, they have a ship's email, see if he has had an account set up, if so, then it maybe a good way to keep in contact.

Also keep in mind, that all emails go through the comms department prior to be distributed to the email account :thumright: there will also be a time delay, i think my last ship used to do then every 48 hours.

Keep your head up lass.
Jenny how rude are you trying to say the CIS department vet the sport pages of emails? Shocking! anyway its all now fully automated. However, the NavyStar administrator is another matter.
Things have changed since I went on deployments for 9 Months communicating with home is so much better. Some ships have better facilities than others.

It's even better now for those in Afgan or Iraq as well. I was having a conversation on Facebook chat with a friend of mine currently serving in Iraq.

At least each day his amount of time will be getting less (unless something causing an extension to deployment). You'll be fine and if you do getting worried there are people and support groups available to talk to.

Keep Smiling
Thanks so much for the replies, it really helps to hear from the mans point of view as well. 'Notmechief'..... I dont think that was the sort of advice I was looking for but thanks for making the effort to reply!!! My heads just groggy this morning so not much of a hangover. I shall take heed of everything thats been said, keeping busy and setting myself some goals while hes gone. Thanks again everyone x
My OH is going on a Deployment in Feb for 6 months.

I'm trying to find ways at the moment to try and deal with it and it's hard I'll give you that for free.

All I can suggest is that you keep yourself busy, set yourself goals, and make sure you make time everyday to sit down and write him a letter or send him an e-mail and he needs to do the same. It's important for you both to make time for each other everyday your appart.

It gets easier when they're not there. You could always ask him if you could fly out when he has his stand-off (if he does) That's what I'm doing.

If you need to talk about anything you can message me on this. I check it a few times a day so I'll always get back to you

Hope everything goes well

Speak soon

The first month is usually the hardest and many say they hit a bit of a wall half way through but otherwise they get into a form of routine which gets them through it. You just need to surround yourself with friends and family and keep yourself busy.

It doesn't necessarily get easier - you just become more used to it. If it is any consolation he will be feeling pretty much the same. At least nowadays the lines of communication tend to be a little easier than waiting on the postman.

The eighteen months Foreign Service was usually a choice of doing a Married accompanied for 2years .
The Single guys did the 18 months unaccompanied

:nemo: :nemo:
RN_Commando said:
Jenny how rude are you trying to say the CIS department vet the sport pages of emails? Shocking! anyway its all now fully automated. However, the NavyStar administrator is another matter.
Believe me, they still vet them :threaten: got a reply from a member of comms (a mate also), saying i need to be a lil more careful what i'm writing to an oppo, on the basis that the on watch lot had a good skeg before allocating this certain email in question.

That was a month ago................................ ^_^;
Jenny, they are NOT allowed to vet them my love and you should complain if you feel this is happening. Some of the outgoing emails were vetted at certain times during operations for obvious reasons, but there is no requirement during normal cruising times.

navywidow - best thing to do is try and take up some sort of social activity in the evenings and I don't mean getting glammed up and down the night clubs by the way. :) Join a club of some sorts or even visit any friends/family in the area if you can.

Trust me, it will be just as difficult for him also and at least you have far better methods to contact each other than some of us 'older' sailors once had.

I assume the ship will be flying wives/girlfriends out to a standoff period at some point. This allow you both to meet up for around a week or so in some lovely far off distant tropical port.

My wife always used to try and keep as busy as possible to help pass the time and with us having four children, that was fairly easy. :)

Don't get too down and just think of all the fun you will have when he gets back! ;-)

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