Skinny mental chicks

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny_La_Palisse, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. It all seems too good to be true at first doesn't it? You finally find a British woman that doesn't seem to run on gravy rather than blood. You trap her, take her home and find that you can bend her into all sorts of shapes without giving yourself a hernia hauling her fat wobbling mess all over the bedroom.

    The problem is, they are shite. They refuse to eat, ever and throw up after they have one piece of soreen for dinner. They get wasted after half a glass of wine and can't even uncork the fcuking bottle because they are piss week.

    Not only that, but they are all mental. The downy armed, toast rack ribbed cnuts will kill you for no reason at all if you turn your back for a second.

    My last skinny bird tried to kill me constantly, fortunately she was easily subdued due to being weaker than a biafran orphan. The final, hilarious straw though was when she broke her pathetic little arm on the bannister whilst trying to throw a pair of scissors at me for being non-commital over which pair of shoes she should wear for a dinner. She once also randomly declared that I loved my armchair more than her and tried to throw it out of my 11th floor flat window, but she couldn't lift it so just grunted and strained whilst snotting and weeping all over it.

    Has anybody else endured a skeletal psycho?
  2. I like skinny birds, there are few experiences in life that are more satisfying than hearing a skinny bird's pelvis crack as you insert your throbbing member up her ricker.

    Seriously though, my ex was skinny in a model kind of way, divs as fcuk and shagged for England but more mental than a clown unicycling through a bee farm naked.
  3. Oh yes.

    My ex was of the skinny as fcuk variety but I put it all down to the running she did aswell as working in a gym so there was no excuse for her not to work out 2-3 times per day. I trapped her and we went back to her place where after a rather boring shag she then proceeded to inform me that she had an eating disorder. Not deterred i said jokingly that i would eat her portion as i was a growing lad and that she was a cheap night out as she got pissed on half a glass of wine and ate little more than a slice of pizza. It all went badly downhill from there on with her deliberately falling asleep in her clothes so that she didnt show off the alleged lard that was hanging off her arse!!!

    I got one last goodbye shag out of her making sure that she squirted on her own sheets then kicked her into touch. I've recently become friends with her again on a well known site and she looks as rough as a bag of spanners down to her obsessive behaviour.

    i'll stick with my 6' size 12 wife thanks very much as she's a good egg!!!
  4. Ah, but nothing looks as good as skinny feels*.

    * if you like feeling ribs like a xylophone and breasts which resemble lipomae.
  5. Tits like 2 aspirins on an ironing boards with ribs whereby you hear the crepitations from her ribs as you stick it in her!!! 8)
  6. Not only do I endure them, I adore the little wrecks. Yes, they are broken mentally, but they are as near to a 'sport' relationship that anyone can get.

    The downy arm hair is a little off-putting, as is the occasional tramp breath from puking up that extra carrot from last month's meal. Come to think of it they always look like their vagina is several sizes too big for them, but in between the crying, the spontaneous weak violence and the trips to A&E (when they think they can cut the pain out) they are wonderfully fragile beings.

    The relationship never lasts, either because they recover or die, but the time you have with them is fantastic. They hate your family because they think your family is judging them, and are tired of being given extra veg at dinner. They can't give birth because they last menstruated when they were 12, but they look great in your shirts and don't mind you licking their bum.

    A rare bird indeed but worth the wait.
  7. The one thing that always makes me go back for more is the post violence fallout. You know, when they sit on the floor wearing nothing but your oversized norgy top. They look up at you with schoolgirl innocence and brush away the hair from their face with a tiny malnourished hand.

    It just makes me want to streytch their hoops time and time again.

    Or, mid fcuk when they get violent and try and bite you and claw your eyes out, I like that too.

    Fcuk it, they've bewitched me again.
  8. Usually after saying 'come on fatty, you can do better than that'.

    The crying on the floor is lovely, especially as they seek your comforting embrace even though it was your fault they cried in the first place.They also quite openly shower you with affection if there is any female in the vicinity and give out protective catty looks at anyone who dares get too close to you. I might go and find one, or find a normal girl and fck her up.
  9. My ex was one of these nutters.

    Things were great at first, then they go worse and she told me about her eating disorder. She wouldn't get undresed in front of me, hated going out for meals and going on the piss was a nightmare. She wouldn't eat at mine and accused my of making her fat. I suppose i did fill her with man fat.

    Apart from that she was a good egg so i kept it going for a whil and tried to help, big mistake. Ended up in disaster.

    Good in the sack and you could get on top and she could get you off. Although she liked that, kinky b*tch.
  10. It's beautiful when the little darlings launch themselves across the bar to stick a wine glass stalk in the neck of some other female who just happened to look in your general direction isn't it? Especially if they scream wildly as they do it.

    I'm going out tonight to find a five foot tall fat chick with a nice face who's self esteem I can completely mutilate. It will be a riotous and enjoyable journey for us all. Well, except her.
  11. Two's up?

    Edited to add: Are you still in touch with the scissor throwing weirdo you mentioned in yur first post. I like her ALOT
  12. Lot to be said for fat old bints then they don't swell and they don't tell plus they do a fcuking good breakfast even if the minge is slightly puckered and sweaty and the TB (tits on there belly)
  13. First wife was skinny, 5'- 4'' with a 19'' waist, light as a feather which meant knee tremblers were brill, just pick her up and impale her on the sword ,her with her arms round my neck bouncing up and down, lasted for ages, not mental though, had a good metabolism and troughed normal like.
  14. Deffo on the twos up, it will accelerate her downward spiral if there's two of us telling her she's fat and disgusting.

    As for the scissor thrower, she's on my spackerbook friends list so I'll groom her your way.
  15. Sterling why is she now the first wife seems to me like you had a good deal there mate
  16. Christ mate are we speaking about the same bint by any chance??? :D
  17. For all those in favour - don't wipe it in the curtain afterwards please.


    Or try -
  18. :puke: :puke:

    Kinell chief how the hell did you get that phot of the Rum Rationer that cannot be named??
  19. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    My Mrs use to be mental, she's filled out a bit now. :angry7:
  20. [​IMG]

    You should be aiming to get them to this stage, then you've won. I guarantee that this young lady is dynamite in the sack and will stab you for absolutely no reason whatsoever, and then apologise.


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