Since most of us are cnuts.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Trigger_92, Aug 10, 2010.

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  1. In light of ' most of us ' being cnuts on this site. I thought I would start off a thread to see what the most cuntish thing you lot have ever done...

    Ill start off, Mine is probably starting off this thread :lol:

    Crack on ;) ...
  2. if they cant take you being "cunts" over net how will the hack life in navy.
  3. I once threw up in the back of a taxi and blamed my unconscious girlfriend - does that count?

    How about letting her pay the £25 penalty to the taxi driver when I woke her up and explained what she had done?
  4. Friend of mine at school was being bullied by an older girl, so I put a needle in the bully's lipstick, and smoothed it back over.

    The outcome was more horrific than I could have ever hoped.
  5. Wits. Park bench. NOW! :D
  6. I would have paid to see that. . .
  7. It's easy to replicate with your missus mate. Saves knocking her out every time she's late with your brew.

  8. OUCH
  9. Ouch indeed, Jonno. Was she the type that liked to slap it on thick ? If so, I cant even begin to imagine the devistation :D
  10. A friend of mine, finding out he had been cheated on by his Mrs (now ex), decided to have a little party at her house while she was 'working' away for the weekend with two 'charming' women. Filmed the whole episode (he should direct porn!).

    Not only did he leave the un-edited DVD he created playing on her TV, he left the well used raincoats in various places......on her toothbrush, on her pillow, in her kettle and in her cutlery drawer.

    She called him a cnut, I thought it was quite a good comeback to be honest.
  11. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Who's a cunt? Me? You calling me a cunt?

    The most cuntish thing i've ever done is join this site.
  12. Thats a lie, you made it up. What a cnut.
  13. I am rather ashamed to say that I didn't make it up. :oops:
  14. When I was at secondary school, I turned up late one morning and everyone seemed a bit down and gloomy. I shouted: ''cheer up you cnuts, who fcuking died?''

    A reply from the back of the classroom replied: ''Matt and Jake did, last night in a car crash.''

    ''Oh well never mind, I never really liked either of them anyway.'' I replied.

    Another time I rigged a rope swing so that it would snap and drop into the river below, I persuaded a smaller kid to try it out and he ended up breaking a rib.

    Felt good.
  15. I have done far too many cnutish things to narrow it down.
  16. Here is the rope swing dit, I knew I'd posted it somewhere before:

    There was a kid who lived down the road from me when I was growing up, he was a year younger than me and his name was Lewis and he had long foppish hair and big teeth. I didn't like him.

    Now young Lewis took quite a shine to me and the other kids on the street, he would try to join in with our games of soldiers and even let us play on his new bike which had gears! His parents were relatively rich you see and they could afford things like that, which enhanced my hatred of him.

    Anyway Lewis really was quite annoying with the way he used to try and play with us and the constant way he used to try and be friends, he even had the audacity to invite me to his birthday party once.

    Anyway one Autumn we rigged up a rope swing across a small stream in the woods which were at the end of the road. Lewis's parents wouldn't let him go in the woods because they thought it was dangerous, so Lewis never got to experience the swing. We would constantly taunt him about how brilliant the swing was and sneak through the break in the fence to get into the woods as Lewis watched in envy.

    One day Lewis could take no more and he decided to follow us into the woods, breaking his parents strict rules. realising he was coming with us, I snuck ahead to 'prepare' the swing. I hooked the rope over a very weak branch and waited for Lewis and the other kids to arrive.

    As Lewis looked on at the magical swing, you could see the excitement starting to grow on his face, finally he would experience the swing for himself and be one of the gang. As he stepped up to the swing I gave him a few pointers, explaining that it was very important to jump out as far as possible in order to gain enough momentum in order to swing back to the bank.

    He took a flying run at the rope and grabbed onto it in mid air, as the rope tightened around the small twig I had hooked it over, the twig snapped and the rope fell about two feet, jerking violently as it reached the end of it's travel. This dislodged poor Lewis from the swing and he fell awkwardly into to freezing cold, muddy stream, breaking his rib in the process. He started to cry and he was covered in mud so I did the decent thing and went home for my tea, leaving him to swim out by himself.

    For some reason he didn't want to be in the gang after that.
  17. Whether an act is cnutish depends on your viewpoint.

    For example one evening, when on shore leave in Mombassa, I met a genteel lady of the night in the Casablanca bar. For whatever reason, she asked me to look after her purse for her. Anyway, later on I decided not to stay with her, went to the heads and then legged it without telling her.

    I walked down the Kilindini road to the jetty, when I remembered I still had her purse. So, ignoring the waiting liberty boat, I then trolled all the way back to the Casa B to return the girl’s property. Then once more back to the ship.

    Now the question is, was I a cnut or a good hand? What would you have done?
  18. Definitely a good hand. After all she was an honest working girl and one of jacks many toys
  19. Mar 26th this year I whitnessed an act of bravory at a Railway Station. A young guy jumped onto a track and plucked a two year old boy up (his mother had slipped getting off the train), just as a train was about to pass on the other tracks.
    Being the cnut I am though, I phoned the "Bloody Police" and reported the lad for going onto the track.

    I doubt if anything ever came of it though :wink:
  20. me and few of my mates hired a boat out on the thames at lechlade...her name...bumble bee...on our short journey down the thames we manged to direct her through an over hanging tree snaping off some large branches. Some of these large branches manged to land on top of a small rowing boat with two lads init that were also under the tree...i think the survived...we also lost a fellow sailor to the branches...he safely swam ashore...we then continued down river for a while when we somehow ran a shore...and became half beached..we managed to get her back in the water...after a close inspection in the lower deck we realised that water coming in the boat probably wasnt a good thing...all hands were ordered to abandon ship...we all made it safely ashore minus trainers and socks (the banks are extremly silty) the boat was left in the water...we had a hell of a long walk back to the car pack...i can only pressume that the hire company found bumble bee.

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