SICK JOKES

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by seenoffteefcuk, Apr 26, 2010.

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  1. I dont know if this has been done before but i dont really care.
    As far as the sense of humour goes Jack has a sick one.
    Sick jokes only please
    here is one i got texted over weekend
    WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ICELANDIC VOLCANO AND MADDIE MCANN?


    MADDIE ONLY RUINED ONE HOLIDAY.
     
  2. Q. What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann?
    A. The Pope died a virgin.



    Now that we know what devastation a large amount of ash can do to Europe, I am personally very grateful that Jade Goody was buried instead of cremated..
     
  3. whats black & blue & hates sex
    the 10 year old in my boot
     
  4. My 2 favourite hobbies , fishing and rape have much in common . They both start with alot of waiting around in secluded areas, followed by a sudden rush of excitment , then the old dilema ...................Do i KILL IT OR LET IT GO ?
     
  5. cant believe you steel my joke that i used on this very same site
    i am now hunting down said comment
     
  6. School boy error from a newbee fella I do apoligise . ok then how about ...........After being strangled , what organ in the female body remains warm ?...................... My Cock :lol:
     
  7. According to the UN, in South Africa a rape occurs every 15 seconds and 98% of rapes go unreported.

    It should be noted, however, that the country also has a negative side.
     
  8. What's the difference between twelve dead babies and a Porsche...?

    I don't have a Porsche in my garage.




    What's the best thing about twenty-eight year olds?

    There are twenty of them.
     
  9. Old Mr Cohen is 85 years old and after scooping the 125 million quid Euro lottery jackpot, decides to throw a big party for all of his friends and family.
    Everyone from the local Jewish community is invited and everyone has a great time. At the end of the evening, Mr Cohen is asked to make a speech. He gets up on stage and asks his family to join him.
    Mr Cohen picks up the mike and says, " I would like to thank everyone for coming tonight to help me celebrate my lottery win. I would also like to say a big thankyou to my wife, who has been at my side for so many years. I met her just before the war in Poland and we fell in love. Shortly after we got married the German invaded and we were both shipped off to Aushwitz. I cannot tell you the horrors that I saw and suffered but my wife helped me through such a terrible time. After the war ended and we were liberated, I suffered from nightmares, but my wife was always there to comfort me."
    " I would also like to thank our Rabbi, who helped me understand that even though I have suffered greatly in my life, God is still watching over me and loves me."
    " I would now like to give my biggest thanks to Adolf hitler.............."
    At this anouncement, the whole room is deathly quiet, with all the guests in visible shock.
    The Rabbi turns to Mr Cohen and asks, " My son, what could you possible have to thank that monster Adolf hitler for?"
    Mr Cohen rolls up his sleeve and points to his wrist and say, " Well, he did pick my winning numbers
     
  10. What goes round and round and bangs it's head on the door?




    A baby in the microwave.
     
  11. Whats 12" long & makes a woman moan all night?
    Sudden infant death syndrome
     
  12. Do you know 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
     
  13. Me and my missus had a blazing row earlier today, the make up sex after was awesome, well for me it was she is still unconcious.
     
  14. A Jew, a Polak and an Iraqi walk into a pub. The barman looks up at them and says "Get the fuck out"
     
  15. And????
     

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