Should they stay or should they go now

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Jack_McHammocklashing, Aug 23, 2007.

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  1. Following on from an earlier subject of Staying friends

    When a home breaks up should they make a complete break or let the arsehole visit with parental rights every week

    I do not know the answer, personally I think it should be a clean break

    Then the new family can become one, as mum and new Dad which after a while would become a family

    None of the but this is my real Dad crap Where the kids are paid for and brought up by Bob but Fred insists on his rights every friday night

    So the kid has a home life but can not do anything Friday because that is the night they stay at Dad's house

    It destroys the kids freedom with their school pals, Oh we are all getting to go to Maccy D's Friday. I can not come that is the night I have to stay at Dad's
    Yes it may have been the wife was such a bitch the guy had to get out, but leave with grace and let the children get on with their NEW family life?

    Or leave with the kids and start your new life
    If you left with the kids but the ex bitch insisted on every Friday was her night with them would you be pissed off too
    (as it is the mother that births the kids then the guy who seperates shoud piss off clean break)
  2. Clean break every time.

    What the hell can you teach/show/inform/advise `em once a week???
  3. Clean break for sure as with multiple parents and all the visiting rights the kids lack the role model and that's where the screw up of their lives begins . It isn't love that does this in many cases but sour grapes and the need to hurt the other . A lunatic , father , recently in Oz , drove the car himself and three kids into a dam . The kids were drowned and the dad said he did it to hurt his former wife , three young lives . Yes , FFS , break clean and get on with your life .

    Like your sig RR reminds of the ' boat ' HMS/M Tallyho . Instead of yoiks tally ho the saying was , ' there goes the bushy tailed bastard '
  4. Do you have experiance, you fucks dont ave a clue
  5. I really meant a clean break when the children in question were too young to know the other parent ie under four years old when they can forget and move on to live a succesful life not interferred by having to devote one precious weekend off day to visit the prat that dumped them for the sake of being unable to preserve a relationship

    Over four or really say Ten years old they will have a relationship with the parent who has left, so may be a bit different though the missing parent should still piss off and not try to wreck a further family relationship

    As for RR sig, when I used to go riding at weekends the occifer used to say
    "It is Tally Ho McHammocklashing NOT After the hairy arsed bastard"
  6. until you have lived that situtation you can have nothing of value to say about it...........
  7. It depends on how well the split parents and children get on. If the children have no problem or the mother with the father visiting, then all is fine.

    However, if the real father is a right arsehole and is no good for the kids, then I wouldn't let him see them, without being monitored.

    The step father, really doesn't have a say unless the real father is causing trouble or the health of the family is at risk. From experience, being left to make up our own mind as a child, it much more satisfying than having a parent banning us from seeing the real father and such.
  8. I have had the experience----------- first hand.

    I am seeing it again with my kids -------- the Dad's usually try to outdo the
    Wife who usually keeps the child for the majority of the time . The every other weekend and one day a week is to lessen the maintenance payments
    paid to the Wife.

    The kid enjoy the extra presents/gifts and also enjoy doing the two lives.
    However with the Wife and her new partner it becomes a right chore.

    My experience was a complete split up-----leave it all behind and start again. Clean sheet no baggage .

    :nemo: :nemo:
  9. Depends on if its the Mother who is the derranged sick twisted F*^K, (only a little bit bitter about my ex wife)

    The ex is so unfit to look after the kids that Social services have put them on the 'at risk register' ( not the 1st time either) and they live with their Grandmother.

    I cannot get custody because I don't leave the mob until next year, and my daughter has her exams next year so being with their Gran is the best option at the moment. I get to spend time with my kids over leave periods, rest of the time I phone them a couple of time's a week.

    Its taken me a long time to get my kids to trust me and come and stay after a previous incident where my ex put the knife in, each time they come to mine now they want to stay a bit longer, so its better and better for all of us now.

    So clean break..... no, I'm the stable one of the parents.

    If you think that I'm bitter, well that might be because I'm on police bail,
    when I dropped the kids off during the week, I had a call from the local nick asking if I could drop in for a chat, that turned into a 2 hour interview after being arrested for 3 counts of rape & beating on my ex.

    This is despite the fact that I have confirmed whereabouts for all three times and dates, one of the dates I was on a PJT. The police know this, and even before I was arrested, stated that they believe that the allegation is malicious.

    So, yes A clean break would be nice, but sometimes to show your love for your kids, you have to put up with a lot of pain.

    Is it worth all the pain,

    YES, when I see the smiles on their faces each time I pick them, thats the damm good times.

    Not always a simple case of walking away. I could'nt and I'm paying the price...
  10. you have my utmost respect................
  11. Mine too.
  12. As you did not quote I do not know it that reply is to the immediatley above posting

    If if was to my posting then!

    Yes I do have experience of it

    The SIL inherited £350.000 it went to William Hill in eight months along with the house, and £80.000 debt on MANY Visa cards
    He lives in the druggy community under the bandstand in the local park
    but has demanded access to his at the time six month old son

    Now when the son wants to join in with his school pals for the friday feast at maccy D's he can not because that is the night he has to have his dad's supervised visit
    Summer holidays restricted because can not leave unless the flight is Saturday because he has to have his dad's Friday night meeting
    The whole thing is not about the sons rights but the bitterness of the father

    Personally if it was myself and I was that bitter dissapointed with my marriage and walked away I would let them find a new and happy life

    That is personal exeprience
    Another personal experience is long ago I had (and still have fifty years on) a school pal, we worked together and on Friday nights we all went to see the latest bond Film or Cliff Richard film, he could not come out with us as that was the night his Mum had custody He was sort of pissed orft
    sitting having tea and cakes when he could be out with his friends

    So IMHO if the child has not got any strong bonds with the ex parent then they should be left to get on with their new family and the parent that could not hold a marriage together should get out and let them get it together to start a new happy family life

    If the wronged parent felt strongly then they should be miffed but let their child live a new happy life and butt out

    Would any of you like to have a total commitment where X day was dedicated to someone who loved you enough to quit and leave you, then make it compulsory that every X day you spent it with them

    I used to work as a field engineer on electronics, visit a Maccy D on Saturday and see all the sad bastards sat with their Saturday only kids stuffing them with coke and burgers why not just piss off and let them live a new life with the parent who has accepted them as a family

    I do admit if the child was maybe eleven and knew the parent, then it might be a different senario even if it is a pain in the arse
  13. I pay more than nearly double wot the csa would get ou of me. an i make sure it for my son
  14. As was said before it all goes down to personal experience. A clean break could work for some but not all ex husbands are assholes and sometimes it's the wife/girlfriend that takes the piss. A clean break is open for abuse by those that may attempt to with-hold access just to cause pain, i've seen people lie about an ex just so that they can have their access taken away. It's always going to be hard if the parents don't get along and start fighting through their children, it causes more pain for the child than anyone else.
  15. Here here Josie. I am adopted, slightly different I know. I grew up with my Mum and Dad who always told me I was adopted. When I was older I often wondered who my 'real' parents were. Nothing huge, just a niggling doubt about stuff like - who did I look like, which of them gave me the hay fever and excema gene (git!), was there any medical history I should know about, did I have any brothers and sisters. All the things that you all take for granted.

    I have since found my birth parents, all questions have been answered and because the subject was handled sensitively and with love from when I was a little girl there was no recriminations. Can you imagine if my Mum and Dad had said something along the lines of 'your birth mum gave you up because she didn't love you'? It would have been easy for them to have said that because that way they would be certain that if she ever came back into my life I would not be on her side so to speak. But they didn't and I am glad as I would have been scarred for life.

    Returning to the topic, I know breaking up is hard to do and if at all possible a parents feelings should be put aside, BECASE IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, it is about the little humans that you have brought into this world and who deserve nothing (R) nothing but your love and support, not acrimony and nastiness. I know that there are particular circumstances in any break up and that is why the Children Act requires that the courts take into account - at the top of any list of things they must consider when making arrangements for children - is what is the best for the child.
  16. chieftiff

    chieftiff War Hero Moderator

    At last the whole point, it's a real shame that so many "adults" shift into self pity and self pride mode when they split up, it's not about you sums it up!

    I split up from my ex-wife years ago, took the kids and moved to the other side of the country because that's where the RN sent me, not through choice. I despise their mother for lots of reasons but I have never said a bad word about her in front of the kids and have never refused any access she wished for that they wanted, I even pay the full cost of getting them to their mother and back because I've never been prepared to argue over it. I do it for them, not for her. My pride goes as far as not accepting a single penny from her toward the cost of putting my kids through boarding school and having them live with me. They are older now, and I know they respect me for what I have done, they have learnt what their mother is like first hand, not a biased view form me. My son has left home to forge his own way in the world but we are best mates, my adult daughter lives with me and her step mum, she refuses to leave home (bugger!)

    It's not about You!
  17. From a different angle all together -Ive been married twice and am working on the third. First whilst I was away the lady fell for a smooth guy she only saw in social mode - when I called it a day - he shot through on her - I made the split and visited my son whenever I could and I could see him virtually when ever I wanted -It was quite hurting to go to the house that I had bought and collect him for a day out , and since all I had left after paying for alimony and living ashore I had 14 quid a month left even in 77 that wasn't much - and I admit he did -suffer is the wrong word - became a wild child - and I hold myself responsible for that. Eventually got myself on my feet again and took up with a lady who had three kids from a previous - Her old man by all accounts was an aerosol his kids know him - pre CSA he only payed the minimum he had to (and seemingly he hasn't changed although they do give him his place)
    - so brought them up as my own and had another couple of boys - then on a holiday she got a little bit pissed - not stowed - and calmly announced that the only reason she wanted me was to have the kids so she could keep her council house for nowt didn't need to get married. If it had not been me it would have been someone else - felt well chuffed as you can imagine - still this time I stayed around until the family grew up - when the youngest boy became 13 I started to work expat cos I could not stay in the same house as her any more. and yes I do miss the kids -
  18. My parents split up when i was four. I saw my dad everyweekend. The fact i was going to see my dad didnt ruin my life. I never accepted my step dad. Possably because of my dad but more than likely because he was an arsehole.
    Im 22 now and get on really weel with my dad. go visit every time im on leave even if its only for like an hour. to be honest hes just like having a 45 year old mate.
    So from my experience i think kids should always be able to see there parents. At least until there old enough to decide wether they want to or not.
  19. there speaks a sensible young man, good on ya Danny

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