Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!



War Hero
Fred's wife was in the habit of sleeping on her back, knees drawn up and legs wide open.
He kept telling her "If you carry on sleeping like that your guts are going to fall out."
"Oh, don't talk such rubbish." she would reply.
Friday night down the pub Fred buys a rabbit off a poacher and on the way home hatched a cunning plan...
He guts the rabbit and sneaks upstairs and there she is, fast asleep, on her back with her legs drawn up and wide open as usual.
Fred lays the rabbit's innards between her legs, gets quietly into bed beside her and goes to sleep.
Middle of the night she shakes him awake really upset "Fred you were right," she sobs, "My guts did fall out, but with the grace of God and two knitting needles I've got them back in again!"


War Hero
Scientists working for NASA have stated that it is possible to live safely and happily on Mars.
Well, I've been eating ten a day and nowt else for the past six months and I now weigh 31 stone and have been diagnosed with type two diabetes, so them scientists are spouting complete bollocks. I'm fuckin' doomed.


Lantern Swinger
I went to the library and asked for a book on spinsters

‘It’s been left on the shelf’ said the librarian

I thought yeap, that’s the one
Last edited:


War Hero
Thor the Viking god goes to a party, gets pissed and traps a beautiful blonde 16 year old virgin.
After hours of wild passion they fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.
Next morning Thor wakes up and thinks "She was great but I don't even know her name."
He smiles at her and says, "I'm Thor."
The girl who has a slight lisp replies, "I'm tho thore I can't pith!"


War Hero
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike, The bike breaks down so they start hitching a lift. A friendly truck driver stops to see if he can help so the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will have a look at the bike for them, He tried everything he knew but finally said that he was unable to repair it.
Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave, The scousers say to the driver "if we can manage to fit the bike in the back will he give them a lift" to which the driver agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and the bike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and sets off on his way.
By this time he is really late so puts his foot down, but sure enough PC Plod pulls him up for speeding, The officer asks what he is carrying to which the driver replies "Scouse Eggs". Plod obviously doesn't believe this so demands to take a look, He opens the back door then quickly closed it again and locked it.
He then gets onto his radio and calls for immediate back up from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.
His reply was "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse Eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already


War Hero
Bloke goes to a fancy dress party with his face plastered with red poster paint and his mouth full of custard.
He knocks the door and the hostess answers.
"What have you come as?"
Bloke squeezes his cheeks and custard shoots all over her dress.
"I've come as a boil!"


War Hero
Young girl gets a job in a sales office and the smoothie rep asks her to have a drink after work.
They go to a nice country pub and he plies her with strong drink. They end up in the back of the company car going at it like rabbits. After the performance he's pulling his trousers up and says, "If I had known you were a virgin I wouldn't have done that. She replies, "If I had known you were going to do that I'd have took me bloody tights off!"
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Short statement from Simon French, Chief Inspector of Rail Accidents MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Supporting LDCs through short and long-term pandemic recovery MoD News 0
G Why is Length of Service so short? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 23
MoD_RSS Governor Dakin's radio address: additional short-term lockdown measures over Easter holiday MoD News 0
soleil PlymouthLive: "Royal Navy Too Short Of Ships To Police Fisheries After Brexit, Lords Told" The Fleet 4
soleil FB: HMS Raleigh Page: "A Short Video Of The Cornwell27s At Pier Cellars This Week" Bases / Shore Est 0
MoD_RSS News story: European Commission consultation on short-term export credit rules MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Regulator launches short consultation on its Accounting Direction MoD News 0
soleil BBC Radio 4: "The Briefing Room - Why Are The British Armed Forces Short Of Personnel?" Current Affairs 0
E R.N. 4000 short The Quarterdeck 19
A RN Still short of Engineers? Ahem! The Quarterdeck 45
S Selling ourselves short The Fleet 3
T Short Waiting Times Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 5
RAF_Groundcrew Request for assistance: Short Questionnaire for degree research. The Quarterdeck 14
P Can RNR access the Forces University Short Courses system? Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 7
A Short Term Allocation list Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 20
P Short notice BRNC question regarding dress regs Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 14
dsgrnmcm SAFEGUARD are their any SUY(XSM) or XSM? Available for info at the short trail? Submariners 20
G search term too short Site Issues 8
Subsunk Lockerbie Bomber on short finals Current Affairs 10
trelawney126 Harry Potter Goblin gets "Short Sentance" Diamond Lil's 2
G *Urgent* Medical Purser required for short term contract... The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
S A Short 'Cruise' Diamond Lil's 7
Good CO Short term broken forum links - known issue Site Issues 0
trelawney126 House to Let (Short or Long Lease) Diamond Lil's 0
soleil Mail: "Soldiers Went Short Of Kit As MoD Wasted £½m On Art" Current Affairs 17
BreathingOutOnTheWayUp Dependents Short-changed. Current Affairs 15
soleil Register: "Supersonic stealth jumpjet makes 'short landing'" The Fleet Air Arm 10
soleil T'grph: RAF Head warns against short-term spending decisions Current Affairs 0
P RN Pscyhometric Examination - 2 points short to be a Writer Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 17
witsend The short U-tube vids thread Diamond Lil's 2
Joint_Force_Harrier School bans short Skirts Diamond Lil's 96
diver_dan mobiliztion short falls Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 23
pompeyexpat Short sighted pirates Current Affairs 8
higthepig To-nights short flight deck movie, Mutiny on the Bunny. Diamond Lil's 1
BillyNoMates Mutinies-a short history. History 0
T Forces short on morale... Current Affairs 7
BillyNoMates BBC4 Short Interactive Documentary Submariners 10
chockhead819 ARK ROYAL - Short notice The Fleet 3
D Making a short film Social & Reunions 8
H Funny short movie The Quarterdeck 1
higthepig 4 short of............ Diamond Lil's 27
GSSR_Vvd Short notice list???? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 2
D Hey people just a short question Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 7
Good_CO More Site Work - Short maintenance at 1855 Tuesday Site Issues 1
FlagWagger Official Short-sightedness - a philosophical question Current Affairs 6
Stirlin Sweet Country Films, Music, TV & All Things Artsy 3
sgtpepperband "A Letter From Fred - 'Oh Sweet Lorraine'" Nearest & Dearest 5
trelawney126 Revenge is Sooo Sweet Diamond Lil's 17
soleil Mail: "Sweet (HMS) Caroline! Iconic Warship Set For £1m Renovation" History 0
Similar threads