Short'n'Sweet

Sumo

War Hero
A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a
door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer
negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her
the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they
as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they
nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as
fuzzy as this?"
He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood
got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now (hopefully) I think
I'm gonna get fucked out of my peaches.
 

Sumo

War Hero
A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."
"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think its your legs".
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs?
Little Johnny said,"Well I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom the other night..
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, "OH GOD, I'M COMING!".
If dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her!"
THE NUN FAINTED!
 
The resident bootie onboard waltzes in to the canteen flat and up to the counter- looks long and hard at the canteen damager and says - for no apparent reason
”Could you kill a man mr Damager “
The canteen damager looks the bootie up and down - licks his lips and says
“Mmmmmm ......... Eventually “
 

Stirlin

War Hero
The resident bootie onboard waltzes in to the canteen flat and up to the counter- looks long and hard at the canteen damager and says - for no apparent reason
”Could you kill a man mr Damager “
The canteen damager looks the bootie up and down - licks his lips and says
“Mmmmmm ......... Eventually “
PX in Alongapo , muscle bound yank taking on all comers at arm wrestling , beating everybody easily including some of our bullet humpers......when no one else wanted to challenge him he stood up with arms aloft posing like Arnie '' I can beat any man here ''.....from one of our tables '' Yes but could you take a man '' , he sat/shat down and was not heard from the rest of the night.
 
Ah ... Olangapo - what a run ashore - the only place I daren’t tell me mam about - she just wouldn’t have Understood at all ☺️ The only place I know where the guys on the door of pretty much every bar on the main drag had a shotgun or sometimes even a sub machine gun - strangely that never happened in downtown Sheffield - at least not in the sixties - a bunch of JS/OD’s sat in a bar with a girl on each lap - one of the girls gets up off my oppo‘s lap and disappears - comes back two minutes later as the floor show with a fag between her lips - and a big smile on her face
 

Stirlin

War Hero
Ah ... Olangapo - what a run ashore - the only place I daren’t tell me mam about - she just wouldn’t have Understood at all ☺ The only place I know where the guys on the door of pretty much every bar on the main drag had a shotgun or sometimes even a sub machine gun - strangely that never happened in downtown Sheffield - at least not in the sixties - a bunch of JS/OD’s sat in a bar with a girl on each lap - one of the girls gets up off my oppo‘s lap and disappears - comes back two minutes later as the floor show with a fag between her lips - and a big smile on her face
did you go to Subic City ? , an Oriental version of Deliverance.
 
did you go to Subic City ? , an Oriental version of Deliverance.
We might be talking about the same place - The yank base was called Subic Bay and the place just outside with the main drag for bars and big eats was Olangapo City as far as I can remember - there was a bridge over a creek you walked across to get to city - but whether you had to grab a taxi once across I can’t remember -
 
Just checked google maps - should have thought of that first - I can see Subic City and Olangapo City are two different places - Subic City looks like it’s the commercial port and Olangapo the military dockyard - I can say in all honesty that I never had the pleasure of a run ashore in Subic City - which by the sounds of it is just as well - Olangapo was more than enough excitement
 
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