War Hero
Super Moderator
I won’t make the same mistake this year. Last year I got Grandad a prostitute and a duvet for Xmas. He called me a deaf git cos he wanted a tartan quilt.
Which reminds me of the Jock joke:

Two chaps meet in the bar and during the conversation, one asks the other if he has been invited to the wedding Oop North.

"What, the Scottish one?"

"Aye. They will expect us to wear kilts".

"What's the tartan?"

"White probably - she's going traditional".


War Hero
Woodwork teacher: what are you making?
Pupil: it’s a portable, sir
Teacher: a portable what?
Pupil: I don’t know, I’ve only made the handles


War Hero
Leggy blonde running down the street in stilettos , bloke on other side of street playfully shouts '' Don't run love , you will heat your water''

''No worries as you'll not be scalding your cock in it''


War Hero
Super Moderator
Slow day today Sumo? Posting like a belt-fed Wombat.

Step away from t'internet and go have a nice cup of tea.

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