Which reminds me of the Jock joke:I won’t make the same mistake this year. Last year I got Grandad a prostitute and a duvet for Xmas. He called me a deaf git cos he wanted a tartan quilt.
Two chaps meet in the bar and during the conversation, one asks the other if he has been invited to the wedding Oop North.
"What, the Scottish one?"
"Aye. They will expect us to wear kilts".
"What's the tartan?"
"White probably - she's going traditional".