Short'n'Sweet

Sumo

War Hero
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.
 

Topstop

War Hero
made me giggle !
Jesus, a Submariner and a Skimmer were walking through a forest when they came to a river.
“Follow me” said Jesus, and walked across the water. The Submariner followed and walked across the water. However when the Skimmer followed he went in up to his chest.” How can this be” he said in despair.
Jesus turned to the Submariner and laughed “Shall we tell him about the submerged rocks”
To which the Submariner replied “What rocks?”
 

Dusty70

War Hero
Stoker dies and goes to heaven - St Peter said you just scraped in - enter

Stoker says I'm not going in if there are any Jack Dusties in there - hate the Barstewards

St Peter says no there's none of those thieving gits up here

Stoker goes in and immediately has to sign for his wings and shroud by a guy behind a bench

Stoker storms back to St Peter and says - there's a bloody Jack Dusty in here

St Peter says no no that's God, he just thinks he's a Jack Dusty.....................................................
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
Woman puts her coat on and says to her husband,
"I'm off to the hairdressers, which cut do you think will make me more attractive?"
Husband replies, " A fecking power cut!"
 

Sumo

War Hero
I won’t make the same mistake this year. Last year I got Grandad a prostitute and a duvet for Xmas. He called me a deaf git cos he wanted a tartan quilt.
 

Sumo

War Hero
The North Yorkshire Police report finding a man's body in the River Swale, near Richmond.
The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a 'I Love Man U T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.
The police removed the Manchester United T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
In spite of what we sometimes think, the police do care
 

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