A penguin walks into a bar, and ask the barman "has my brother been in"?
The barman replied "I don't know ...... what does he look like"?

That is all ............ :)


War Hero
A burglar broke into Everton F.C's trophy room last night and stole all the contents.
Police are looking for a man carrying a blue and white carpet....


Hey that is NOT FAIR! what about the fact the blues er ....well 2000 and something came really close !and if it wasn't for .....anyhow COYB!!

Monaco 0 1 Everton This must count for something!!



War Hero
Courtesy of the Daily wail

Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol? Geri can.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
What do you call it when a hen looks at a lettuce? A chicken caesar salad.
Did you hear about the man who was sacked from the calendar factory? He took a couple of days off.
What do you call a Mexican whose vehicle has been stolen? Carlos.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Dad: It said on the news that an actress has stabbed someone. Think her name was Reese.
Mum: Witherspoon?
Dad: No, with a knife.
I met some obsessive chess players in a hotel reception, going on about how good they were. They were chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
A dad is washing his car with his son. The son says: ‘Dad, can’t you use a sponge?’
I accidentally handed my wife the superglue instead of her lipstick. She still isn’t talking to me.
RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
My dog can do magic tricks. He’s a Labracadabrador.
Two cats swam the English Channel. They were called One Two Three and Un Deux Trois. Which cat won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.