Short'n'Sweet

I have it as well - blame Naval gunfire........
But the no-claim merchants told me it was age related and couldn't get compo:( (I didn't apply to them but it was a free Union thing (not in Union either but some 'perks' you get for working with unionites))
Never mind, its mostly on the side my wife sits when we watching telly - selective deafness!!
problem with claiming is it has to be done as you leave or they can say it happened later, apparently it used to be within 7 years of leaving but probably different now.
They used to pay out for anything below the norm, but changed to line up with Civy compensation rules?
 
IF YOU MARRY A PLYMOUTH GIRL.........
Three men got married. The first man married a woman from Brighton. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from London. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Plymouth. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawns mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swellings had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.
 
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dancefloor giving it large, break dancing , moon walking , back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says, Looks like he's still f#####g celebrating
 
A matelot walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just got this RN issue state-of the-art watch, and I was testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "an RN Issue state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
The matelot explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady asks, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well, it must be broken, because I am!"


The matelot taps his watch, smiles and says, "Bloody things an hour fast'"
 

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