Ships Magazines

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by stan_the_man, Oct 1, 2008.

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  1. Do ships still publish Ships Magazines when they are deployed ??? they were great at taking the piss out of anyone and everyone you never knew if you been snitched on when you'd made a cock up or said something really fcuking stupid until the magazine was published the piss take was ruthless especially were officers were concerned.
    Best ones I read
    "Turkey Times" BRISTOL 1982
    " Jiz" YORK 1990 - 92
    Anyone got any copies???
  2. We never had any ship rag mags on the ships I was deployed on between 96 and 2003. I remember my older brother brought one home off the Active back in 89/90
  3. The SSBN crews used to publish one each week during the patrols.
    Quite good with cartoons and ditties .

    The usual white rat stories like ''heard in the control room/Manoevring/etc.''quite funny -- the editor was deemed untouchable so all of us inc skipper was regarded as a news item .

    Used to have a prize in the end of patrol last edition for the guy who 's name got the most mentions.

    Happy days

    :nemo: :nemo:
  4. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    Have a few end of commission magazines. Very good at helping the memory. On the Bermuda from March to October 1954 we produced a monthly magazine called 'Venture'. I still have all 8 issues and I enjoy reading them still. It was a time consuming task producing them but was well worth the effort.
  5. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

  6. Did a mag on RESO (P) 1967-68, another on CONX 71-72 - was asked to hold publication until we'd photographed CSST staff with the front page "Beware these people, for surely fire, flood and disaster follow in their footsteps". which upset them somewhat, because everywhere they went to do their dirty deeds, they had a follower - the one who tried to put a smoke bomb near the battery exhaust got a fire exinguisher before he pulled the fuse.
    VALIANT's mag 1974-5 was a total pisstake- oddly enough, never kept a copy of any of them alss !!
  7. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Yes Stan, you only left the Mob this last decade Lofty!

    Helluva deployment Lofty MkII, two conclusions:

    1. No one could be bothered to write them

    2. No one could be bothered to read them.

    The latter is suspected.

  8. I was involved with one the Araidne. We used to have the usual scantily clad woman on the front page with the tiltle above, A TART. After the first few issues the Captain came to my workplace and asked if we could rename it as something more appropiate to the ship. I replied it was, its the Ariadne Tv And Radio Times... mumbling smiling Captain exits workshop. :thumright:
  9. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Had the usual SCC dit books on some ships, no magazines though. We did have a radio show on the Boxer, run by the PO's mess in the early 90's, that was brilliant. It got stopped by the skipper though after a p****d up PO phot (Fez Parker) called the SO a brown hatter on air.

  10. That time of the Month NS? lol They were helluva deployments especially NTG2k

    I suspect it was more the first no one could be bothered to write them. But saying that we did have a deployment book produced afterwards on the Newcastle. Hard back with pictures and everything lol
  11. Hey Ninja I deployed on ARK in 2002 and 2003 and we didn't have one, maybe because we were at war!!! and I havn't heard anyone talk about a ships Mag for years. The Turkey Times was the finest pisstake I ever read even the skipper wanted his own personal copy especially when he was featured.
    Wonder if MONTROSE had one during her 7 month deployment??
  12. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    We had NTV on Newcastle (Newcastle Television - years before Noel Edmunds) and a programme came out every fortnight or so, and briefly the Toon Army Tribune, a hand sketched comic. We also had SODS Opreas, and two excellent all-star karaoke nights on the flightdeck. One such starred the 'Chippinhammers' dance troupe.

    Example from NTV -

    Dizzy - The OSMEM

    Seem to remember 'Fife Life' on the Fife, with cartoons by the renowned sketchist Bogie Knight.

  13. Myself and a killick dabber (big Bill) did a radio show called 'the windy rhubarb' - total unexpurgated filth! It ran during a windies deployment and putting it together and presenting it was a laugh from start to finish. Bill had exported it in from a ship he had been on previously and I joined in as co-presenter. No one was off limits and the old man took great pleasure in letting the whole ships company know that this was the case! Shagging dits aplenty, people caught having a sly tug in bizarrre places etc etc used to set up shop in the SRE compartment with a cold crate on the transmission night, get pissed and let rip. We made a video of the XMAS special including tours of the messdecks, ashore recordings in Barbados(down the beach, in the boozers and in the knocking shops!) but unfortunately Bills Mrs recorded Corrie over it a few years later........cue a few relieved dirty barstewards no doubt! I certainly was!
  14. On the 'Rothesay'in the 60's we had the 'Rothesay Revelation' which had the ship planned out like a village. The Squire was the Skipper,Vicarage was XO's cabin,The YMCA the forward POs mess, Happys cafe the galley The constable-the coxswain, & so it went on. I seem to remember it was all the idea of the Jimmy who I recently saw featured in the letters page of the Daily Mail, any Submariner who read it may have recognised him.
  15. "Vic News" was produced every day when at sea on Victorious. (63-64) Cartoons by "Darkie" and "Jan"and "Dido". News and sport gleaned from the ether by the RO's.

    Semper Strenuissima
  16. Further to my last ref the radio show.........Just before I got my rate and went on draft a gobby clubswinger (hard to believe I know) joined who assumed that running the radio show was his part of ship. As he had the personality of an ironing board and was a funny as cancer we naturally told him to go and f**k himself. Imagine my surprise a year or so later to pick up the Navy News and see this idiot in an article on the ships 'new' fab radio show. a bit of detective work found out that all the ideas were retreads of our show without the humour all done in an off the shelf titswingers voice as if he was conducting remedial fitness - twat

    'Furious' from Helensburgh
  17. Do I rest my case here?? no recent ones fcuk me they were funny tho lol sbm the 2Turkey Times was produced by the clubswinger in 82 probably because he had fcuk all else to do, he was a big motherfcuker and if he said laugh I would have said how long and how hard!! Turkey Ew**s was his name and you definately did not fcuk with him and his boys
  18. Stan, think t'internet at sea, live telly etc has done for ships mags to some degree and the PC element has given it a good boot in the nads, the radio show I have harped on about would have had us on the sex offenders register in todays RN, and it wasn't that long ago..... we were told to tone
    it down and not mention anything offensive when a US navy bird joined for a few days, needless to say totally ignored the advice/direct orders and proceeded to talk about tits and minges for the whole show aah those un-PC days of yore.

    We did have a ships mag on the LONDON in '87, I remember that before any run ashore one of the ME senior rates would be quoted as 'Billy (may be wrong name) says 'If you dont trap in (insert name) you are gay'!!
  19. SBM yeh what a shame girls at sea and all that what a fecking shame its just me wallowing in nostalgia,
  20. On the Broadsword in '87 a weekly news paper for the local village was produced (or at least a weekly flyer). I recall that the XO was the mayor etc ...

    On the London 90 (?) whilst up north outside Murmansk ;-) a couple of stokers ran "bopping in the forward heads" radio show on a Sunday evening around evening scran time. I did a "Greenie Top Ten" chart show trying to find a funny occurrence and an appropriate song. Fortunately one of the chefs had a very extensive music library.

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