Sh1t the bed!!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Alfacharlie, Nov 12, 2009.

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  1. I tell you what, looking at the newbies forum and for what I can see, the RN is defo on the up! I mean, with all the highly qualified experts we have waiting short finals to join Raleigh is spot on. From what I can gather, we have medical/surgical experts, physical supermen, the next special forces team who are just using the rn as a stepping stone, politicians, and the list the goes on.

    Looks to me like were gonna rule the waves once again...
  2. [quoteLooks to me like were gonna rule the waves once again...[/quote]

    Have we got enough ships?
  3. Have we got enough ships?[/quote]

    Probably not, but ask a few of these thrusters and they'll point us in the right direction, fcuk it, they'll prob build the cnuts.
  4. Why do you think we have Great in the front of Britain
  5. Have we got enough ships?[/quote]
    Ships? Typical bloody navy. Never satisfied. Now they want ships. have you seen the cost of metal lately?
  6. Skips? Typical bloody navy. Never satisfied. Now they want skips. have you seen the cost of metal lately?[/quote]

    Skips are all we can afford, with an Evinrude slung over the arse end.
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I shat the bed once and blamed it on the misses.
  8. Skips are all we can afford, with an Evinrude slung over the arse end.[/quote]

    Evinrude? Fcukin evinrude, spoilt b*stards, we made do with Whores, or was it oars> fcuk its been a long time. 8O :D :wink:
  9. W**** B***** the bulkhead frog, after a mega sesh with his Mrs went to bed and failed :sex: fell asleep :sleepy1: on the wrong side. when he awoke he found he had followed through, had a shower. When he got back his Mrs was still asleep :sleepy2: , rolled his Mrs back on to her side got back in his side then shook her "Wake up you dirty cow , look what youve done!!!! :twisted: "

    Divorce followed shortly after
  10. grand slammed on a bird once not suprisingly she thinned out immediately after waking up(and showering) i only found out when i woke up and after a bit of dhobying read the note on mantlepiece calling me all the dirty fcukers under the sun.
    hmmmm the memories
  11. I have never shat the bed ever. I have shat in the following interesting places though:

    My car,
    The Reg office on both HMS Exeter and HMS Newcastle,
    The Dias at HMS Collingwood,
    Various parts of Sennybridge training area,
    G** A****'s sink, in his cabin at Collingwood.

    If I remember anymore I will let you know.
  12. As well as shitting my bed in the Falklands. I too have shat my car. AlfaCharlie has also shat my car and so has another member of RR's dog.

    I have also shat at the base of the A-frame at Warcop.
  13. I've had several cars that have been utter sh1te, does that count?
  14. Why yes, I believe it does.
  16. One of my lads on ARK shat in the Chapel in DRYAD during training intelligent lttle fucker then wrote his name in shite on the altar wall. 28 days in DQs soon followed, I dipped in cos I had to escort the dirty little fecker back from Barcelona - after the run ashore of course.
  17. We had a LOM(AWT) on Exeter who would often curl down turds in random compartments, one night whilst Harry von turbo shiters, he decided it would be fun to lay a cable in someone's bats. He selected a random pair from the boot rack and crimped off a sizeable length. The next morning he awoke, not remembering much from the night before and got ready to turn to. On putting on his bats the full horror of what he had done the previous night quickly dawned upon him.

    Unfortunately for him he had selected his own bats from the rack and the only benificiary of his little gift was himself.
  18. LREG was killick of the Bootnecks Barracks on BRISTOL in 82 they fecking hated him (as did everyone else of course) on off them went in his dobbie bag got his toothpaste tube uncrimped the bottom and shat in it - our darling LREG always used to squeeze the toothpaste onto his tongue rather than the brush prior to brushing his alsatian teeth.
  19. A second or possibly third hand dit, but a good one none the less:

    Some booties were in Norway with some attached FAA lads in a Lynx. One day they all went for a nice big walk in the snow somewhere and the FAA lads decided to tag along for the hell of it. About half way through the walk the booty Sgt thought his bergen was a bit heavier than usual so he took it off and investigated. On looking inside he found a large chunk of ice had been deposited in said bergen. As he looked around for the culprit, he noticed the pilot laughing uncontrollably, it was he who had put the ice in the bergen. The Sgt vowed to get his revenge.

    A few nights later the Sgt got hold of the pilot's helmet which had been stowed on the seat of the Lynx. He removed all the padding from inside the helmet and carefully shat into it. He replaced the padding, making sure the poo was nicely compacted in and couldn't be noticed and placed it back on the pilot's seat.

    The following morning the pilot and flobs got up for a nice long flight. They climbed into the cab and put on their helmets which were slightly frozen from spending the night out in the cold. They performed all their checks and took off. A few minutes into the flight and as the Lynx's heater started to kick in, the pilot noticed some liquid running down his face, thinking it was sweat or possibly a melting bit of ice he instinctively licked the liquid away as it dribbled past his cheek.

    Obviously he was unable to take his helmet off in flight so he had to continue the sortie with liquid shite dribbling down his face.
  20. In about late 78 I spent sometime as the 5th watch Fleet Chiefs gofer at Faslane.Well mooching about as you do,I came across a folder with some interesting and incriminating photographs of a well known PO.
    He was asleep in bed.
    He was covered in sh!t.
    His bed was covered in sh!t.
    And there was sh!t up the walls.
    Must have been one hell of a nightmare.

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