Sexual Oddness


War Hero
Book Reviewer
A mucker of mine in Germany would pull most weekends. He was quite handsome and had a way with the ladies. He also had a permanent arrangement with the wife of a Belgian Para Commando Major, whom he would scuttle in lay bys. Anyway, when he had pulled up town, he would tip us the wink and bugger off back to camp. We would follow on 10 minutes later and all stand outside his room. The reason for this was because he would have the curtains open and his light on. He was fully aware of this and would always ensure that the unlucky female was in the doggy position, head down, while he would be waving and pulling faces at us looking in. To be honest, it was like watching a porn flick in a cinema. My mucker would get off on it. He's probably an accomplished dogger these days.


Lantern Swinger
Always good to hear your dits - mine are fairly tame in comparison.

Anyway. 2001, our Celtic Hero is renting a flat through a reputable Estate Agency in the town. The staff contains a "lady" with the morals of an alleycat and the cunning of a dozen foxes (basically, I was knocking her off one or two times a week and the web of lies that she had spun to keep her husband, kids, employers and friends in the dark would do credit to Mossad or MI5 as a deep cover story!!). Now, as well as having a Tues / Fri commitment with the delightful T****, I was semi-seeing a bird from the next town along, the lovely S********, who epitomised the term "BOBFOC". I mean, framework like a swimwear model, was massively into all sorts, but had a fizzog like Jimmy Tarbuck. But then again, I am (by dint of my Emerald Isle upbringing) not proud.

One Fri night, the mobile buzzes just as the lovely T**** has pitched up, telling me that S******** is getting off early (ie in about an hour and a half's time) and did I want to head round for some booze and frolics before hitting the local town. Too right, thinks I. But it would be most rude to put T**** home without the customary biffing that she has grown used to of a Fri evening.

By 2100hrs, Percy was getting parked in S********'s kisser, not 30 mins earlier having unloaded into T****'s rather perfect backside; ne'er a shower, or tap, or even wet-wipe having destroyed the "ambience" in between. S******** either noticed, and said nothing, or didn't notice a thing. Either way, from s****er to kisser in 30 mins.

Christ, I'm a pig.