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Sex Walts & Other Stories

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
thereverend said:
Oh, and when I worked in a sex shop some tart offered me a blow job in exchange of a vibrator. Being the gent that I am I threw the batteries in with it.

Did the batteries make your balls tingle?
 

thereverend

War Hero
WreckerL said:
thereverend said:
I actually blew a golden oppurtunity to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing with a bird who was in Eastenders. Remember that lass who played the stripper a few years ago who ended up going out with one of the Asian fellas? Well she was part of some drama group up in Hull and was here for a fair while. She got to be quite good friends with a lass who goes out with a mate of mine who was in the same drama group. Anyhow, me old band played a gig for Alan McGee and Tim Burgess and me mate and his missus come and bring this lass from Eastenders with them. Come the early hours we're all sat around a table enjoying a few beverages, everythings going great and it looks like it's a dead cert. That is until I come out with the classic "* me, now I know where I've seen you before, you was that tart in Eastenders wasn't you!". She left pretty shortly afterwards and I ended up going home with some loose chick instead.

Bollix :D

No shit fella, gen dit. I still have me mates take the piss out of me for it to this day.
 

thereverend

War Hero
WreckerL said:
thereverend said:
Oh, and when I worked in a sex shop some tart offered me a blow job in exchange of a vibrator. Being the gent that I am I threw the batteries in with it.

Did the batteries make your balls tingle?

No, but having her shove a finger up me arse just before I blew me load did. :D
 

Rumrat

War Hero
I went to a house warming party in Birmingham years ago and it was at the house of an old school oppo. (Female). One of her pals at school became a secretary on the Tiswas show, and she turned up with Chris Tal and that geezer who played Sandy Richardson in Crossroads. With them came oodles of yummy fanny.
Anyhow a couple of hours later I goes out the backyard for a lip lock with one of these birds and my oppo (Navy) who was with me has a bird over the water butt by the green house, giving here a tail end charlie. When he's finished and she stands upright and I clock her fizog, she looks really familiar. A couple of weeks later I'm watching the box and this bird is presenting a kids programme, except it ain't a woman. Oh dear poor Shiner never did excel in ship recognition. :oops:
I naturally was disgusted. 8O :wink: :twisted:
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Book Reviewer
HMS Newcastle. In Newcastle's Bigg Market. Approximately 1998...

Me (v. drunk and therefore fearless): "Any chance of a fuck if I buy you you a pizza?"
Her (after a nanosecond of thought): "Ooh! What flavour pizza..?!"

Clearly a lady of high moral standards... :shock: :oops:
 

Gombear

War Hero
thereverend said:
Oh, and when I worked in a sex shop some tart offered me a blow job in exchange of a vibrator. Being the gent that I am I threw the batteries in with it.

Reminds me of the Irishman who bought his wife a vibrator; she broke all her teeth. 8O
 

Gombear

War Hero
I don’t know anything about Sex Warts, but I have an interesting sex dit.

It happened on a visit to Hamburg. I was walking down the Reeperbahn, in rig, when I noticed a young woman in a shop doorway, eyeing me up. She was petite, very pretty and wearing a white mini that was more of a belt than a skirt.

Any road up, she must have thought I was essence, because she starts trying to trap me. Apparently, she was a student working her way through college and invited me up to her room. She obviously really had the hots for me, which was sweet, so out of kindness, I gave a bit of dosh to help with her college fees. After that she was so keen, she had my kecks down, we did the business and away I went.

Amazingly the same thing happened with a different student the next night, and every night for the rest of the visit. Kin’ell, I must have been really essence in those days!

Gen dit, that. :)
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Gombear said:
I don’t know anything about Sex Warts, but I have an interesting sex dit.

It happened on a visit to Hamburg. I was walking down the Reeperbahn, in rig, when I noticed a young woman in a shop doorway, eyeing me up. She was petite, very pretty and wearing a white mini that was more of a belt than a skirt.

Any road up, she must have thought I was essence, because she starts trying to trap me. Apparently, she was a student working her way through college and invited me up to her room. She obviously really had the hots for me, which was sweet, so out of kindness, I gave a bit of dosh to help with her college fees. After that she was so keen, she had my kecks down, we did the business and away I went.

Amazingly the same thing happened with a different student the next night, and every night for the rest of the visit. Kin’ell, I must have been really essence in those days!

Gen dit, that. :)

Fuckin hell we could make a film..."Gombear educates Germany" :D :D :wink:
I was thinking of going to nightschool... :wink: :wink: :roll: :D
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
sgtpepperband said:
HMS Newcastle. In Newcastle's Bigg Market. Approximately 1998...

Me (v. drunk and therefore fearless): "Any chance of a * if I buy you you a pizza?"
Her (after a nanosecond of thought): "Ooh! What flavour pizza..?!"

Clearly a lady of high moral standards... :shock: :oops:

She wasn't an Aussie was she? I pulled an Aussie chick years back on leave in Acton and it took me three nano seconds to convince her that she was going to be ridden like Seabiscuit and would love the experience. We got back to her grotty hovel when she said to me "I'm on my facking period mate so you'll have to do me up the shitter".

Such class. It was like feeding a tic tac to a whale. How i loved her.
 

Gombear

War Hero
Rumrat said:
Gombear said:
I don’t know anything about Sex Warts, but I have an interesting sex dit.

It happened on a visit to Hamburg. I was walking down the Reeperbahn, in rig, when I noticed a young woman in a shop doorway, eyeing me up. She was petite, very pretty and wearing a white mini that was more of a belt than a skirt.

Any road up, she must have thought I was essence, because she starts trying to trap me. Apparently, she was a student working her way through college and invited me up to her room. She obviously really had the hots for me, which was sweet, so out of kindness, I gave a bit of dosh to help with her college fees. After that she was so keen, she had my kecks down, we did the business and away I went.

Amazingly the same thing happened with a different student the next night, and every night for the rest of the visit. Kin’ell, I must have been really essence in those days!

Gen dit, that. :)

Fuckin hell we could make a film..."Gombear educates Germany" :D :D :wink:
I was thinking of going to nightschool... :wink: :wink: :roll: :D

I think their main campus is called the "Eros Centre". :wink:
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
scousesubmariner said:
Have to say Nick, you kept that dit quiet didn't you? i don't remember you spinning that 1 in the george, i always wondered why you were so keen to get a job in that field

couldn't spin any dits when i got to barrow.
You had stole them all.
 
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