Sex walts. We've all met one. You know, that bloke down the pub who talks loudly about "That bird dancing at Spearmint Rhino who i took home and shagged into next week. She fucking loved it and is arranging a threesome with another lapdancer next week". Much like that bloke from the Inbetweeners. The sex walt will claim he has done the following deeds: 1. A threesome with twins 2. The mother/daughter combo 3. An actress from Eastenders (who was proper filth) I was out the other night and while i was at the bar, i happened to earwig a conversation between two lads from East London, who were trying to outdo each other with sex walting. To be honest, it was laughable, but no harm was done. Listening to them reminded me of a true story of mine. When i was a regular, when i would come home for leave, me and the lads would bugger off to Bournemouth or Brighton for the weekend on the piss and looking for gash. On one Bournemouth trip, an oppo of mine and me got talking to two Scandinavian lasses. It was quite surprising they were still talking to us after my opening line: Me - "So where are you from? What accent is that?" Girl - "We are Finnish" Me - "You look a bit fattish to me love" Anyway, after a few drinks and after i cut around the dancefloor like Ian Dury with a lit cigarette down his back, the two Finns asked us if we would like to go back to their hotel. Clearly my moves had impressed them and they clearly wanted some squaddie cock. At the speed of a Catholic Priest hearing that the all boy choir is fair game, we headed off to their billet (I think it was called "Hotel D'Shite"). As soon as we got in the room, my oppo and i started to snog our conquests and things were moving along just fine. My Finn ( i can't remember her name) said to me "Would you like to see something exciting?" I thought she had one of the following things in mind: 1. A magic trick 2. Firing ping pong balls out of her clack 3. Getting it on with her mate. It was option 3. She went over to her mate and peeled her off my oppo. They started to snog each other and started to rub each others charlies. My and my mucker could not believe our luck. We looked at each other and the thumbs up was given. All was going well, my one had her charlies (which were mahoosive) out while the other one was playing with them, when she looked up and said to us "Ok guys. You can go now". You fucking what? "Thanks guys, but we can take it from here. You can go now" Just my luck. Kicked out by two gorgeous lipstick lezzers and not even a hand job to show for it. Typical. However, the night ended with a bang. We went back to meet up with the rest of the lads and i trapped off with a munter who had more hair than Burt Reynolds. Irony is a fickle mistress. Any of you deviants have any sex walt stories or ones like mine?