Skunkmiester
Lantern Swinger

A Para dies and is stood at the pearly gates, St Peter comes out to meet him with a clip board, reads down a page and says "You've lived a good life, served your country and died for what you believed in, welcome to heaven.What is your desire?"
The Para looks confused and asks "What do you mean by that?"
St Peter replies" Heaven is what you make of it, What is your idea of heaven?"
" Anywhere there aren't any bloody Royal Marines" comes the reply.
With a wave of his hand St Peter transports them both to a beautiful lake with perfect weather, a beach,snow topped mountains in the distance and beautiful women walking around in bikinis.
" This is perfect, but you are sure there are no bootnecks here?"
" Absolutely" replies St Peter.
Just then they both hear the unmistakeable sound of an outboard motor at full tilt and look across the lake to see a rigid raider skimming across the water driven by a man wearing a green lid.
" You lying bastard!" cries the Para " Of all the people I've met I didn't think you would lie to me, thats's a bloody Royal Marine out there!"
" I didn't lie to you" replies St Peter, "That's not a Royal Marine that's god, he just thinks he's one!"
A Company of the Parachute Regiment were marching down a road when they passed a Royal Marine Commando sat on a 6 foot high wall. Hey paras, he shouted, any 6 of you over the wall now! 6 of the paras jumped over the wall and there was the sound of a major punch up going on. The Royal appeared back on the wall. Hey paras, any 10 of you, over the wall now. 10 paras jumped over the wall and another punch up took place. Back came the Royal again... hey paras , any 15 of you! Over jumped 15 more paras. After a few minutes a para appeared at the top of the wall bleeding and battered, Don't come over here he shouted, it's a trap, there's two of them!!
The Para looks confused and asks "What do you mean by that?"
St Peter replies" Heaven is what you make of it, What is your idea of heaven?"
" Anywhere there aren't any bloody Royal Marines" comes the reply.
With a wave of his hand St Peter transports them both to a beautiful lake with perfect weather, a beach,snow topped mountains in the distance and beautiful women walking around in bikinis.
" This is perfect, but you are sure there are no bootnecks here?"
" Absolutely" replies St Peter.
Just then they both hear the unmistakeable sound of an outboard motor at full tilt and look across the lake to see a rigid raider skimming across the water driven by a man wearing a green lid.
" You lying bastard!" cries the Para " Of all the people I've met I didn't think you would lie to me, thats's a bloody Royal Marine out there!"
" I didn't lie to you" replies St Peter, "That's not a Royal Marine that's god, he just thinks he's one!"
A Company of the Parachute Regiment were marching down a road when they passed a Royal Marine Commando sat on a 6 foot high wall. Hey paras, he shouted, any 6 of you over the wall now! 6 of the paras jumped over the wall and there was the sound of a major punch up going on. The Royal appeared back on the wall. Hey paras, any 10 of you, over the wall now. 10 paras jumped over the wall and another punch up took place. Back came the Royal again... hey paras , any 15 of you! Over jumped 15 more paras. After a few minutes a para appeared at the top of the wall bleeding and battered, Don't come over here he shouted, it's a trap, there's two of them!!